


Bury Me Beautiful

by IWillBeTheEndofYou



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: A Job Is A Job, Art Student Yuuri, Artist AU, Child Yuri Plisetsky, Custody, Dead Parents, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Playgrounds, Playing, Searching for inspiration, Slow Burn, Taking Care of Kids, The Nanny Named Yuuri, Victor as guardian, Yuri Plisetsky Needs a Hug, Yuri and Victor are brothers, Yuri is about five, boss and employee to lovers, or something like thta
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:55:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 44,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29504451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IWillBeTheEndofYou/pseuds/IWillBeTheEndofYou
Summary: Yuuri Katsuki thought that he was doing great. But a bad semester leads him to question everything he has ever wanted in his life. Feeling desolate, he needs a job, and fast. Victor finds himself as guardian to his baby half brother. He really, really needs some help with this. A match made--not in Heaven, but maybe out of desperation.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Phichit Chulanont/Christophe Giacometti
Comments: 390
Kudos: 323





	1. Tell Me Where the Good Men Go

It was not the sort of arrangement that Yuuri thought he would find himself in. His last semester at school had not gone well. He had tried, but there was something missing. He knew that. Everyone knew it. His work was passable, but it was by no means special. It was missing something. Even when he was creating, he felt like it was robotic. It was missing something.

Functionally perfect. But without soul. 

That was what his advisor had told him at the semester's end. He had sat on one side of his desk, the chair pinchy and uncomfortable. He wondered, at the time, why these offices always had an air of dread around them, no matter how much the professors tried to keep them decorated.

Celestino had his decorated to look homey. He left the overhead lights, harsh as they were, off. He had lamps instead, with dim bulbs in them. He even had a couch squeezed into a corner, with a throw blanket and a few pillows on it. More than one student was known to come and collapse onto it when they were spending a long time in the studio.

There was the bookshelf behind the desk, with portraits he'd drawn of his wife in pencil, the long lines of her back and her hair falling down making her look like a Grecian goddess. Yuuri had met her in person, and she was beautiful, of course. But she was so beautiful when Celestino drew her, it almost hurt to look at her.

“Is your heart really in this?” he'd asked gently, after calling Yuuri in and offering him a cookie that same wife had baked.

“I... I can do better.” he swallowed hard.

“It's not about that. Art is...” Celestina trailed off. “If I have to explain it to you, especially at this point, I'm not sure you get it. Do you belong here, Yuuri?”

“In your office? No,”

“No, I mean here. In this program. With me. Do you really belong here?”

“If you don't want me here, I'm drop it.” the thought left the taste of ash in his mouth. Leaving art. The one thing he'd wanted since he was a child. Not having this. He'd worked so hard for this. His mind was spinning as he considered it.

But Celestino was right. 

“I want you here if you want to be, and if you belong here.” there wasn't any heat to Celestino's words, only the unmistakable ring of a painful truth. Yuuri stood up from the chair. He reached and grabbed his portfolio, tucking it under his arm.

“I appreciate your time. I appreciate your effort with me.”

“Yuuri,” Celestino reached for him, gripping his elbow. “I am sorry. I wish there was something I could do for you.” he bit his lip.  
“I'll make you a deal.”

“Oh?”

“Take the semester off. Maybe you need some time to clear your head. Made you just need to see some life outside of the school to know what it is that will help you grow your art.” Celestino began slowly, then picked up speed, warming up to the idea.  
“And once you've done that, you can create. Submit something to the Exhibition. If you can impress the judges, you're back into the program. We'll never speak of it again, and I'll never question your place here again.”

“And if I don't impress them?”

“Then we'll say goodbye with no hard feelings. Maybe you'll belong in another program. Just not this one, just not in mine.”

Yuuri nodded woodenly. Celestino seemed relieved, and walked him to the door. The studio was dark and quiet for once. There wasn't anyone bending over a pottery wheel, there was no one kneeling on the floor, gluing down pieces of a mosaic. No groups of students huddled around an art book, pointing to things and arguing.

Just as well, Yuuri thought. Best that no one would be able to see his shame. They'd miss him in a few weeks, of course, when the semester started. But it wasn't unusual for someone to take a leave of absence. He doubted it was for the same reason as him, though.

He started the long, slow shuffle home. The apartment, dingy and small, felt more comfortable than Celestino's office at least. He dropped his portfolio on the tiny dining room table. They'd never eaten at it, he and his roommate. It was, instead, a catch all. He grabbed the mail, saw nothing for him, and walked stiffly to the living room.

“How'd it go?” Phichit paused the video game. Yuuri dropped onto the couch next to him, listening to the spring protest. He couldn't say the words for a moment.  
“That bad?”

“If I don't impress him and the judges for Exhibition, I'm toast.”

“He can't just kick you out! You're so talented.”

“I must not be. I thought I was. I thought this was the life I was meant for. But I must be wrong. Otherwise this wouldn't have happened.” Yuuri could only shake his head. Phichit frowned, searching for the right words.

“Yuuri, we've been roommates for two years now. I've seen you work. I've seen the pieces you put in your closet. You're brilliant.” he declared.

“You go into my closet?”

“You've got warmer sweaters.” the smaller man just grinned and shrugged.

“Buy your own sweaters.” Yuuri grumbled without much unhappiness about it. He did shift on the couch, folding one leg underneath himself and turning to look at his best friend.  
“I don't like people looking at those ones.”

“Why not?”

“Because they're so personal!” he shook his head. Phichit just shrugged and started his game again.

“Isn't that the point of art?” 

Well, he had him there. Yuuri just scowled and sat back, watching him play for a few moments. Phichit was studying graphic art, and he was talented. Truly. He barely had to think about it. Art was something that came naturally to him, he never had to think about it. Yuuri didn't think he was ever pained about it.

He wasn't sure if he should envy him, or if he should pity him. Sometimes hurting for art was the best way to produce. He shrugged off the thought and walked to the kitchen, pulling out two cup noodles, too wrung out to even consider making something else. Not tonight.

The kettle was signing in a moment, and he let the noodles steep as he poured glasses of juice. They'd need to go to the store soon, he mused. His heart gave an uncomfortably slow thump as the color drained from his face again.

What money was he going to have if he wasn't in school? His parents didn't mind paying for school, but he actually had to be in school to get that money. Numbly, he walked back into the living room, somehow balancing the hot soup and the juice.

“How you do that without getting burned, I will never know.” Phichit snorted. He quickly saved the game and turned it off. He didn't seem to notice Yuuri's face for a moment as he opened up Hulu and pulled up and episode of Bob's Burgers. He was a few bites in before he looked back.  
“What's wrong?”

“How am I gonna pay rent? Or my half the lights? Or my phone bill?” 

“Oh easy,” Phichit shrugged. “You get a job.” 

“A job!” he squealed. “Peaches, I have never had any job that wasn't from my family.”

“No time like the present.” he shrugged. “Not like you have a choice, right?”

“You don't have to put it that way.” he grumped, his arms crossed. Phichit grabbed his phone and unlocked it.

“Here, my friend. Start with Indeed. Don't be picky. Take anything.”

“That does not make me feel like a prize.”

“You aren't getting married to the job. It's just to pay the bills.” he shook his fork at him.

“Celestino said I did need to experience the real world...” he murmured as he began to scroll down through the listings. “Maybe I'll just find something mind numbing. Then I can think about other things while I work.”

“That's the spirit!” Phichit praised. “Now, after we eat you can help me feed the hamsters.”

Yuuri went to bed that night feeling somewhat better than he had. He laid on his side, pulling his knees up high. It hadn't been the best meeting he could have had with Celestino, of course. But maybe his advisor had a point. He'd spent so much of his life sheltered, first at the onsen, and now he was at college. He hadn't really experienced anything real.

But what was real? And how would he find it? And how would he know when he'd found it? Yuuri rubbed his eyes. This was too much thinking for one night, he decided. He'd be better served getting some sleep and worrying about it tomorrow.

Tomorrow came almost too soon, it felt like. He grabbed his laptop and a mug of that instant coffee that no one drank on purpose and sat down at the coffee table. He spent the day perfecting his resume and drafting cover letters.

Phichit left to go to the computer lab at the school and get some work done. Yuuri barely noticed he was gone, was startled when he returned and it was already dark out. By then he'd filled out countless applications, attached his resume.

“Why do these things ask me for a resume and then ask me for information that is very plainly stated on the resume?” he muttered.

“To see if you're willing to do busy work to make life easier for the head honchos. Find anything good?”

“I applied to everything I thought I might have a shot at. But I'm either underqualified, overqualified, not qualified, or am gonna have to get really comfortable smelling like grease.” he wrinkled his nose. “And there's nothing wrong with food service.”

“You'd cry,” Phichit said bluntly. “Someone would say a cross word to you and you'd end up crying.”

“Yeah,” he admitted, only slightly embarrassed that he was that easy to read. “The real problem is that some of these jobs are going to take weeks to get back to me, I think. And I don't have that kind of time. I have some in my savings but...”

“Rent will eat that up quickly. Well, you know I'll help as much as I can...” Phichit trailed off. But they both knew that wasn't going to be a permanent solution. There was on the emergency credit card, but Yuuri was under strict orders not to use that unless things were dire.

Losing your spark, if you'd ever had it, for art, was not enough of an emergency to count. He just shook his head, leaning against the couch.

“Something is better than nothing. Hungry? We have more cup noodles.”

“I know you're really down in the dumps. You never let us have that two nights in a row.” the Thai man joked, hoping to lighten the mood. In truth, he was worried about his friend. It simply was painful to see him starting to sink, and so quickly. 

“They're forty nine cents on sale. We can't beat that.”

A fair point, Phichit thought as he dug into his steaming noodles. He often joked that gamers could live off instant noodles and peanut butter crackers forever if they really wanted. That didn't mean that he thought it was a good idea, though.

“You'll find something soon. I just know it.” he comforted his friend.

“I hope you're right.” Yuuri mumbled as he dropped a noodle into his mouth. 

“I've asked some of my friends. Maybe they can get you into the bookstore or something like that.”

Yuuri just hummed thoughtfully. But he wasn't interested in watching Bob's Burgers, and he didn't even want to try and ply a few rounds of Mario Kart like he normally loved to. Instead, he plead exhaustion and a headache from staring at his laptop for so long, and slipped away to bed.

Something was going to have to change very soon, Phichit thought.


	2. Start A Fire In Your Heart, Or Put It Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor has problems up to here, and he isn't sure how to resolve them.

Victor put his head down flat on the desk. Christophe looked up from his laptop with a smirk. He began to speak without missing a beat in typing.

"Problems, mon ami?"

"You know damn good and well." he mumbled. "Why do you continue to torture me?"

"Me?" Christophe blinked. "What did I do?"

"You're sitting there, calm and well rested." Victor rolled his head on his forearms to look at his friend. "Your hair is styled. You're in those nice clothes. You even look happy. You're torturing me."

"Well, I promise that part isn't on purpose." Christophe laughed. He then paused to take in his friend. The purple under his eyes. The downward turn of the corners of his lips. His hair was combed, but not arranged just so to fall over his eyes. Victor normally oozed charm. Now he just seemed to drip with fatigue and worry.  
"Still that bad?"

"He hasn't slept through the night since I brought him home." Victor said mournfully. "I'm up changing wet sheets, I'm up with nightmares. I end up bringing him to my bed, and he kicks all night long. If I can get him to sleep."

"Ouch," Christophe grimaced.

"And the worst part is he's so apologetic about the whole thing. He begs me not to be mad every time. And I'm not! I'm not mad, I'm tired and sorry and I worry. That's all." he sat up with a groan, rubbing his eyes. "It's not his fault."

"Victor..." Christophe cleared his throat. "Are you sure that you should be doing this?"

"Doing what? Working? No, of course not." he laughed without humor.

"No, I mean... taking care of Yuri?" Victor froze and stared at his friend. "You have no experience with children. You work hellacious hours. You need to travel at least a little bit. And you're obviously not enjoying it. I worry about you. You're no good to him if you're worn right through."

"There's no one else, Chris." Victor sighed, not taking offense. "You know that."

"No one tracked down Natalie?"

"No. And even if I did, like hell I'm turning him back over to her." Victor growled. "Whatever she did to him messed him up good."

"Well," Christophe checked his watch. "I wish I could stay and commiserate, but I have a meeting. May your coffee be strong." Victor just waved him off and turned back to his own laptop, resuming his typing.

Christophe had some points. The situation he was in now was untenable. He sighed and stopped, rubbing his forehead. The ache behind his forehead and started roughly three months ago, after he'd gotten the call that his father died. He'd been sitting here, at this desk. Which was strange for him, he tried to work from home or travel as much as he could. He found that he did his best work when he wasn't here.

The nurse from the hospital had sounded clinical, but not without sympathy. A heart attack. It was quick, and he had not suffered. If he could please come down to the hospital, it would be appreciated. Victor had nearly flown there, surprised that he didn't get into an accident and end up in the hospital himself. To his shock, his father was there alone.

"Where is Natalie?" he'd asked the nurse. She looked uncomfortable.

"His wife? She rode in the ambulance here, but then she disappeared. No one has tracked her down." Victor nodded and sighed inwardly. He couldn't have expected anything differently. He signed what paperwork he could, knowing that she'd have to do the rest. She was his wife after all. Gathering up all his courage, Victor had made the trip to his childhood home.

He shook his head at the memory. Best not to dwell on that, he told himself. It didn't matter now. He had Yuri, safe and sound and struggling in the preschool he'd found for him. The teachers said that he didn't want to play with the other kids, didn't even want to follow around the teachers and be a helper. Instead, he spent most of the time sitting in a chair, staring out the window. He claimed that he was waiting for someone, but wouldn't tell who.

Victor didn't need to be told who. He was waiting for Natalie.

He did at Victor's place, too. On Saturdays, he'd ignore the television, books, blocks, anything that Victor could offer. He'd refuse to go to the park, disregard lunch. Instead, he pulled a little wooden chair by the door and sat quietly, holding a ragged stuffed cat on his lap, his fingers buried in the poor thing's matted fluff. It was like pulling eye teeth to coax him to the table, or to come and try and play a game on the floor. And even then, the little boy seemed to just be going through the motions.

Christophe is right, Victor thought. I'm no good to him worn out. I gotta figure something out. He wondered if, maybe, the better option for now was pulling him from the preschool. He needed more one on one care. And Victor was going to have to start working the late hours again, if he wanted at least a chance to try and keep his job.

He pulled his laptop closer to him and began to look up a few things.

A plan was forming in his mind.

He just had to be clever enough to make it happen.

Victor returned home, feeling drained. The small hand clutched in his reminded him that the day wasn't nearly done yet. He had to make dinner, get the kid cleaned up, teeth brushed, and sent to bed. He knew there were clean sheets in the dryer, but he wasn't sure that there would be enough to get them through the night. So he'd have to flip the load in the washer to the dryer. He hung up his jacket, took Yuri's.

Most of the little kids at the preschool were covered in paint, glitter, marker, or dirt at the end of the day. They were sticky from jam from lunch, dripping crumbs. Victor had seen them in the morning, with little girls with perfectly plaited hair clipped with bows return to their mother with hair sticking up like they'd been electrocuted. What interested him the most was that none of the parents seemed particularly bothered by the whole thing. They were happy to have those sticky hugs and kisses, to listen to the prattle of the children, to coo over still damp paintings.

Yuri didn't do any of those things. Yuri just sat, and waited. And if he was dragged into the play, his teacher had said, he spent the whole time screaming or sulking or both. The other kids seemed to cut him a wide berth, and Victor wasn't sure that he blamed them. His scowl would be off putting to even the friendliest child.

"What shall we have for dinner?" he asked brightly.

"I don't know." Yuri mumbled, more to the stuffed cat than Victor. "You choose."

"We could have lasagna, or baked potatoes and chili?" he offered. Yuri just shrugged. He carefully put his shoes away dragged the little wooden chair to the door.  
"Is there anything else that sounds good to you, kiddo?"

"No," he shook his head. "Nothing at all."

Victor sighed and contemplated the kid for a moment, rolling up the sleeves on his dress shirt. He could manage baked potatoes well enough, and the chili to go on top was canned. The lasagna was frozen. He scrubbed a few potatoes and put them into the oven, then rushed to the washer and dry, flipping loads. The chili was poured into a bowl and microwaved shortly.

In all that time, Yuri did not move. He did not speak. He seemed to throw his whole self into waiting. How could a little kid stand to sit so still, Victor wondered. He didn't even think he could manage such a thing as an adult. He put out the plates, the toppings for the potatoes, made sure there were plenty of paper towels to wipe hands and faces.

"Come and eat," he called.

"I'm not hungry."

"Your teacher wrote me you didn't eat lunch." he raised an eyebrow. "So I know you must be starving. Did you not like what was served? I can start sending in a lunch for you, if you'd like." but the blond little boy just shook his head, his big green eyes fixed on the door. It was like Victor might as well not exist at all. "You can have as much cheese as you like on your potato." he tempted.

"Two pinches?" his interest piqued just a little bit.

"Two of my size pinches." Victor smiled. The boy contemplated his own tiny fingers, then Victor's, then gave one nod, getting off the chair and heading to the kitchen. He knelt on his chair as Victor prepped the potato for him. He watched as the chili was dished up, as the sour cream plopped in, and of course, two generous pinches of shredded cheddar cheese. He was given his bowl and a glass of milk to wash it down.

At least that was one battle one, Victor patted himself on the back. And if it took a little extra cheese to get him to the table, it was a small price to pay. At this point, he was happy enough to just see something go into his mouth. He even let Victor wipe off his face and hands after they were done, instead of fighting about it and running away to slam the door to the bathroom, like he normally did.

"Do you like school?" Victor asked casually as they entered Yuri's bedroom. It still had the ghosts of being a guest room. There was grown up artwork on the walls, a bookchase of heavy hardcovers from popular authors. There was, at the foot of the bed, a toy box. But in the other corners were cardboard boxes, hastily packed up and not yet moved.

"Not really."

"Well," he blew out a breath. "Is there anything that would make you like it more?"

"The kids are stupid and they fight over the blocks. I never get a turn." he pouted a bit. That sounded like an ordinary kid thing to say, even if it wasn't exactly cheerful. Victor smiled a little, handing him the pajamas from the dark wooden drawer. He hovered over that one top drawer that always made Yuri scream. Maybe if he got him into a good enough mood, he'd be able to--.  
"Don't even think about it." Yuri pointed his tiny finger. "I won't."

"But, darling, I just thought that if we tried them, you might find..."

"I said no!" gone was any rapport that he'd made. "I want to go to bed." he crossed his arms and huffed. "And I don't need your help putting on my pajamas." He did need help. Victor would come in later in the night when he was needed to find inside out pajama bottoms and a backwards top. It wasn't worth a fight though.

He just sighed and flicked on the small lamp he'd repurposed as a nightlight. He left he door cracked.

"Good night, Yuri. I'm in the next room."

"I know that." the little boy grumbled. "Don't have to tell me every night."

Victor sat on the couch and pulled out his phone, tapping open his email. He had six new messages. That was a start, he thought to himself, as he opened the first one and began to read a resume.

***

"This one looks promising." Phichit spoke up from his corner of the couch. He finished chewing on his graham cracker and shoved his phone at Yuuri. He dragged his aching eyes away from his laptop.

"You've said that like, six times a day for a week now. Everything can look promising but that doesn't mean that anything actually holds a promise." he moaned. "How do I know that this time is different?"

"You're just going to have to trust me." Phichit rolled his eyes. The Japanese man grabbed the phone and scanned the ad.

"Personal assistant... Hmmm. The pay is pretty good."

"It's a slush job! He's gonna pay you just to like, type his emails and answer the phone for him. Make sure his appointments are scheduled. Probably make sure there's no underwear from one girlfriend around when the next one comes by. I really don't know what else you could ask for in a job."

"Well, I suppose it doesn't hurt to apply, anyway." Yuuri opened his resume, typed another cover letter. It wasn't like he'd even heard back from anyone else. He was getting desperate. He knew good and well that it was going to take time, and that he had to be patient. But the bills weren't going to be put on hold just because he couldn't find work.

He wasn't finding any inspiration for artwork, either. He spent many nights awake, staring at a blank canvas or an empty sketchbook. He waiting for that tingle that would start in his fingers, for that itch that called him to move. There was nothing. There was stillness, there was silence, there was frustration. He had hoped that maybe something would come out of the frustration. Instead, there was the nothingness, the blankness that chased him, that haunted him.

He joked that maybe he needed to starve to really be able to create. Isn't that what all the greats did? They gave up eating to buy supplies? Celestino's words echoed to him. He needed to be able to experience the world to have inspiration. Maybe a slush job wasn't going to give him perfect inspiration. But it would give him the funds that he could go and chase that all down somewhere else.

Yuuri hit the send button and crossed his fingers one more time.


	3. I Believe Your Most Attractive Features Are Your Heart And Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The interview happens.

The interview offer came rather quickly. Yuuri probably should have been surprised about that, and maybe even a little cautious. But he was so desperate, so anxious to work. The man, Victor, had suggested that they meet in a coffee shop. Well, he thought, that was at least a nice well lit area with a lot of people. If he was going to be dragged off for nefarious purposes, he'd have to go to a second location. And he certainly wasn't dumb enough to do that. He wouldn't even drink his coffee unless he had seen it poured himself.

"Wear your blue shirt," Phichit suggested. "And don't wear a tie."

"Don't wear a tie? It's a job interview. I have to wear a tie."

"This is too casual for that. You don't want to appear like a stuffed shirt. You want to look young and hip for this sort of thing." Phichit shook his head. "Keep trusting me. I've never steered you wrong."

"Fine," and so Yuuri had removed his silk tie and hung it back carefully in his closet. He slicked back his hair and put in his contact lenses. He thought wearing his glasses would have made him look more serious. But if he was going for 'young and hip' contact lenses it had to be. He grabbed the messenger bag with his resume and scanty references. He longed, suddenly, for a leather briefcase. So much more grown up, so much more serious.

His body bag had pins of Sanrio characters, pride patches and different slogans, most of them sarcastic. It really wasn't going to give the impression he wanted. But, he reasoned, there was nothing to be done for it now. They could take him as he was or leave him. He sighed and resisted the urge to run his hands through his hair. At least he had reasonable black dress shoes.

The bus ride to the cafe was was fine enough. He thought he ought to have showed up in an Uber, but that was more money that he really didn't want to spend right now. He refrained from chewing on his lips, not wanting them to look dry and cracked when he got there.

Victor frowned as he stood in the cafe, tapping his toe. Chris had agreed to watch Yuri, but then texted just before he was supposed to get there to say that he was stuck in traffic. He'd meet them at the cafe and whisk the kid away. Or maybe he was meant to introduce the candidate and the kid on the same day. He let his bangs fall in his eyes.

"Are you okay?" Victor turned to the little boy, sitting silently on a chair, still holding the raggedy stuffed kitty.

"Yeah,"

"You want like an apple juice? Or chocolate milk? A cookie?" Yuri just shrugged and shook his head. "I know we didn't have a good breakfast this morning, did we?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Uncle Chris said he'd be here in a minute, and then you two can go to the bookstore next door. They have puzzles and toys."

"I don't want to go with Uncle Chris." he mumbled, curling tighter on himself.

"Why not? Chris likes you. Don't you like him?" he paused, concerned.

"I'd just rather stay with you." well, if that didn't reach in and pull his heart out. He put his hand on Yuri's hair, tangled and messy looking. He was going to have to wrestle the boy into a bath tonight, and somehow get his hair combed. He looked the boy over, realizing that he looked, well, he looked pathetic. His jeans were dirty, his shirt was somehow backwards. His hair was atrocious, he had the remains of the juice Victor had poured for him this morning still on his face, and even the sticky memories of the jelly from the few bites of toast he had managed.

It looked like Victor didn't know what he was doing. He was sure the other people in the cafe were looking at him and shaking their heads, clicking their tongues. Poor kid, they were probably thinking, with that well dressed man who obviously doesn't care about him at all. He sighed and kept looking out the window, not drinking his own black coffee.

"You can do work in a coffee shop?"

"If you're very talented." Victor winked. Yuri didn't smiled. He just looked at him, those big green eyes seemed like they were peering into his soul. He'd had eyes like that since birth, Victor thought. He had long since grown out of being uncomfortable by that look. It was better to sit still and let Yuri look you over, think about you. Sometimes he even wanted to ask the boy what he thought about the way he was living his life, if he was doing things right.

"Mommy didn't work in coffee shops."

"No?" interesting. He had never known Natalie to work at all, not since she had married his dad when he was 19. He was out of the house by then. His dad did say that she used to be a personal shopper. And when they married, she seemed to settle into the life of being a trophy wife, as far as he had known. And then Yuri had come along three years into it, and he had thought he might have more baby half siblings, but that didn't happen.

He had gone home for the holidays, but there was always an air of discomfort and disinterest when it came to Natalie and the baby. Dad had done most of the caretaking, from what he could tell. But it wasn't his business, and Victor declined to comment on the whole thing. After all, it was the happiest he had seen his dad since his Mom had died when he was 12.

"Mommy worked when people pulled up in the drive way."

"She did? What kind of work did Mommy do?" this could lead to someone tracking her down and at least letting her know that her kid was, you know, still alive.

Before Yuri could answer, the door swung open. Standing there was a young man, with dark curls and the deepest brown eyes that Victor had ever seen. He was clutching a messenger bag. He stood just past the doorway, looking around, searching for something. Of course he'd walk in right when he was getting somewhere with Yuri.

"Are you here for the interview?" he called with a wave. The man paused, and it looked like he was contemplating running out of the cafe. But, he came over to the table and sat down, confusion still written on his face.

"I'm Yuuri Katsuki?" it was a question and not a statement.

"I'm Victor Nikiforov," he held out his hand, felt the strength in the fingers that shook his. Yuuri was turning slightly pink.

"That's my name." a little voice piped up next to him. How could he have forgotten?

"I'm sorry?" Yuuri blinked.

"Yuri. I'm Yuri." the little boy pointed to himself and glared.

"Well, hello then." Yuuri seemed to relax. He offered his hand for Yuri to shake. The boy eyed him for a minute and then shook. "Do you want to draw?" he rummaged in his bag and somehow produced blanket paper and some colored pencils.

Victor watched in wonder as his baby brother took the items. He began to studiously draw with the black pencil in firm, bold lines. He was in his bag again, and Victor could see the little pins with Hello Kitty in various outfits. He saw the pride flags of various sizes. He saw the way that Yuuri squirmed in his seat when he turned his attention back to him.

"My resume and references." he handed him the two sheets of paper.

"Very good!" he glanced at them and put them aside. "So I need an assistant, like my ad said."

"Ah, yes. But you weren't very clear on what exactly being your assistant entails." there was a stammer in his voice that he was trying very hard to hide. It was endearing, Victor thought. He never knew that he thought nervous boys could be cute. He typically preferred confidence, bordering on bravado. He wanted someone who could go toe to toe with him.

But this one...

"Oh, you wouldn't be assisting me." he smiled. Yuuri felt his heart melting down towards his toes. "You'd be working with him!" he pointed to the messy little blond boy. The brunet froze.

"Excuse me?" he cleared his throat.

"My baby half brother requires an assistant."

"I see," Yuuri folded his hands on the table after a pause. "What ah, what kind of assisting does Yuri require?" the kid was still intent on his drawing. There was lots of black in it, and he wondered what kind of kid would choose that and not some of the brighter colors in the box.

"He needs to be walked home from preschool, of course. And he needs someone to make him supper and help him into the bath, and he would really appreciate if someone read him a bedtime story. He would benefit from someone on occasional weekends for walks to the park."

Yuuri contemplated the pair before him. The man with platinum hair and the beyond charming smile. His icy eyes made Yuuri want to lick his lips. The small child with the messy hair, and some of the greenest eyes that Yuuri had ever seen. But there was something in those eyes that didn't belong to a child. It caused a dull ache in his chest. The boy looked up from his drawing and then looked back down.

"That sounds less like an assistant and more like a nanny." he said, finally.

"I'm not a baby!" Yuri slammed down his pencil. "I don't need a nanny." Yuuri hadn't heard a little kid sound so firm before. He was taken aback but intrigued. What kind of kid talked like that? It wasn't a whine, it wasn't begging. It was almost something you'd expect coming out of an adults mouth.

"Of course," Victor soothed. He shot the other man a desperate look. Yuuri wanted to put his face in his hands. He wanted to gather up his bag and leave. Kid could keep the colored pencils, he had enough. The little boy just shot them both a look that was a mix of wounded and outraged, a bit like a cat that was stuck by their own claw in the couch.  
"As you can see, Yuri certainly does not need a nanny."

"Ah, no, it was silly of me to think otherwise." he stammered. The blond gave one nod. He looked at the child for another moment. Those big eyes looking at him from behind a curtain of messy hair. There was something there, something that made Yuuri want to reach out and cup his face. He looked again the the older brother, his eyes desperate. Exhausted was written all over his face.

This could be your life, he thought to himself. Strange child. Messy clothes. Wrestling a wet kid into pajamas at bedtime. Arguing over homework. Watching cartoons. A guardian who comes home late every night. Never getting home when you thought you would. This could all be yours. You'll hate it, he told himself.

But even as he told himself this, Yuuri knew it wasn't true. He saw bubble baths. He saw Spaghetti-O lunches. He saw trips to the zoo. He saw Goodnight Moon and paintings from preschool. He wondered what Yuri looked like when he smiled. He wondered how much more handsome Victor would look when he didn't have such dark marks under his eyes and calmer.

"What are the hours?" he asked, before he could stop himself. Victor lighting up, giving him a beaming smile was his reward. The platinum haired man leaned forward, trying to contain his excitement. Before he could speak though, the door open and a tall, leggy, tanned man came in. He spotted them and waved.

"Sorry I'm late." he kissed Victor's cheek and offered his hand to Yuri. "Will you come with me to the bookstore? I'm dying to see it, and Victor told me it's nice. I don't want to go alone."

"You need me to go?" Yuri sounded suspicious.

"Of course," the man with his two tone hair gave a winning smile. Hell, Yuuri found himself ready to offer. The little boy just put down his pencil and took the offered hand, ready to go to the bookstore next door.

"Bye, Yuuri," he said softly as they two disappeared.

"Now then," Victor turned back to him, slightly relieved, looking more businesslike. "Where were we?"


	4. I Don't Mind You Coming Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri's first day on the job!

"So you're the nanny?" Phichit raised an eyebrow.

"Looks like." Yuuri felt a little bit sheepish. "But how hard could it be? He's adorable, and he likes to draw. Victor said I pick him up from school, I bring him home. We eat a snack. We play. And then I make supper and put him in the tub and to bed."

"Wow, he makes it sound so easy. Why don't more people just run around having kids?" the Thai man rolled his eyes. "He misled you."

"Well, that's kind of the thing. The kid does seem to think that I'm his assistant and not, you know, his nanny."

"Are you kidding me?"

"No, Yuri is quite certain that he is not a baby, and only babies need nannies. So I am his assistant. And in a way, I suppose that's true. I am assisting him in his every day life. His every day life just happens to be that of a preschooler."

"Keep telling yourself that." Phichit rolled his eyes. "What kind of kid insists he needs an assistant?"

"This kind." Yuuri paused. "He seems unusual."

"And Victor is his dad?"

"Older half brother,"

"Where are his parents?"

"I didn't ask." Yuuri shrugged. "There are certain things that you need to know for any job. That's not one of them. I'm sure I'll find out. Little kids talk a lot."

"Since when are you an expert on small children?" Phichit snorted.

"Since I got hired! Don't be jealous that I got a job with a hot young man who obviously needs my help."

"Is he hot?" Phicht put his controller down. "Tell me everything! I wanna know."

"He is so hot," Yuuri sighed dreamily. "I mean, he's attached to someone. Dude came into the cafe and picked up Yuri. Gave him a kiss on the cheek and everything. And that guy, if you can believe it, was even hotter than Victor in a different way. He just dripped sex."

"Did you take this job just to get close to hot guys, Yuuri?" Phichit was biting back a giggle.

"You would think that! But no. I took the job because I have bills to pay. And..." he trailed off for a minute. "I don't know, Peach. I can't explain it. I felt like that kid needed me. There's just something about him?" 

"Just remember that you really don't know anything about kids, Yuchan." Phichit picked up his controller. "It's gonna be a bumpy ride for the both of you, I think. And I still think it's weird that you have the same name. That's gonna get really confusing really quick."

Yuuri was determined not to let Phichit's dreary words drag him down. He carefully followed the directions that Victor had texted him. He thanked whomever might be listening for the fact that GPS existed. The preschool was located in a plain brick building, but the tiny playground equipment surrounded it was charming. Victor had said that he would make sure Yuuri was registered to pick up Yuri, and he wouldn't need to go inside.

That didn't sound like very good security to him. But when he gingerly probed the topic, Victor waved it off. He said the staff would ask for his ID if they felt uncomfortable, so make sure he had it. Yuuri patted his pocket, feeling his wallet just to be sure. He glanced around, seeing the car pick up line grow, and several other adults drift towards the school.

They gathered in knots of two or there, murmuring and laughing to each other. He got a few side eyes, a few appraising glances up and down. But no one came over to speak to him. He wondered if they thought he was just some strange man, here for nefarious purposes. He couldn't well proclaim that he wasn't here for anything strange though. That was exactly what a terrible person would do to try and deflect

Before his face could heat up, making him look even more suspicious, the doors burst open, and children came pouring it. Yuuri watched in amazement. The children rushed out so quickly, he could barely make sense of it. They leapt into cars or into the arms of caregivers. They were dressed in a rainbow of colors, and there was a cacophony of tiny voices.

"Are you Yuuri?" a tall woman with a severe bob and dangling earrings was standing before him.

"Y-Yes,"

"Ah, okay. I just wanted to confirm before I released him." she gestured to the blond boy behind her, scowling at the ground and holding onto a stuffed kitty. He stalked away from the lady and came and stood next to Yuuri without even looking up at the man. He glanced between the woman the child, obviously confused.

"Uh, thanks?"

"You should tell Victor we're having the same problems." she folded her arms and gave the boy a dark look. "Victor promised to work on it. I trust you've been made aware of all his--difficulties?"

"I've only just started today." he admitted sheepishly.

"Well, bless your little heart. Good luck," she spun on her heel and clipclopped her way back into the school, leaving the pair standing on the asphalt.

"Rough day?" Yuuri looked down at the little boy. He was, at least, wearing her clothes right side out today and wasn't coated in a layer of jelly. His hair had probably been combed this morning, but it looked downright frightful now. The boy only shrugged stubbornly.

"I want to go home."

"Sure," he said smoothly. "I'm going to need some help getting there. Do you think you can help me?"

"You're supposed to be my assistant." he finally looked up, disdain gleaming in his eyes. "I guess though, I can't expect you to know everything at once. So I'll help you. This time."

Yuri seemed to brighten up a little bit then. He walked them with an air of authority to the bus stop. When the bus came, he directed Yuuri how much it would cost for each of them. The bus driver looked amused as he handed them their transfer slips, and Yuuri marched them to their seats. He climbed up and sat next to the window, handing Yuuri his little multicolored backpack.

"What's kitty's name?" he pointed to the stuffed animal. The boy brought it closer to his chest, almost reflexively. It was a protective gesture, a clutching that spoke to a concern of losing the thing.

"Velveteen."

"That's a nice cat name. Velveteen looks well loved."

"I've had her my whole life." he glanced through his bangs at Yuuri. "Daddy gave her to me."

"That was nice of him. Do you like kitties?" anything to try and coax him into a conversation.

"I love kitties. Daddy said for my fifth birthday I could have one. But..." he trailed off. "I don't think I will."

"No?"

"Daddy's not here anymore." he sank back into his seat. The arrogant tone he'd had when directing Yuuri onto the bus was gone. It was replaced by something smaller and softer, more what he would have expected from a little boy. He was cuddling the kitty close.  
"I miss Daddy."

"Where did he go?" Yuuri felt a tingling on his spine. There was something off here, and he got the feeling that they weren't talking about an extended vacation.

"I don't know. No one will tell me." he looked up, his eyes near watering. Yuuri's mouth worked, but he found he had nothing to say. "I miss Daddy." he repeated.

"I miss my Daddy too, sometimes." he found himself saying.

"Where is he?" Yuri played with Velveteen's fur, such as it was, burying his fingers in it.

"In Japan, where I'm from. It's a very long way away." before they could speak more, their stop came, and Yuuri pressed the button alerting the driver they wanted off. They walked quietly towards the house, each lost in his own thoughts. Yuuri's thoughts were more a soup, though. Where was the boy's Daddy? What was happening? What problems could he be having in school.

Yuri took off his shoes and carefully put them in the rack. He hung up his jacket on a small set of low hung hooks, clearly put there for that purpose. He even hung up his backpack. Yuuri shucked out of his own outerwear, hung it on the higher hooks. There were several other jackets, one in leather, black and smelling delicious. One in wool, a lovely shade of charcoal. The smell of it reminded Yuuri of winter walks and evergreen.

"Victor said that we can have a snack!" he said cheerily. "What do you want?"

"I don't want one." the boy was dragging a small wooden chair towards the door. He climbed on and sat, the stuffed kitty on his lap.

"No?" he paused. "There's graham crackers and peanut butter? I bet I can even give you a few marshmallows?" he winked. The boy just shook his head, sitting still in the chair.  
"Is there something else?"

"I don't need a snack." he said firmly, the vulnerable tone from the bus was gone. He was glaring at Yuuri now. "Don't keep asking me."

"All right, all right." he surrendered and got himself a snack of peanut butter graham crackers, eating them quietly at the table. The house was nicely decorated, in a tasteful way that felt impersonal. It breathed class, but without those touches that were the signature of anyone at all. He wondered which one had decorated it, Victor or the other one.

He looked at the artwork and barely held back his scoff. They were the mass produced pieces that didn't have any soul. There was nothing to them. It was the kind of think that Yuuri was destined to create if he didn't find his own inspiration. The thought was depressing, and along with the kid insisting on sitting still and silent on that chair, the whole hair was gloomy.

"Did you do anything fun in school today?"

"I hate school."

"How come?" he loaded his plate into the dishwasher. "Is it hard?"

"Of course not," he scoffed. "I'm not stupid. I hate the other kids. They're mean."

"Are they?" he plopped down on the floor by the door, his back against the wall. The kid looked at him like he had three heads. "What do they do that's mean?"

"They laugh at me. They point at me. They whisper about me." he sounded so angry, but Yuuri could see the the tears glistening in his eyes. "I hate them."

"They just don't know you. Victor told me you hadn't been here very long. Maybe they need a chance to get to know you."

"They made fun of Velveteen." he grumped. He wondered if they were making fun of the boy for needing a comfort item, or the fact that it was a cat. Well, he wasn't going to prod. Instead, he just patted the boy on his knee as he got up.

"I'm sorry, buddy." he drifted towards the living room. "I heard you have Lego. Can you show me? Victor said you're really good at building. I bet I'm better at it though."

"What? No way!" he looked indignant. He began to climb off the chair and then stopped, biting his lower lip. He looked from the door to the chair, back to Yuuri. The brunet wondered what was going on in the little boy's head. He moved away from the chair like it was painful for him, crept towards Yuuri.  
"I know I can build better than you."

"Prove it." he raised an eyebrow.

The boy gave him a cross look and went to a toy box tucked into the corner. Now that Yuuri thought about it, it did look out of place in the room. He came dragging back a huge cinch sack. In a moment, he fumbled it open, revealing the mountain of Lego inside. He plopped down and began to build, carefully selecting his bricks.

Victor said he'd had a hard time playing. It sounded like Victor just needed to take a few lessons from a master, Yuuri thought smugly. They built for awhile, decided to see who could create the best castle. Yuuri was sure that his really was superior, but felt it might be best to give the kid a win this time. And it wasn't bad for a preschooler, he thought. He had a real eye for the shape of the architecture, although his color scheme (yellow and black) left a little to be desired.

"All right, kiddo, let's get some supper." he rose off his knees. He must be getting older, he reflected. He wasn't able to spend all his time playing on the floor anymore. Yuri looked up and scowled.

"I'm not hungry."

"You didn't have snack. You must be starving." a negative shake of the head. "Okay, well, pick up the Lego and--."

"You're the assistant!" he stood up and crossed his arms. "You pick them up."

"But we played with them together." he reasoned. "So you should at least help."

"No!" he stamped his foot. The older man was taken aback. He eyed the kid, took in the dark marks under his eyes, the inward curve of his tiny shoulders. He was obviously tired. Maybe it was a bad idea to argue with someone in that state of mind. And he hadn't eaten, so his blood sugar had to be crashing. He sighed and swept the bricks into the bag, cinching the bag shut. He hauled it back to the toy box.

"Want grilled cheese?"

"Yes," a tiny voice. They trooped into the kitchen, Yuri watching while the older made a quick sandwich, toasting it golden brown. He poured him juice, put it on his plate. The boy climbed into a stool to wash his hands, then sat and ate silently. By the time he was done with the hot sandwich, he could barely keep his eyes open.

"Let's get ready for bed, buddy."

"I'm not tired."

"I know. But Victor asked that you have pjs on when he got home, and that'll be pretty soon. I know it's been a long day, huh? Maybe tomorrow I can bring some paints and you can show me how well you do. I know you have to be good at it. I saw you drawing at the cafe." he talked so smoothly, the little boy didn't know he was being pulled into the bathroom. He stood still for a face washing, scrubbed his teeth.

The brunet was sure they were home free. Why did everyone complain about getting kids to bed? This couldn't have been any simpler!

His room was--not exactly a child's. Well, that wasn't exactly Yuuri's business. Victor had told him to put him in one of the pull ups in the top drawer, then let him pick pajamas. He reached for the drawer, and it was like the boy snapped to life.

"NO!" he shouted.

"What? What did I do?" he blinked, confused.

"I already told Victor I won't. Those are for babies, and I am not a baby!" his voice was raising with every word until it was nearly ear splitting. Yuuri winced and knelt down.

"I don't understand, buddy. Can you help me? Victor told me you wear them to bed."

"I don't. I haven't the whole time I've been here." he crossed his arms and stomped his foot again.

Yuuri began to suspect that he had been had. He sighed, resting his hands on his knees. They stared at each other for a few minutes.

"I don't want to get in trouble." he tilted his head to the side. "If I get in trouble, Victor might think I'm doing a bad job. And if I'm doing a bad job, I can't keep being your assistant."

"He'll find another."

"Probably." the older man agreed. "But I bet they wouldn't teach you how bake a chocolate cake, or let you lick the spoon, or take you a special place for a special ice cream at the end of the week."

Bribery is a powerful tool.

"Well..." Yuri was wavering. His arms dropped from their stiff attitude. "I don't actually need them or anything. So don't go thinking I do." he let Yuuri peel off his clothing.

"Oh, of course. I knew that right away. It must just be Victor being silly. Is he silly a lot?" he grabbed one of the pull ups from the drawer. The little boy rested his little hands on his shoulders as he stepped into it, let it be tugged up snuggly to his waist.

"You have no idea. All the time!" he rolled his eyes. Yuuri almost burst out into laughter. He coughed to hide it, watched the boy pick out a pair of Batman pajamas and struggle into them.

"Well, it sure is lucky that he has you here, isn't it?"

"Yes," Yuri climbed into the bed, pulled the duvet up. It wasn't in a fun color or a character print. But he let Yuuri pull it higher and switch on the little night light (which was, he said, just in case Victor needed him at night so he wouldn't stumble).  
"But Velveteen!" he said suddenly. "I left her on my chair."

He dutifully fetched the worn thing and delivered her to her owner, who snuggled down into the bed. The older man hovered by the bedside for a moment, chewing his lip.

"Did you want a story?"

"No. Good night, Yuuri."

"Good night, Yuri."


	5. When I See Your Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri and Yuri create some art.

“I think I've met an angel.” Victor declared, dropping into his chair. Chris stopped typing and looked up, raising an eyebrow.

“You haven't mentioned such a thing since Yuri came along. I was beginning to think that all the angels returned to heaven.”

“They left this one behind.” he spun slightly, looking dreamily up at the ceiling. “It's only been a day and I already can't imagine my life without him.”

“Should I be asking that person if they want a restraining order?” Chris sighed.

“Shut up. You're a terrible friend, why aren't you supporting my romantic endeavors?”  
“Because you do this. You pine and ache and lust and you never do end up talking to them. You do weird things like go to the coffee shop a bunch of they work there, or the bookshop and buy a lot of books and then you find out they're dating someone or married or just plain not interested. And then I get to mop up the puddle of woe and spend a week or so building you back into a semblance of a human. And I have a few deadlines, so I really don't have time for that right now. Besides, now we have Yuri to consider.” he added.  
“Although,” he amended. “I supposed he would be okay now that you have Yuuri.”

“Yuuri is the angel!” he pressed a hand to his chest.

“Er, what now?”

“Did you know that somehow he got Yuri to eat dinner? And to play? They actually played. And! And!” Victor was getting excited. “Yuuri got him to wear a pull up. I've been trying to do that for days. I didn't get up in the middle of the night to change wet sheets!”

“Did he sleep through the night?”

“No, he had a nightmare and called for me. I brought him back to my bed, but he did go back to sleep and didn't play bongos on my kidneys. He only whined a little bit about going to school this morning. He was more interested in knowing if Yuuri was going to pick him up.”

“That's progress.” Chris looked interested. “He didn't have fun with me at the bookstore. He just sat in a chair and waited for you. I pulled out all the stops. I made the puppets do stupid voices, I offered to buy him a book...” he trailed off.  
“I was heartbroken and a little insulted. Kids love me. Half the dates I've gone on are because I saw a single mother with a kid.”

“You're sick and brilliant.” Victor shook his head.

“But I'm never lonely, and I think that's the most important thing.” Chris winked. “But Yuuri does sound like a treasure. You better be paying him well.” he looked thoughtful.  
“We're really going to have to come up with something else to call them, this Yuuri-Yuri thing is going to get confusing quickly.”

Yuuri was waiting again to pick up the little boy at preschool. When the doors opened, he took off like a shot, immediately wrapping himself around Yuuri's legs. The older man blinked and put his hands on his shoulders. Almost immediately, he felt the heaving on the shoulders and realized he was crying.

“What's wrong?”

“Velveteen!” he pulled his face away, eyes red rimmed and brimming with anger. “Scott has Velveteen.”

“Which one is Scott?” he peered into the crowd and saw one of the little boys, tossing the ragged toy up and down and leering at Yuri. He sighed and took the sticky hand of the child and walked over.

“Scott? Can Yuri have his toy back, please?”

“No! You're not supposed to have toys in school, and it's not fair that he gets to have one and we don't.” the kid scowled and stepped away, holding the kitty behind his back.

“I think that's something you should take up with your teacher.” Yuuri frowned. “I don't know what the rules are out there. I do know that the rules out here are that you don't keep toys from other people. Now, give Yuri his toy back.” 

Scott gave him the dirtiest look a little kid could muster, all downturned lips and blue eyes turned dark. He scoffed and almost shoved the toy at Yuri. Yuuri gave him a smile.

“There! Say thank you, Yuri.” he directed.

“Thank you.” he charge said softly, seemingly much calmer to have the toy back in his hands. Yuuri just lead him away, aware of the daggers that were being glared his way. He didn't care though. That little jerk shouldn't be stealing toys.

Where had the teacher been, he wondered. Why hadn't she stopped it? She had been quick to drag Yuri out to him and air his issues. But Scott stole a toy and no one realized it? They walked quietly to the bus stop, Yuri's little bag on Yuuri's shoulder.

“Did you tell the teacher Scott had taken Velveteen?”

“She kept walking away to do something else whenever I tried to come towards her, and then the doors opened, and then...” his breath hitched. “I saw you and since you're my assistant I thought that you could help me.”

“Well, we got Velveteen, didn't we?” he squeezed Yuri's hand. “Maybe you should leave her in your backpack at school? No one could take her but you'd know she was there.”

“I can't.” he gave no reasoning, and Yuuri did not pry. He sighed instead as they climbed onto the bus and took their seats. The boy was so much more quiet than he was the previous day. He was so still, his face so pale.

He shed his coat, hung up his little backpack. But today he removed a few pieces of art. Yuuri grinned, thinking that he'd have a chance to really talk to him about something. The little boy turned and raced to his room instead. He paused. What was that about?

“What shall we make for a snack today?” he called instead.

“I want peanut butter and jam.” Yuri appeared shortly. He glanced at the little wooden chair and instead came instead into the kitchen with the older man. He hauled himself up into the chair. Yuuri wondered if there was a booster around, but knowing the few things that he knew, there was no way the little blond was going to agree to using something like that. 

When they were done eating, he cleared the table and pulled out his messenger bag. He withdrew a few trays of watercolors. Yuri's eyes went wide as Yuuri fetched a few glasses of water and paper towels and the brushes.

“This is much nicer than what they have at school.” the little blond observed.

“Try them out,” he dipped his own brush and began to spread some green onto his piece of paper. He didn't do as much, but used it as a chance to watch Yuri work. He selected the red and began to spread it thickly on the paper, then moved onto the black, smearing them together. There was no real rhyme or reason that he could see, but who cared? Sometimes art was just about fun! 

“At school they have these little brushes and the hairy bits fall out onto the paint.”

“Bristles, honey. They're called bristles.” he said absently.

“Either way. They fall off into the paint and then they stick and it ruins the whole picture. I only save my best pictures.”

“What do you save them for? Victor?”

“No,” he shook his head and pursed his lips. It was clear he wasn't going to expand on this, so Yuuri didn't push. He knew that he never responded well when someone was pressuring him.   
“But when the bristles are in there, it can't be the best work.” 

“Why not?” he rested his chin in his hand. “Isn't it your best if you've just done your best?”

“No, best has to mean perfect.” he shook his head emphatically.

“Well, I don't think so.” he frowned. 

“Yes it does,” his mouth took on a stubborn line. “Best means that everyone wants it. Best means that there isn't anyone better.” he was quiet for a moment.  
“That's why I have to be really good. I have to be the best so everyone will want me and know that Mommy is a good Mommy.”

This felt sticky. Yuuri squirmed in his seat. He moved his own brush around the page.

“Did Mommy tell you that?”

“Every day!” he looked at his caregiver with a frown. “Is that why she's not here? Because I wasn't the best?”

“No!” he said, almost too loud. “Yuri, I don't know where your Mommy is. But I do know that she would never leave you because you weren't the best. Okay?” 

“I'm trying really hard,” he was focusing on swirling his brush in the water, watching the colors as they oozed out and mixed.   
“I know I'm not doing good at school.”

“Oh, honey,” the older man put his palms flat on the table. “You're just a little boy, and you're doing your best. No one expects you to be perfect. Not Mommy, not the teachers, not Victor, and not me.”

“Uncle Chris said I'm perfect already.”

“Did he? Who is Uncle Chris?”

“Victor's friend. He took me to the bookstore the day I met you.”

“Oh, he thinks you're perfect? He's probably a pretty good judge. So I think you could listen to Uncle Chris.” he glanced at the clock.  
“What did you paint there, buddy?”

“I just wanted to see how the colors mixed.” he shrugged.

“Well, let's set that to the side and we'll let it dry. It's time to start washing up for supper. You need a bath tonight.”

“I don't want a bath.” he crossed his tiny arms with a big pout.

“You didn't have one last night.” Yuuri shrugged. “So you'll take one tonight.”

“No!” he kicked his foot out, knocking the table leg. The whole thing wobbled, and Yuuri looked on horrified as their rinse water spilled across the table and dripped onto the floor. Yuri gasped and gave a little cry. His hands flew to his mouth.  
“I'm sorry!” he said quickly.

“It's just water.”

“I didn't mean to! I promise! I'm so sorry!” he squeaked. Tears flooded his big green eyes. “I'll clean the mess. Messy is bad.”

“Yuri,” he reached for a few paper towels. “It isn't a big deal. It wipes right up.”

The little boy snatched the paper towels and began frantically wiping up the water. He was spreading the water around more than he was cleaning any of it. Yuri just knelt on the floor, surprised and shocked. Tears were streaming down his face.

“Don't be mad at me.” he begged. “Please, please, don't be angry with me.”

“I'm not!” he crawled across the floor, pried the wet toweling from the little boy. “I'm not angry. It was an accident. It's okay. You're okay.”

“Messes are bad.” he insisted. “They're so bad. Victor is gonna be so mad. Don't tell Victor.” he begged.

Yuuri wrapped his arms around the little boy and drew him into his lap. He rocked back and forth, pressing the head into his neck.

“Shh,” he hushed him. “It's okay. Victor won't be mad. I'm not mad. It's gonna be okay.” 

Ten little fingers knotted into his sweater. Little breaths came and went so fast, he worried the boy was going to hyperventilate. He stroked up and down his back, continuing to rock as he went. When the heartbeat wasn't going so fast, he deposited the boy back into his chair.

“Drink this,” he got filled one of the plastic tumblers in the cupboard from the tap and made quick work of the mess.  
“Let's have cereal for supper.”

“Really?” Yuri sounded suspicious. “That's okay to do?”

“It is if a grown up says it is.” he winked. “And I'm an adult.” even if I don't feel like it all the time, he added silently.

He poured them bowls of brightly colored cereal. Yuuri knew it was sugary, but he did pour milk into it. And that had to count for something. The kid smiled for what felt like the first time all day. He counted it as a win.

He finished the bowl and walked to the bathroom, looking only slightly like a man heading to the gallows. He was so dramatic, and the older man had to wonder if this was a preschooler thing or a Yuri thing. He stopped up the tub and let the warm water run.

“Do you have bubbles or toys?”

“No,” he focused on peeling off his socks.

“That's too bad,” Yuuri hummed. “Rubber duckies are a lot of fun.”

“Mommy said that's for little kids.”

“Did she?” something was starting to sound not quite right about Yuri's Mommy. He stopped the taps and helped the boy out with his shirt and unbuttoned his pants.  
“Well, I'm going to get some clean pjs for you, and then we'll wash your hair.” he pointed to the bright bottle of kid's soap, plastered with a brightly colored cartoon and promising to smell of strawberries. “Wash all over, okay?”

He fetched a pair of pajamas with dinosaurs on them. He realized then that all of Yuri's clothes seemed to be brand new. He knew that Yuri hadn't been with Victor very long, although he didn't know the reason why. All Victor had said was that he now was the guardian of his baby half brother, but didn't say why or how. He wondered if the boy had a growth spurt before he came, and maybe that's why all his clothes were gone.

The dreaded pull up was put on top of the pile and he went back to the bathroom. There wasn't any water splashed out on the floor like he expected. There was the heavy smell of strawberries. He knelt next to the tub and poured a little shampoo into his palm, coaxed the little head back and washed the pretty blond hair.

Yuri didn't fuss, and obediently closed his eyes when bit. He winced at the water running down his face, but did smile when his caregiver carefully wiped it dry.

“I'll give you a wash rag next time to put over your eyes. Then it wont get it your face so much. Is that why you hate baths?”

“Yes,” he admitted.

“I wish you had told me.” he made his voiced sound wounded. “I would have sorted that out for you! That's my job, right? As your assistant?”

Yuri looked thoughtful as his hair was conditioned and rinsed again. He let himself be placed onto the bathmat and dried off. Tonight, he only made a face at the pull up and didn't complain. He was dressed into his pajamas and walked to his room, Velveteen tucked safely in next to him.

“Will I see you tomorrow?”

“Mmhmm,” Yuuri smiled as he plumped up the pillow and switched on the night light. “But it's Friday, so after that, we won't see each other for two days.”

“Oh,”

“So we'll have lots of fun tomorrow!” he grinned. Yuri even giggled a little bit, snuggling down into his bed. Yuuri was sure he was asleep by the time he switched off the light.

Back in the kitchen, he double checked that there was no trace of the paints, and the table was wiped clean. The dishes were rinsed and stacked, the dishwasher started. Victor walked in just then, beaming sweetly.

“You're a miracle worker!” he gushed. “I have never gotten him down that easy.”

“Victor, I think that--.”

“You've been here two days and already our lives are so much easier. I owe you so much.” he shook his head.

“Well, that's great, but Victor--.”

“I know it's late, and you're tired. Thanks for everything!” he was being walked to the door, his coat handed to him, messenger bag waiting for him. Well, Chris was probably coming home and didn't want to have the nanny taking up space.

“We really do need to talk...” it sounded weak to him, too.

“Please, text me!” Victor waved. “Have a good night!” 

Yuuri was left staring at the door. This was going to be more complicated than he had anticipated.


	6. The Stars Lean Down To Kiss You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri and Yuri make a cake!

“Yuuri!” Yuri shouted as he flew off the preschool steps. Yuuri caught him in a hug. Velveteen was safely in his hand today, which gave him some sense of relief. He really didn't want to have to try and get the toy back from some other little goblin today.

“How was school today, kiddo?” he asked. Yuri shrugged and focused on trying to skip around the cracks in the sidewalk. Don't step on a crack, or you'll break your mother's back. Yuuri had only heard that rhyme when he moved to America, but he wondered if that was what the kid was thinking of as he skipped along.

“You said we were gonna have fun today. What are we gonna do?” he demanded with all the eagerness and joy that small children have when they're certain that something amazing is going to happen to them.

“Ah, I did say that, didn't we? I thought we could bake out very own chocolate cake. How does that sound?”

“Can we?” he lit up. “Can we, really? Do you know how?”

“Silly boy. I know everything.” he waggled his fingers mysteriously. Yuri just giggled. Yuuri liked the way that he seemed to be sunshine personified when he laughed. He'd have to see about that happening more often, he mused as they rode the bus in.  
“Did anything fun happen at school?”

“No, not really.”

“Did Scott give you anymore problems?”

“No, not really.” he repeated. “But he did give me a few mean looks. I think he's mad he doesn't have his own personal assistant.”

“That must be it.” Yuuri agreed. 

“Can we make the chocolate cake right now? Can we? Please?” Yuri was almost vibrating as they walked into the house.

“All right,” the older man laughed. “First you need to take off your school clothes, put on play clothes, and wash your hands.”

For once, Yuri didn't argue. He trotted to his bedroom while Yuuri unpacked his messenger bag. He and Phichit had shopped last night, finding a simple cake mix that only needed a little oil and an egg. Phichit had also insisted on buying Yuri his very own bright green apron, something which the little boy was thrilled with.

“It's mine for keeps?” he clutched the cheap fabric with the little cat wearing a chef's hat.

“Yours for keeps,” Yuuri nodded. “My friend thought you'd enjoy it. Now if you help me find a bowl, a pain, a spoon, and a measuring cup, we can get started!”

The little boy gathered the utensils from various cupboards and cabinets. It did require a little bit of rummaging, so they weren't exactly in the pristine condition that they had found them. But, well, what could you expect when living in the house with a curious little boy?

Yuuri tied the apron around Yuri and washed his own hands.

It was certainly interesting to cook with a child. While the oven was preheating, he read off the instructions. He helped Yuri pour the oil and dump in the mix. He let him help crack the egg, which the child was immensely pleased with. He gave it hearty mixes with the wooden spoon.

Yuuri greased the pan and let the little boy pour. The mix was a bit lumpy, and maybe wasn't entirely lump free. He was pretty sure there were a few shards of eggshell in there. But he didn't have the heart to go and do it behind the kid. He was afraid it would make it seem like he hadn't done it well enough. 

The cake went into the oven to bake. He pulled a spoon from the drawer and handed it to him.

“You're having fruit for snack all next week.”

“Okay, sure!” he agreed readily. Yuuri knew it was not likely to be that simple next week, but he was wearing the ground work. He grabbed another spoon, and they made quick work of the left over batter. Yuuri had never put much stock into the whole idea anyone was going to get salmonella or e coli from indulging in such a treat.

By the time they were done, there was batter in Yuri's hair, on his face, down his apron. But he was grinning from ear to ear. It was really Yuuri's own fault. He looked around the kitchen, seeing the batter on the floor, the little oil spilled on the table. There were the dishes overflowing in the sink. It was going to be a big deal to clean up.

But he instantly knew that it was worth it. 

“I think you're gonna need another bath, bud.”

“Aww, but you said if I took one the day before I didn't have to take one that day.” it was a jumbled message that only made sense if you heard it right from the kid. He just smiled.

“But you're covered in chocolate batter.”

“So? I'll still be covered tomorrow.”

“I really don't want you to go to bed that way and make the sheets a mess too. Then I'd have to spend all day Monday trying to get the stains out instead of playing. You don't want that, do you?” he crossed his arms. Yuri heaved a deep, long suffering sigh and headed for his room to go and find a pair of pajamas.

Another bath was run, and Yuri diligently washed himself while his assistant filled the washing machine with the weeks dirty school clothes and pajamas. When the machine was dutifully humming, he went to wash the little boy's hair. He even remembered to bring the wash cloth, which he folded and had the boy press to his eyes when his hair was rinsed. He seemed significantly more comfortable with the whole process now.

It would go even better if they had a removable shower head. The shower head in here was one of the big, fancy rain shower kinds. It was nice enough, but not exactly what he could call practical for a little boy. 

“Do you like having your hair long?”

“Mommy likes it long.” he touched the wet strands. “I can't cut it because if she comes back and sees that I cut it, she'd be awfully upset.”

“Does Mommy get upset about a lot of things?” he folded his arms on the edge of the tub, resting his chin on his arms.

“She doesn't mean to... Daddy said that she juts gets stressed and tired. She doesn't mean to get so upset. So we have to do our best to do what she asks so that we don't make her feel worse.”

“I understand.” he didn't really. He instead drained the tub and pulled the little boy out, rubbing him dry with one of the huge, fluffy towels. He was dressed quickly and walked back to the kitchen. The cake was pulled out onto the counter to cool.

“When can I have some?” the little blond begged.

“After you've eaten all your dinner.” chicken and broccoli was quickly reheated. The chicken went down well enough, but he stared at the broccoli. He even looked up at Yuuri with big, sad green eyes.

“Two pieces. That's all I ask.”

They went down with a lot of faces and crinkled noses. But it did satisfy the brunet, so he sliced two triangles of the still warm cake. He poured tall glasses of almond milk. After he got the kid to bed, he thought, he'd clean the kitchen.

But just as they were about midway through their pieces the door opened. Yuri didn't even look up from his plate.

“Yura!” Victor came bursting into the kitchen, giving his heart shaped smile. “Did you have a good d--? What happened in here?” he cried, seeing the drying batter and the sink.

“We made a cake.” Yuri didn't even glance at him. “I did most of the work. But Yuuri read the directions for me.”

“Did he?” he kept looking around, his icy blue eyes wide.

“Victor, what's--? Oh!” sex on a stick walked in and covered a giggle with his hand. Uncle Chris, the brunet's mind supplied. Victor's friend. Given the mirthful looks that Chris was giving Victor, he was assured that they were very close friends.

“I was going to clean after Yuri went down for the night.” Yuuri cleared his throat.

“I'm just surprised.”

“It's really good.” Yuri finally looked up. “Don't you want some, Vitya?”

Some of the shock oozed off Victor's face, replaced by a long, warm look. He put his hand on the still damp blond hair and exhaled deeply. He even dropped a kiss on top of his head, pausing for a moment to breathe in the smell of strawberries.

“Finish it and go brush your teeth. Uncle Chris will help, okay?”

“You and your nanny have been busy today, haven't you?” Chris cooed, looking fondly at the little boy.

“He's not my nanny.” Yuri scowled. “He's my assistant, Uncle Chris! I'm too big for a nanny.”

“That's right, of course. How silly of me.”

“I'll start cleaning then.” Yuuri rose sharply, having finished his cake already.

“No, that's fine. We'll deal with it.” Victor waved him off. He paused then and handed him an envelope. “Pay day Friday!”

“Er, right. Thanks.” it was awkward to accept the money. He tucked it into his messenger bag. Chris had dropped into his seat and was talking quietly to Yuri. He touched the damp hair, accepted a bite   
of cake from his fork and was immediately praising the sweet.  
“I guess I'll see you all on Monday?”

“We're looking forward to it. And Yuuri? Please don't worry about the mess. Chris is more than happy to help me clean it up.”

The man with the two toned hair gave him a fake wounded look.

“Vitya wants me to work hard, can you believe it?” he pouted to Yuri. “I don't think he likes me much at all, he just wants me here for my work skills.”

“Of course I like you.” Victor walked over and wrapped an arm around his neck. “How could you ever doubt that?”

It was clear to Yuuri in that moment that he had been neatly dismissed.

***

“Well, you can't know for sure that he was mad about the cake.” Phichit pointed out. Yuuri had immediately deposited the check, catching the bank just before they closed. He decided to treat his roommate not only to his half of the rent, but to some pad Thai. 

“He just froze and stared at the mess.” he sighed, his contained sitting in the space made by his pretzel twisted legs.

“You said the place looked like it had been put together by an interior decorator. He's probably not used to the type of mess that kids can make. A guy as put together as that, you wonder if he ever really was a kid, right?” Phichit joked.

“Well, I know that's probably part of it. But I get the feeling that Yuri didn't get to be a kid for a long time either. And he's not that old!”

“Did he talk about his Mom again?”

“It was nothing I think reflected kindly on her.” he said darkly. “But, of course, we are hearing all these things filtered through a preschooler, so it's entirely possible he didn't understand exactly what was being said and what it meant.”

“That's true.” Phichit hummed. “Still...”

“Right, still...” he agreed with a sigh. It made him uncomfortable to think of all the things he had heard. These were things that he was going to have to bring up to Victor, when he was able. He had hoped to pin him down tonight, but no such luck.

Some of this seemed far beyond a text message. 

“He gave you a bonus, though, she couldn't have been that upset with you.”

“He wrote me the check before he saw the disaster of his kitchen.” Yuuri took a bite. “I guess I can't be too bothered. Uncle Chris was there this time.” the last part was said with bitterness, and the merest bit of a sneer.

“Sex on a stick?” Phichit grinned.

“Sex on a stick.” Yuuri agreed. “And he sat with Yuri and got a bite of his cake. And Victor came over and gave him a big hug before I left.”

“It's probably a bad idea to fall in love with your employer, Yuuri.” Phichit raised an eyebrow. 

“That doesn't mean I can't dream! Don't take that from me, too!” he shook his fork at him.


	7. I Will Carry You Through It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vitya and Chris have a talk. Something tragic happens to Velveteen.

The weekend passed, with Yuri demanded to know how much longer until Monday. There was no answer that seemed satisfactory for him. He kept telling Victor all kinds of facts about his assistant. Was Victor aware that Yuuri could paint? Did he know that he was able to rescue Velveteen from Scott? And was it news to Victor that Yuuri let him press the button the bus to let them off?

It was cute, Victor thought. But it did give him a small pang of jealousy. He wondered if Yuuri talked about him with so much enthusiasm. He looked at his phone from time to time, wondering if he should text. They did have a lot of things to discuss when it came to Yuri. But that wasn't what he really wanted to talk about, if he was being honest with himself.

Hi, how are you, you're gorgeous. I know you take care of my baby brother, but do you think you could baby sit me once in awhile? Or hey, my brother says that you make wonderful cake. Care to have a slice off my body? There was nothing Victor could think of to talk about that didn't involve sounding desperate. But he hadn't even been on a date since Yuri came.

Finally, Monday dawned. Yuri sprang out of bed with a pep in his step for the first time since he'd been there. He walked right to his dresser and began to pick out an outfit for the day. Victor stood in the doorway, nonplussed. It had been one of the rare nights that Yuri didn't need to sleep in his bed, so he'd actually had a good night's sleep. He had come into the room to wake Yuri, and expected the usual groaning and blankets being pulled up over his head.

"Is there something exciting happening at school today?"

"Nope." he shook his head. "I hate school. But afterwards, I get to see Yuuri!"

"Oh, how could I forget?" he smiled and knelt down to help the little blond peel out of his pajamas. He said nothing about the damp pull up, but swiped a wipe around Yuri, ignoring his blush. He had found that if he didn't indulge in a discussion, Yuri wouldn't be as upset about things. He'd take some clean up over dealing with a tantrumming kid every morning.  
"What do you want for your birthday?" he asked instead, helping him into his long sleeved shirt.

"Daddy said he'd get me a kitty."

"Did he?" he grinned as the blond hair popped through the neck hole, looking rumpled. "A friend for Velveteen?"

"Sort of. A real kitty. The kind that breathes. Vitya?"

"Hmm?" he focused on helping him into a pair of socks. He desperately hoped that Yuri wasn't going to ask if he could still have a cat. That task just seemed far too much for him to conquer at this moment in time.

"When is Daddy coming for me?"

"Um..." he swallowed down his panic. "I guess I don't really know, baby." that wasn't a lie. Victor had no knowledge of a date when people would rise from the dead and walk around. And if he did have such knowledge, he certainly wouldn't be sharing it with a preschooler. That just sounded like a recipe for nightmares.

"I hope he comes soon." he sighed and looked mournful. Sometimes Victor forgot he wasn't the only one who lost his dad that day. He just hugged the boy, gave him a kiss on the head.

"Pancakes for breakfast?" he suggested, hoping to change the subject. He usually didn't offer something like that on a weekday, but he had gotten such nice sleep. The boy smiled and bounced to go and brush his teeth.

In the car, Yuri sat in his carseat, Velveteen on his lap. He messed with the kitty's ears, looking out the window. Victor kept glancing in the rearview mirror. He could tell that there were some wheels turning in the little boy's head, and wondered if he should prompt him, or let him speak on his own time. He hummed along to the radio.

"Is Mommy coming soon?"

"Mommy?" well, it was more likely that she'd come before their Dad, that was for sure. "I guess I don't really know that one either, baby."

"I thought grown ups were supposed to know everything." he crossed his arms in a pout.

"Not everything. Just most things most of the time."

"Yuuri knows everything."

"He does not."

"He does, too,"

"He does--." Victor realized he was engaging in an argument with a four year old. You should never argue with someone stupid, he remembered. They'd just pull you down to their level and beat you with experience. And while Yuri was not stupid, he knew there was not a chance of beating him in terms of stubbornness.  
"Well, you've had to show him a few things, haven't you?"

"But only because he didn't know where our stop was for the bus, not because he didn't know how to ride the bus. That's very different." the kid had a point. But happily, they were pulling up to the school at that moment. He got out and unbuckled the little boy, watching as he stuffed Velveteen into his book bag.

"She doesn't go into school anymore?"

"Not so people could see her." he shook his head and hopped out, slipping his arm little hand into Victor's. He was delivered to his classroom and hurried off to hang his bag and coat. Victor's eyes darted around. At least the teacher, with her severe black bun and chunky silver earrings was talking to another parent. She wouldn't have the chance to pin him today. He slipped out of the classroom.

He didn't envy his baby brother having to deal with her every day. He didn't know how he would be able to stand it.

"You didn't text him all weekend?" Chris looked up from his laptop, looking shocked.

"Surely you must know I have some self restraint rather than to throw myself at the feet of the nanny."

"You do not." he said mildly. "But the point here isn't that you've spent several days in here obviously pining for him. You actually need to discuss things about Yuri with him."

"He seems to have a handle on the situation. Kid adores him."

"And that's great. Yuri needs that and deserves it. Just like you deserve the peace of mind of leaving your kid with someone that you can trust. But he does need to know everything that's been   
happening. And so does Yuri." he added. Victor groaned and scrubbed his palms down his face, feeling his lower eyelids dragging as he did so.

"He asked me today when Dad and Natalie would be coming for him."

"Victor! Have you still not told that child that his dad is dead and his mother is missing?" he gasped.

"I was kind of hoping he'd forget about it?" he said sheepishly. "I'm pretty forgetful."

"Well you don't just forget about the fact that you had parents, do you?" his cheeks were going red. He stopped and buried his face in his hands, reminding himself to take a few deep breaths. A year or so ago, a woman that had been involved with Victor once said that it was very lucky he was attractive. Otherwise no one would be able to tolerate his bullshit.

"I don't know what to say..." Victor said, his voice soft and sad. "I don't know how to tell him. You know Dad adored that child since he took his first breath. And he's lucky he had Dad, given the way Natalie is. Or was. I don't know what tense to apply to her anymore. He's told me some disturbing things about her, and I'm not sure what to make of them."

"You need to put yourself and that kid in therapy." Chris had a firm tone to his voice. "I love you like a brother, you know that. But Yuri is way too wonderful of a child to be ruined that way." he put his hands on his desk. "We can go right to employee assistance and they can help you find a therapist."

"I'm not ready." he shook his head. "And you've seen him, he's doing much better with Yuuri."

"Yuuri is not a psychologist, and he can't fix all your problems. He's the nanny. He's good with the kid, I'll give you that much. But don't lay it all at his feet to save you. You won't even tell him everything that needs to be said!"

"I'll work on it, I will." Victor conceded. "Let's just get through this day, okay? Our inboxes are full..." he sighed. He used to spend at least part of his weekends working to avoid this. But since Yuri and in between making snacks and putting him to bed and getting him up and trying to coax him from that little wooden chair... There was just no time for that.

Yuuri arrived at school, finding himself surprised that he was actually happy to be working. He was looking forward to seeing Yuri. He glanced at his phone for a few minutes. When the doors opened, he looked up, smiling. A little ball of blond hair flew at him. He caught him and realized tears were streaming down his face. He threw his arms around Yuuri's neck.

"What's wrong?" he frowned.

"V-v-velveteen." he stammered.

"What happened to her?"

Yuri pointed behind him. There was that Scott kid again. Yuuri sighed, the little legs wrapping around his waist as he walked over. The kid was holding the stuffed cat, and to his credit he did look at least a little upset himself. He glanced at the nanny and went pale. The poor stuffed cat had a rip in her back, and one of her legs was dangling.

"What did you do?" Yuuri gasped. He snatched the toy. The boy's lower lip wobbled.

"I-I just wanted to see it."

"No!" the blond gave a screech such that only a child who is experiencing an injustice can. "He got into my backpack when we were in line to come outside. And then he told me," here he took a shuddery breath. "That kids don't have assistants and that you're just a baby sitter. I tried to get her back, but he would let go and now she's broken!"

"Give me the toy." Yuuri said through clenched teeth. Scott handed Velveteen over with shaky hands. "Go and get the teacher. We'll wait."

Scott scampered back inside. As they waited, Yuuri rubbed up and down the tiny back. He swayed from side to side. It was an almost instinctual motion, and it seemed to be helping. The sobs were dying down. The teacher walked up, arms crossed, sighing before they even spoke. Yuuri felt himself getting upset.

"What's the problem now?"

"Scott," Yuuri pointed to the toy. "Got into his backpack and damaged his toy."

"Scoooottt," the teacher said in a syrupy voice. "What do we saaaay?"

"Sorry," he squeaked.

"There, all better."

"No," Yuuri was surprised by the ice in his voice. "It isn't the first time. We agreed that Velveteen could stay in the backpack and that would stop some of the fighting about it. Yuri upheld his part of the bargain."

"Well, perhaps if Yuri tried to be friendlier--."

"Perhaps if you did a better job keeping an eye on the children!" it was, of course, not exactly the correct thing to say. But Yuuri knew that she didn't like this little boy in his arms, and he really, really did   
not like that. The teacher pressed her palm to her chest.

"I think we'd best discuss this with his guardian and the principal. How is tomorrow afternoon for you?"

"Perfect," he spat. He turned and headed to the bus stop, still carrying the little boy in his arms. They just caught the bus, and the driver frowned to see Yuri upset. The brunet just shook his head and sat   
down in a front seat. The walk inside was sad and quiet, too.

"Is she broken forever?" Yuri asked as the door closed. Yuuri sat him down and smiled. He brushed the pretty blond hair out of the sticky face.

"No, I can fix her."

"You can?!?" that little voice full of awe. Well, Yuuri might not be perfect at it, but he did use some fabrics in art sometimes. Phichit would be better at it, maybe.

"If I can't, I bet Peach can. Remember? My roommate who got you your apron?"

"But you'd have to take her home." he frowned. "And then she'd be away from me for a whole night. She's never been away a whole night." his eyes were brimming with tears again. Yuuri carefully put Velveteen on the table and gathered the little boy in his arms.

"You can think about it." he murmured. "Why don't we wash your face?" he carried him to the kitchen sink and wiped his face and hands with a wet paper towel.  
"I'm sorry it was a hard day, Yuri. But they do happen."

"You yelled at my teacher."

"And I probably shouldn't have." he sighed.

"I've been wanting to do that since I met her."

Yuuri laughed and gave him a squeeze, set him down and pulled out some apples to slice for snack. He thought it would have been a nice day for cake again, but he had said they'd be having fruit for a snack. They ate the apples and then washed their hands. Yuri dragged out the wooden chair again, climbing and curling up into himself.

He contemplated the little boy. Should he try and coax him into playing? Leave him alone? Offer him a nap? Instead, he sat at the table with his sketchbook and began to draw out the look on his face, trying hard to capture the longing and aching in his eyes. It hurt to draw, and it hurt even more to see. But he wasn't sure how to help, or what more he could offer.

"What do you want for supper?" he asked eventually.

Yuri just shook his head and curled up tighter. There weren't any instructions today, but a bowl of soup seemed easy enough. They were warmed in the microwave and set on the table. He managed to coax the boy to sit down and even take a few bites.

"Let's wash up and put on pajamas." Yuuri announced. "I know it's early, but we can watch a movie on the couch."

He tolerated the tooth brushing, the hair combing, the hands and faces washed. He didn't even blink tonight at the night clothes. He sat in one corner of the couch, hugging tightly a pillow. He kept glancing at Velveteen, but seemed afraid to touch herm, obviously worried that she'd rip more. He tried to turn on a Disney movie, but the boy didn't seem to be watching at all, with glassy green eyes.

When the door opened, he took off like a shot.

"Vitya! Vitya!" he didn't even let his brother take off his coat before he was demanding to be picked up. Victor acquiesced.

"Yura, what's the matter?"

"Velveteen got ripped!"

"She did?" he sounded horrified as well. Yuuri hovered in the back.

"Scott at school ripped her. And Yuuri yelled at my teacher." the aforementioned man felt his face heating up. This was going to be more difficult to explain than he hoped.

"Oh, I see." he stroked the blond hair back. "Okay, well, why don't you go and finish your movie while I talk to Yuuri about it." the boy was put back down, gave his assistant a hug.

"I don't want Velveteen to go for the night."

"All right, I'll bring needle and threat and stitch her up tomorrow." he patted his back. They watched the boy climb back onto the sofa. "We're due tomorrow after school for a meeting with the teacher and the principal."

"I figured something like this was coming." he ran his hand through that gorgeous platinum hair. Yuuri wanted to run his fingers through it, burrow into it, smell it. "Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow at school. What should we do with Yura?"

"I'll have it covered. My roommate is off, and he can come and fix poor Velveteen for us."

"I am sad this happened." Victor hesitated. He looked so raw, so vulnerable in that moment. "There are a few other things I think we need to discuss. Can I take you for coffee afterwards?"

"Oh, um, sure?"

"Your roommate will watch him for us?"

"I guess," Yuuri shrugged. He put on his coat and bag and walked out with a wave.

If only it was a date.


	8. I Know When You're Mad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor and Yuuri have a much needed discussion.  
> Velveteen is fixed.

"Are you sure you're okay with this?" Yuuri asked, uncertain.

"Piece of cake," Phichit assured him. Yuuri sighed, running his hand through his hair and pushing his glasses higher up on his nose.

"Don't give him any cake." he warned. "We're on strict healthy snacks this week. We had cake last week. He will ask you. He has giant green, glistening eyes. You must resist them."

"What kind of fool do you take me for?" Phichit scoffed. "I think I can handle a four year old, Yuuri."

"Don't overestimate yourself." he slipped the key out of his pocket. "Now, he can show you want stop to get off at and---."

"Victor sent me the directions twice." Phichit rolled his dark eyes playfully. "Everything is going to be fine. It's weird that he's entrusting a total stranger with his kid and his house, though."

"Victor is kind of a strange man." Yuuri shrugged. "That doesn't make he wonderful, though."

"All right, lover boy, pipe down." the doors swung up, just as another car came nosing into the parking lot, sliding into one of the few open spaces. The students came pouring out, as always. Phichit's eyes widened at the sea of thigh and hip high heads that surged and flowed around them.  
"They could pull you down and trample you!" he gasped.

"Yeah, you better hold on." he smirked, but his eyes kept combing over the children. Finally, a familiar little head poked out. The hair was messy today, barely combed. The shirt was inside out, and the sweatpants looked like they were backwards. It must have been a particularly rough morning. He frowned when he didn't get his flying hug today.

"Yuuri," Yuri said it like a sigh and lifted his arms up. Even though they had a meeting, Yuuri couldn't resist bending and picking him up. His little face was sticky and tear tracked. He cooed and rubbed his back.

"Not a good day, bud?"

"I know you and Vitya have a meeting, but please," he pulled back, staring into dark brown eyes earnestly. "Please take me home?" little fingers tangled in his sweater.

"I can't," he shook his head. "But! Remember, my friend said he'd help?"

"Hi!" Phichit stepped forward. "Are you Yuri? I've heard so so much about you."

"Are you the one that can fix Velveteen?" he asked, somewhat suspiciously.

"I sure am. I used to help my Mama sew in her seamstress shop." Yuri seemed to think about this as he was set down. His eyes raked over Phichit. The Thai man actually looked a little bit nervous. The boy gave one nod of approval after his appraisal and held out a sticky little hand. Phichit took it and started to walk towards the bus stop.

"He got off okay." Victor strolled up, jacket swinging, scarf draped artfully around his neck. "He's usually so nervous around strangers. I'm impressed! You and your friends must have a magic touch." that heart shaped smile was enough to disarm anyone.

"He's a special kid." Yuuri shrugged. They looked up, and there was the teacher, with her severe bun and heavy earrings, arms crossed.

"Gentlemen, we can see you now." she was looking down her nose at them, standing on top of the steps to the school. Both of the men exchanged a glance and trailed after her into the school. The walls were brightly colored, decorated with various artworks in childish scrawl. The whole building looked half digested and kind of made Victor sick, with it's smell of crayons and disinfectant and orange peels.

The principal was a short, wide man, with a long curly white beard and a sprinkling of curly white hair. He wore little round glasses and folded his hands on his belly. He looked, Yuuri thought, a bit like Santa Clause. He gave them each a smile and gestured to the seats, thankfully adult size folding chairs and not child size. Victor didn't think he would have been able to handle that. This office was warmer, decorated in chocolatey brown tones, with the big wide desk and chair the principal sat in.

He offered them each his candy dish, smiling when both men refused.

"Now," he sat comfortably back. "It seems we have much to discuss."

"We certainly do!" the teacher cut in, her hands on her hips. "That little boy has been nothing but a nuisance since the day he came."

"That's a little harsh, Sandra." the Principal said mildly.

"Well, Philip, I can't help it. He's spent almost every day sitting in a chair, refusing to participate."

"It's my understanding that the boy has had some trauma?" Philip leaned forward. Yuuri turned to look at Victor, who almost vanished through the floor.

"That is true," he murmured. "We are working on it."

"If his trauma was so disruptive." Yuuri found himself saying. "Why has he not been referred to a school social worker or counselor?"

"Because there's nothing I can't deal with in my classroom." Sandra huffed, crossing her arms. Yuuri stared at her.

"You haven't been able to keep Scott from harassing him."

"What now?" Philip blinked.

"I've caught that kid twice now taking Yuri's comfort object. He even ripped it yesterday." Yuuri saw his chin. "And Yuri told me that kind of thing has been going on in the classroom. When I mentioned it to her yesterday, she told me that Yuri should try to be friendlier. I don't know about you, sir, but I don't make it a habit to get close to my bullies."

"Is that so, Sandra?" the principal peered through his glasses.

"Well, maybe Scott was having a few bad days." she allowed. "But I don't think we should label him a bully."

"You're quick to label a traumatized child a problem." Victor shrugged. "I don't see why we should stop there." he had crossed his legs casually, as though having a chat with some friends.  
"Ms. Jenkins, I know you haven't liked Yuri the whole time he's been here. But I feel like you're expecting that little boy to act like an adult because it would be more convenient for you."

"What do you know about children?" she snapped. "You're just some flighty, fruity man. I know you got stuck with him, you don't have to pretend. And then there's this one." she pointed at Yuuri, who jumped.  
"Bet you grabbed him because you thought he was cute. Please," she snorted. "He has the same name as your brother."

"Well that's not my fault!" Yuuri growled.

"It's strange that a single man would take care of a child." she said, and smirked, like she'd laid down the final blow.

"What are you implying?" Victor asked slowly.

"Now now," Philip said nervously, his palms out wide. "let's not get too worked up."

"Oh no," Victor's tone was friendly, but there was a layer of ice underneath. "Ms. Jenkins obviously has something to say about me taking care of my baby brother. I'm just dying to hear it. We're all waiting!"

"No, no!" Philip jumped up. "She's done. Mr. Nikiforov, I apologize. We can transfer Yuri and--."

"I don't think I care to have him stay in a bigoted school with adults that fail to protect him. He's had about enough of that. Wouldn't you agree? I'm withdrawing him today. Preschool is not compulsory."

"But there are other classes, and..."

"No, thank you." Victor rose. "Come, Yuuri, there's a little boy waiting on us." he walked out. Yuuri trotted behind him. He did stop at the door to give the woman a withering look. The principal was sitting with his face in his hands, shaking his head slowly.

"When I think of how I've left Yura in the care of a woman like that..." Victor was fuming on the way to the car. He hit the fob to open it, wrenched the door opened. Yuuri sat in the passenger seat quietly.   
"She has no business being around little kids."

"What kind of trauma?" Yuuri cut into his rant.

"What?"

"What. Kind. Of. Trauma?"

"I suppose I can't hide from it anymore." Victor exhaled, flexing his fingers on the steering wheel. "I'll explain it to you over coffee. All of it."

Yuri stood by the couch, chewing his lower lip and wringing his hands. Phichit delicately turned the stuffed cat in his hands, examining the rips. They weren't dire, were thankfully along seams. He hummed and reached into his messenger bag for a sewing kit. Truthfully, the cat could stand being restuffed, being sent through the washer, her fur combed through.

One look at the little boy's face told him what a poor idea that would be. He didn't even have the heart to try and coax him from being away from his beloved toy. Instead, he carefully began to sew up the rip in her back, reattach her back leg. He worked quickly and quietly, green eyes sharply taking in his every motion.

"There you go!" he held the cat out. "One healthy Velveteen."

Yuri squealed and took the toy, clasping it to his chest. It was easy to see why she was so loved looking. Obviously he adored the toy. This was a comfort object, not just a teddy bear he had a fondness   
for. He looked up at Peach with awe and something like hero worship. The Thai man patted his head and haded for the kitchen.

"Yuuri said that you could have a snack."

"No thank you," he said primly, climbing into a small wooden chair. He sighed happily, playing with the matted fur. "Velveteen and I would prefer to wait."

"But wouldn't you wait better on a full stomach?"

"Probably not." he shook his head. Phichit cocked his head to the side and sat at the table. He hadn't known a child to wait so still and so patient. "Mr. Peaches?"

"What, honey?"

"Did Yuuri and Vitya say how long they'd be?"

"Before supper."

"Oh," he sounded disappointed, his tiny shoulders curl in on themselves.

Phichit pulled out a text book and began to read, keeping one eye on the little boy, who didn't ask him for another thing. He simply sat on the chair and waited.

The coffee shop was quiet this time of day. Victor ordered one cup, black, while Yuuri asked for a vanilla latte. They sat and sipped for a second.

"You know that Yuri is my baby brother. My mother died when I was a teenager. It took Dad a few years, but eventually he met Natalie. She was young," he sighed. "Pretty. I think, on some level, he was trying to recapture his youth. Hell, she wasn't much older than me. She liked going out, she liked loud music, she liked having fun. She was nothing like my mother. I thought maybe it would be good for him. I didn't expect them to stay married or anything like that, but, I thought it would be nice for him for awhile, at least."

"I'm sorry about your mother." Yuuri murmured.

"She had been sick for so long. It was a relief when she finally passed, really." he waved it off. "I was glad to see my Dad happy again. He had worked so hard to bring us to America, and it broke his heart when Mom was so sick." he contemplated the dark liquid in his cup.  
"And he didn't divorce Natalie. She got pregnant."

"Oh,"

"No one was more surprised than her, I think." he gave a humorless laugh. "Dad was over the moon I was out of the house, but I admit that I was a little happy at the thought of having a little sibling. Someone to be my family again. I went to the hospital when he was born. I remember sitting in that rocking chair, having him placed in my arms." he smiled, a distant look in his eye.  
"I fell in love with him right away, Yuuri. That little dusting of blond hair, those big big eyes. He was an old soul, even then. And I've never loved anyone as much as I loved him. I know it sounds strange."

"No, I think I understand when it comes to Yuri."

"I was grown, but I came when I could. I brought presents. Put him to bed. And then I noticed that Natalie was--strange."

"Strange?" he repeated.

"She didn't like to hold him. She rolled her eyes when he needed a bottle. She scowled when he needed a diaper change. She seemed to only really like him when he was sleeping or sitting quietly." Yuuri felt cold fingers gripping around his heart. "At first I thought it was maybe PPD. And I mentioned it to Dad, and he admitted to me she'd never wanted kids at all, and only had him because Dad wanted him. I think it was wrong he coaxed that out of her, and I think it was wrong she resented Yura for it."

"Well it sounds like they were both wrong."

"They were," he nodded. "And Dad did try. He took care of Yura all he could, he was retired by then. And Natalie spent less and less time in the house. It was for the best. When she was home, everyone was on edge. Yuri spent a lot of time hiding behind Dad. Dad was doing anything to pacify her. Giving her money. Telling her she didn't have to come home if she didn't want to."

"What was she doing?"

"I guess I'm not sure. I have--suspicions. And I know she wasn't being kind to Yura."

"What happened to them?" Yuuri finally asked after a sip of his drink. 

"Dad is dead." he said flatly. Yuuri coughed, nearly choking on his coffee.

"He's what? You didn't tell me that!"

"I didn't think it was important!"

"How is something like that not important?" the brunet glared. Victor only shrugged sheepishly.

"He died of a heartattack. Natalie went with him on the ambulance, hysterical. She disappeared at the hospital."

"Where was Yuri?"

"Home," he said softly. "I went back to the house and I found him curled up in his little chair, clutching Velveteen for all he was worth. He said he'd seen Daddy fall down. He said his Mommy started screaming into the phone. In all the commotion, he'd hidden in his room, and when he came out, the house was quiet and empty. I hadn't taught him my phone number yet. I thought Natalie had come back for him, but no."

"Where is she now?"

"I have no idea." he shrugged. "I'm not looking for her. He's better off without her."

"He has made some comments..." Yuuri trailed off.

"The house went to me, it had been Mom and Dad's from before, it was in the prenup. I've shut it up and I have security systems there, anything worthwhile was removed, and it's all insured. Dad was always putting money aside for Yuri, so that account is safe, and Natalie can't get to it." he sighed, resting his elbows on the table and his chin in his hands.  
"And my inheritance is safe. I make enough money even without all that. Anything Natalie could touch has been drained, and I'm not putting anymore money in there."

"Victor, Yuri doesn't know your dad is dead." he began hesitantly.

"Oh, I know." he waved it off. Yuuri stared.

"He thinks he's getting a cat for his birthday from your dad." he cried, aghast.

"Well, not from Dad."

"How could you not tell him!?!?"

"I thought that..." he trailed off. "I didn't know what to say."

"Victor! That child is obviously traumatized in many ways. You can't just hide these things from him." he lectured. "What are you going to do about this?"

"I don't know. I thought that if I didn't tell him, I could protect him from that. I couldn't protect him from Natalie, so I thought I could spare him this much. He's so young, he might forget."

"He might forget the event." Yuuri said tightly. "But he isn't going to just forget the trauma. That is not how that kinda thing works." he had, in fact, taken a psych course early in college. He was glad now that he remembered this much.

"I don't know what to do." Victor's voice was soft and lost.

"You're going to get him into therapy. You're going to go to therapy or parenting classes or something. You need to figure this out, too!"

"But you'll still be his nanny?" the question hung, heavy in the air.

This was not what Yuuri had signed up for. He stared at the older man for a moment, fire from his eyes. He should say no, he thought. He didn't need this mess, this stress.

But what had Celestino said? About experiencing life?

Wasn't this life?

"Not if you don't get treatment for him."

"I will, I promise!" Victor reached across the table, grabbed his hand. It was clutched in both of his, pulled close to Victor's heart. "Please, Yuuri."

"You're wrong, anyway. I'm not his nanny. I'm his assistant."

Walking into the house, both Victor and Yuuri felt drained. He shoved his car keys in his pocket and sighed, running his hands through his platinum strands.

"I should order a pizza. What am I gonna do with him during the days now? He isn't in school."

"I'll be with him." Yuuri shrugged. "That's what you hired me for. There's playgroups. It's fine. We'll figure it out. You're going to find him a therapist first, anyway." he gave him a meaningful look.

As they walked in, Victor gasped. Every blanket and pillow in the apartment was in the living room. A long blanket fork at been created with the kitchen chairs. Two plates sat out in front of the opening flap. Chocolate cake crumbs smudged guiltily there and on the carpet. Two sets of eyes peered out from the fort, one nearly black, and one glistening green.

"Phichit." Yuuri groaned. "I thought I could leave you in charge."

"You can!" Yuri piped up.

"Yura," Victor stared at the mess. "Will you come out?"

"No,"

"Can I come in?"

"You don't know the password." Yuri disappeared inside the fort. Yuuri glared at his friend, who cringed and crawled out, gathering up the plates.

"Chocolate cake, really?" he hissed.

"He did say please." he mumbled. "And I just wanted him off the chair."

"Yura," Victor coaxed. "I'm ordering pizza."

"With extra cheese and pepperoni?"

"Maybe. But we can't eat it if all the chairs are in here. So can you take the fort down?"

"Phichit will help." Yuuri shoved the Thai man forward. "It won't take you both too long."

"Slave driver," Phichit grumbled.

"Wonderful assistant." Yuuri corrected.


	9. You Break My Legs And Demand I Walk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor finally tells Yura

“You think it's appropriate for me to be part of that conversation?” Yuuri frowned as he set his tablet aside.

“I think he'd tolerate it much better if he had you here.” Victor insisted. Yuuri and Phichit had gone home when the fort was taken down. Victor had barely touched his pizza, instead staring across the table at the halo of blond hair happily scarfing down pizza. 

“Mr. Peaches fixed Velveteen!” he had happily announced as Victor was clearing the plates. And the older man had dutifully admired the repaired toy. He'd owe Phichit for that, he thought. Yuri had only thrown a small fit when it was time to dress for bed.

And now he was on the phone with Yuuri, as though they hadn't spent most of the day together. But there were lots of details they had to hammer out now.

“I just feel like that's a conversation you should have alone.” he sounded uncertain.

“He's going to need support. I'm going to need some support.” Victor confessed.

“What about Uncle Chris?”

“While he is a wonderful human, he's no good at things like this. You're the only one I can think I can rely on for this. Please, Yuuiri, I'm begging you. I'll give you a cash bonus.”

“Victor!” he scolded. “There's no way I would ever take money for doing something like this. I'm insulted that you would even offer! I just want to make sure that we're sticking to healthy, appropriate boundaries.”

“And that's fair.” he sounded pacifying. “I just really, really need you Yuuri. Can you please help me? And we need to talk about what your days with Yura will look like. I need someone here in the morning before I go to work and everything. And I thought I'd buy some memberships to some museums...”

Yuuri arrived early the next morning, blurry eyed behind his glasses and almost shuffling in wearing jogging pants and a baggy, long sleeved shirt. Victor half wondered if these were his pajamas as well.

“Coffee?” he asked brightly.

“God, yes, please.” he almost groaned. Victor poured him a cup, and as he turned, he realized that Yuuri had his head down, resting his forehead on his arms. He chuckled softly and set the cup down. The man pawed around for it, only sitting up when his hand wrapped around the handle.

It was that quiet hour of the morning when the sun was warming the sidewalk, and the whole world was starting to wake up. Doors were opening, and cars were starting. Yuuri did like this time of day, before the air smelled like traffic and before people were so obviously worn out from their lives. This time of day, it was like they were clinging onto a little bit of hope.

“I think I'll get him up now.” Victor finally said. Yuuri nodded and sat up straight, trying to look a little more together.

The little boy was sleeping, his arms wrapped around Velveteen. He reached out and pushed back that messy hair.

“Baby?” he whispered.

“Tired, Vitya.” he mumbled.

“I know, but there's someone waiting for you in the kitchen.”

Yuri lit up at that. He leapt out of bed and raced for the kitchen. Victor chased after. He head meant to at least dress him in day clothes and comb his hair. But those tiny feet were pounding on the floor and stopped short at the doorway.

“Yuuri,”

“Good morning, honey.” he gave a soft smile. 

“I... I thought it was going to be Mommy or Daddy.” he admitted, giving Victor a sad look.

“Well, that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Come sit with me, Yuri,” the brunet opened his arms, and the boy scrambled into his lap, leaning his back against his chest. “Thank you, I was feeling rather lonely this morning.”

“Yuuri and I went to meet with your school yesterday. I owe you an apology, Yura.”

“You do?”

“I left you in the care of adults who didn't do a good job.”

“But that's not your fault!” Yuri protested.

“It is. Because it's my job to take care of you, and so I have to make sure that anyone who is doing it when I can't is going to do a very good job. Your teacher wasn't doing a very good job. And I want you to know that you didn't do anything wrong. You are not bad, or misbehaved. Okay?”

“Okay,” his voice was very small, and Victor was reminded how very young his baby brother was. They had often joked that he was an old soul, this wasn't his first go around on the planet. He wasn't an adult though, Victor told himself. He was just a little boy, thrown into a situation he didn't understand, with people who didn't understand him.

“I also owe you an apology, because there's something I've been keeping from you.”

“Like a secret?” Yuri frowned. “You told me that brothers didn't keep secrets.”

“I did tell you that,” he agreed. “And I still believe that. But I didn't uphold it myself.” those green eyes, already accusing him, already hurt. The brown eyes that were encouraging him. Those slender arms already wrapped around the little boy.

“Why would you keep a secret from me?”

“Because I thought that I was going to protect you. I see now that I was just trying to protect myself.” icy blue stared into green. There was a long silence.  
“Daddy died, Yura.”

“W-what?” his lower lip was quivering. “But when?”

“The day that I got you from your house.” he swallowed hard. One long, loud sob emitted from the boy. Yuuri tightened his arms around him, pressing his cheek to the temple.

“Oh, honey.” he sighed, beginning to rock them back and forth.

“Why didn't you tell me? Daddy's dead? I'll never see him again?”

“Not... not on this Earth.” he shook his head. “I'm so sorry, baby. He loved you so much. You made him so happy.”

Tiny hands came to cover eyes. He was sobbing, his body shaking. Yuuri gripped him as tightly as he was able, continuing to rock them. He didn't bother to hush him. This was not the kind of pain that could be hushed, there was no balm for a wound like this.

“What about Mommy?” the boy demanded, his voice muffled.

“I don't know.” Victor shook his head. Yuri's head shot up, his eyes outraged.

“What do you mean, you don't know?” he demanded. “You're smart, you're an adult. You're supposed to know everything. Where's my Mommy?”

“I really don't know, Yura. She went with Daddy to the hospital, and then she left. No one knows where she's gone.”

“You need to take me home.” his cheeks were stained pink, sticky tear tracks down to his chin. “You have to take me home right now. She's probably there waiting for me. And she's probably scared and lonely.”

“She hasn't been back, baby.” he shook his head slowly. “When I locked up the house, I had cameras set up. I check them every day.”

“How do I know you're not lying?” he pointed a shaking finger. “You lied to me before. Mommy wouldn't just leave me. She loves me.”

Yuuri had once read that the name for God was 'mother' on the lips and in the hearts of all children. How would it feel to know that God had abandoned you? Natalie didn't sound like a good mother, or a particularly good person, but how would this little kid be able to tell the difference? He clutched him as tightly as he could.

“I want Mommy! Vitya, Vitya, I want Mommy.” 

“I know you want Mommy.” he looked heartbroken. “And I'd get her for you if I could.”

Victor walked from the other side of the table. He knelt down, opening his arms. He fully expected his brother to leap into his arms. He wanted a hug. He wanted to feel those tiny arms around his neck. He wanted to feel that little heart beating as he rubbed up and down his back.

“Get away from me.” he screamed instead. “I don't want you. You lied, Vitya. You lied.”

Victor sat back on his heels. A knife to his heart couldn't have hurt more. Yuri squirmed in Yuuri's arms until he was buried in his neck. Yuuri didn't speak, just stayed silent, rocking them, rubbing the back of his head. The little boy's cries resonated through his body, and it was all he could do not to cry himself.

“I think you should go to work. You'll be late.” Yuuri said softly.

“Are you going to be okay?”

“It's going to be fine.” Yuuri nodded. Victor wasn't sure if he was talking to him, or his brother, but he supposed that it didn't matter. He got up and pulled on his coat, grabbing his briefcase. He glanced just once into the kitchen, where his baby brother, the only family he had left, was crying his broken heart into someone else's shoulder.

The only move Yuuri made was to carry the little boy and sit on the couch. He stretched out, letting Yuri ball up on his chest. His fingers were desperately wrapped in the older man's tshirt, and he knew the top would be wrinkled. Who cared? What did it matter?

He continued to rub his back, hoping the touch would remind him that he wasn't alone. It felt like forever until he let out the last shuddery breath and went still on his chest. 

“Why don't we go and wash your face?” he asked softly. “And put on some clothes?”

Yuri just shrugged and let himself be carried to the bathroom. He was too exhausted to even fuss as his pajamas were peeled off and thrown into the hamper. He started the tub, frowning when Yuri didn't even make a peep about it.

The boy was pliant as he was bathed. Yuuri wet a wash cloth with cold water, wiped down his face and draped it over his eyes as he washed his hair. Yuri was silent as they went into his room, dressed   
in sweat pants and a plain t shirt.

“What can I do, honey?”

“Nothing,” Yuri shook his head sadly. He went to his room and crawled into his bed. He drew up the blankets and held Velveteen close.

“Want me to leave you alone?”

“No,” he reached out and grabbed Yuuri's wrist. “Please don't leave me.”

“All right, Yuri, okay.” he slid into the bed, grabbing a treasury of bedtime stories book that was next to the bed. It didn't look like it had ever been read. He opened the book and began to read the tale of Chicken Little.

***

“You told him and you left?” Chris stared at his friend. “Every time I think you're making a step towards being a reasonable person, you take leap into Dumbass Land.”

“He didn't want me!” Victor held his hands up. “I didn't know what to do. I'm just a human, Chris, I make mistakes.”

“And no one knows that better than me.” he sighed and rubbed his temples. “Did you find a child therapist?”

“I have calls out, someone should get back to me by the end of the week. I think he counts as an urgent case.”

“Yeah, he is. So are you.” Chris did look sad. “Did his heart just break?”

“Into a million pieces. It was so thick, you could almost taste it. And Yuuri just sat there, letting him cry. He didn't try and make him be still or anything. Should I text and ask how they are?”

“No, you leave them alone.” Chris shook his head. “You don't get to drop bombs and then ask how they are when Yuuri is picking up the pieces. Whatever you're paying him, it isn't enough.”

“You got that right.” Victor agreed.

He stopped on the way home, buying a candy bar and a bunch of flowers. He knew this wasn't the right way to ask for forgiveness. He knew this wasn't how you really handled things. But he just had to give them some tangible proof that he really was sorry.

The house was silent when he came in. No Yuri in his chair. No chatting at the kitchen table. Just quiet and dark. He crept towards Yura's room. There in the bed that used to be his guest bed, the two of them lay. Yuuri was on his back, glasses askew. Yuri was curled on his chest, face still tear streaked.

He tiptoed in, shook the nanny.

“Was the day that bad?”

“He's devastated, as he has the right to be.” Yuuri untangled the tiny limbs and laid the boy down, pushing hair out of his face again.

He walked to the kitchen, getting his coat and bag. As he turned, a bouquet of flowers was shoved in his face.

“Uh, flowers?”

“An apology. To let you know I am sorry for the way things have gone down.” 

“They're lovely.” he murmured. And they were, pretty daisies that looked fresh and new, a breath of springtime.  
“I'm going to head on home. I got him to eat some lunch, but we hadn't managed dinner or a change into pjs or anything like that.”

“I'll take care of it.” Victor rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess I'll see you in the morning.”

“Sure,” he nodded as he headed out.


	10. You'll Never Be What Is In Your Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri and Yuri have their first whole day together.

"And he had no idea his dad was dead?" Phichit looked horrified.

"Not a damn clue." Yuuri groaned. "And then Victor comes in and he's brought me flowers. Flowers, Peach! What am I supposed to do with this?" he waved the bouquet.

"Well, put it in water, most likely."

"You're not helping." Yuuri growled. "How do you give flowers to another man when you're dating someone else. I really think that Chris should have been part of that conversation. If he's that involved in the kid's life, he should have more to do with his upbringing."

"It sounds like Victor isn't even sure what will involve that little boy's upbringing. God, I can't imagine. Dad died right in front of him and Mom is nowhere to be found. He must feel so abandoned and unloved."

"He does," Yuuri's voice was flat. "I think me and Victor are the only people he feels close to."

"Are you sure you can handle this?" Phichit sounded unsure. "I mean, to put all this emotional work into it? You thought you were just getting him home from school and feeding him snack and keeping him mostly alive. But now you're going to be with him all day long?"

"I don't think it's going to be more work to be emotionally supportive. Just more hours. And I got a pay bump, because I have to do more hours and more work with him during the day. Feed him breakfast and lunch. Take him to the part and whatever." he shrugged.  
"You're right that it's going to be kind of draining, though."

"I guess all you can do is your best. Your heart has to be breaking for him."

"It is," he confessed. "The look on his face when Victor told him... I don't know if he's ever going to feel the same about him. And why would he? It was a terrible lie. I understand why Victor told it, I know he thought he was protecting him. And Victor doesn't know anything about being a father figure, not really. He loves Yuri, I know he does. But he's hurt, too."

"So your heart breaks for both of them."

"Well, when you put it that way." Yuuri rolled over, burying his face in the couch cushion "Peach, what the hell do I do with a little kid all day?"

"I don't know. Parks, museums, cleaning his room, playing? Are you meant to be doing preschool work?"

"No, Victor said not to worry about it." his voice was muffled. "I guess I'll just have to show up tomorrow and see how it's going."

It was, in short, a disaster. Yuuri arrived, having been told that Victor would try and get Yuri out of bed and seated at the breakfast table, so he'd be distracted by eating during the transition. But when the brunet walked in, all he could hear was high pitched shrieking and a lower voice sounding desperate and placating. He sighed, closed his eyes, and hung up his things.

He padded towards the bedroom. The door was wide open, and it was quite a sight to see. Children's books thrown around the room. Blankets ripped off the bed. Clothing pulled from the dresser and left hanging out, or in puddles on the floor, Yuri standing in a corner, shaking, stripped down to his pull up. Victor towards the door, his hands up in a surrendering gesture.

"Just what is going on in here?" Yuuri asked.

"Yura does not want to get dressed this morning. Yura would also like me to leave his room immediately and not show my face to him ever again." Victor said tightly.

"Yuri," Yuuri sighed. "We don't throw things, and we don't make a giant mess. Please put the books away. I will make the bed, and we can put away the clothes together."

The little boy sniffled a few times, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand. Victor slithered out of the room, feeling thoroughly inadequate. How was he not even able to get a four year old ready to go for the day? But at least the screaming had stopped, and he wasn't going to be late for work That was something.

"I know you're mad right now, Yuri." Yuuri was whipping the sheets the rest of the way off the bed and putting them back on, neatly. "And you have the right to be mad. But this isn't what we do with our mad feelings."

"I hate him." the child sounded positively venomous.

"Right now, you probably do." Yuuri shrugged. "And I understand why. You have a lot of things to be mad and sad and scared and confused about, buddy. This isn't the right way we express them."

"I don't understand what that means."

"What?" he plumped the pillow and set it on the bed.

"Actpress. Like Thomas the Tank Engine runs impress?" he blinked. Yuuri choked back his laugh. Sometimes he forgot that the was talking to a four year old.

"No, not this time. This time express means to show or talk about. So we don't show our anger or feelings this way. We must never, ever use our feelings to hurt someone else. Do you understand?" the little boy thought for a moment and nodded slowly. He was picking up the books and putting them back on his shelf.

"I thought when I woke up, all the mad inside of me would be gone. But it isn't." he frowned. "I don't like that, Yuuri."

"I know, buddy. And Vitya told me that he's going to find someone who can help you with your mad." he gave him a big smile. "Isn't that nice? Someone just to help you out?"

"But if I have someone helping me with that, does that mean I don't get to see you anymore?"

"What? No! No, of course not. This will be someone you meet to play with once a week. I'll be with you the rest of the time. Now," he put his hands against his lap. "What do you want to wear today."

Yuri chose a pair of jeans and a t shirt with Meowth on it. Cute enough, Yuuri reasoned. He put on his own underwear, washed his face and brushed his teeth, and sat down to frozen waffles cooked in the toaster. He even ate a few bites before declaring himself full, which Yuuri was willing to count as a win. He pulled a chair up to the sink and showed Yuri how to scrape and rinse dishes if that was needed.

With that completed he surveyed the little boy.

"We have an errand to run." he announced.

"An errand?" he repeated. "The kind where I have to stay home and sit in the chair and not move?"

"I--what? No." he blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Mommy runs errands sometimes. And I have to sit in the wooden chair and not move, and then she'll be right back."

"Where was Daddy when she ran errands?" he asked mildly, getting Yuri's coat down from the peg. He helped the boy into the jacket.

"He was out like, grocery shopping or sometimes visiting a friend or working a little bit. I know he was tired from work, but he still went sometimes."

"Tired? Do you mean retired?"

"Yeah! That! But he said he still liked to go."

Yuuri just made a noncommital sound. He thought back to Yuri sitting in the little chair with Velveteen, refusing to move. Of course he'd sit there, he thought, he had been trained to stay there. How horrible for such a bright little boy. What a dreadful thing for any adult to do to a little kid that they were in charge of. He just stroked his hair.

"What errands is we going on?"

"We are," he stressed that slightly. "Going to go to the store. And we will choose out our lunch, and if you're very good, I like to buy you a few surprises."

"I'll be good!" he was almost bouncing on his toys.

"Well, being good means holding the shopping basket, staying with me, and not arguing with I say no." he frowned in an exaggerated fashion. "It's a big job, Yuri, can you handle it?"

"I promise! I promise I'll be very very good."

"All right then,"

It was nice to walk. The city was starting to bustle, but the traffic wasn't so bad that it was too hard to cross the street. The grocery store wasn't more than a few blocks down, so it was nice not to have to deal with the bus. He grabbed the basket and handed it to Yuri, who carried it with both hands, his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth.

Yuuri chose a fresh green apple and a premade chicken salad sandwich. Yuri got a can of Spaghetti-Os and a packet of peanut butter crackers. He was patient, kept his voice down, and followed behind Yuuri. But the older man could tell he was anxious about his treat.

He walked him to the cosmetics aisle and stopped at the bath products. He dropped bath bombs and bubble bath into the basket, tossed in a packet of bath crayons. They had rubber ducks, so he took the basket.

"Pick out three duck friends." he directed.

"Really?" Yuri asked softly. He thought about his choices, selecting one that looked like a firefighter, one that looked like a princess, and one that was a regular style ducky. He placed them gingerly in the basket. Yuuri held out his hand to walk him to the check out register. The boy, to his credit managed to remain calm in the store.  
"They're really mine?" he asked as they walked out.

"Unless you want to share with me?" he teased. "But I like boats in my tub more. We can try them out tonight, if you'd like."

"I would like!"

They arrived home in time for lunch, and Yuuri set about putting the Spaghetti-Os in the microwave. The little boy stopped him.

"What are you doing?" he frowned.

"Warming them up?"

"No, you eat them straight from the can. Mommy would leave it open for me with a spoon, and then I didn't even have to get a bowl down." Yuuri stared. He really, really hoped Victor would find that therapist, and soon, or else he was going to need one.

"Well, I bet you'll like them even more if they've been warmed up! he dumped them in a bowl, facing the microwave so the kid didn't see the anger on his face. No wonder Yuri was confused about things.

"Yuuri?"

"Yeah, bud?"

"Do you think Victor wanted to be mean?"

"No," he came to the table with the bowl, helped adjust the chair for him. "I really, really think Victor thought he was going to keep you from being sad."

"I'm still mad at him." he pouted.

"And it's okay to be mad at him. We all get mad at the people we love, sometimes." he ruffled his hair and ate his sandwich. By the time lunch was over, the kid was rubbing his eyes, and even though he seemed old on the scale of 'needing a nap', it had been a long morning and a difficult day yesterday.  
"Come on, let's go and lay in bed and look at a book. I'll ready you more from the story treasury?" he coaxed.

Yuri scowled but followed him into his room, wriggling out of his shoes and stretching out. He snuggled Velveteen, and before halfway into the story of King Midas, his eyes were drooping shut. He was fully asleep by the end, and Yuuri climbed off the bed to leave him to nap. He pulled out his sketchbook and began to draw, trying to capture the light that had been in the boy's eyes when he was picking out his rubber duckies.

He turned the page and began a drawing of Victor from this morning. The way his hands had been up. The look of fear and dismay. The helplessness. He even got out some colored pencils and worked on his eyes. It was hard to catch the perfect blue that they were. That blue made him think of those deceptively bright winter days, when you stepped out and felt the air chilling you immediately.

He woke Yuri after an hour, afraid it would push bedtime. The boy was sleepy for a bit, but calm and sweet, opting to sit in Yuuri's lap and watch and television show with blurry eyes as he woke up. He then wandered over to his Lego, saying he didn't want to play with Yuuri right now. The brunet shrugged and found one of the jukebox channels and let the music play. He kept one eye on his drawing and the other on the little boy, building what looked like it might be a castle or a bison, depending on how you turned your head.

Dinner that night was hot dogs and macaroni and cheese, which the little boy happily ate. He didn't want a bun for his hot dog, but did ask for ketchup to dip it into. He even ate two whole bites of broccoli. Another win for the day. Yuuri wondered if he could add 'Nanny extraordinaire' to his resume.

"Let's play with our duckies, shall we?" he gathered the shopping bag and headed to the bathroom. Yuri bounded beside him and stared in wonder as Yuuri poured in a healthy dose of bubble bath. He gasped in delight with the nanny picked up a small handful of foam and blue it at him, bursting into giggles. He let himself be stripped down and stepped into the bubble tub.

"Oh! They tickle on my skin!" he squealed. Yuuri knelt next to the tub, smiling. He looked like a little boy again, he thought. He took a handful of the bubbles and carefully sculpted a beard for the boy.  
"I'm Father Christmas!"

The set to work making a bubble mohawk, and smiled wide when Yuuri took a picture for Phichit. The ducks floated happily along, letting him make up voices for them as he made them dive under the mountains of bubbles and pop back up with a giggle. It was such a pleasant scene, the bathroom warm and steamy and smelling like the Mr. Bubble. Yuuri resting his arms on the rim of the tub and his chin on his arms, and Yuri giggling. Victor paused in the doorway just to watch for a moment.

"This looks like fun." he finally spoke up. The brunet jumped and blushed, adjusting his glasses.

"He needed bubble bath. And rubber ducks..."

"Of course he did." Victor nodded. His little brother looked at him for a moment and went back to the ducks, moving them around quietly. "And now we're going to get out and get dried off and into our pajamas for bed. So tell Yuuri good night, Yura, and he'll be back tomorrow."

"Bye Yuuri! Thank you for my bubbles and ducky friends."

"Be good," he patted his head and left, brushing by Victor as he went. Victor listened to him closing the door. He looked back at his baby brother's bubble beard and mohawk and laughed.

"You're having fun, aren't you, baby?"

"Mmmhmm," he said mildly. "But I'm ready to get out. My fingers are wrinkly." he hand out his hands. Victor caught those fingers and kissed them. He gathered a towel and ran wiped the bubbles off him before draining the water and wrapping him up.  
"Yuuri said that it's okay for me to be mad. He said it's how I esp--expresso my mad that matters."

"Yuuri is very, very wise." Victor rubbed the blonde hair dry while biting the inside of his cheek.

"Vitya?"

"Yes, love?" he was rummaging through, pulling out a pair of pajamas.

"Do you still love me, even though I was mad this morning, and I'm still mad now?"

"Yes," he stopped with the dresser and turned to look at him. "I will always love you, Yura. I know this isn't exactly how either one of us thought that things were going to go. And I know we're both sad and hurt right now. But that has no bearing on how much I love you." he dressed the blond quickly as he was thinking, tucked him up into bed.

"Yuuri said you were going to find someone special who could help me expresso my mad better."

"I am." he pulled the blankets up. "And they'll help both of us. Okay? Can we work on your mad until I get you to them and they can help us better?"

"It's not just my mad." he fussed with Velveteen. "It's my sad... Vitya, why would Mommy leave me?"

"I... I don't know." he stroked his brother's cheek. "I'm sorry, sweetness."

"I don't hate you." he said it so quietly, Victor had to strain. "I know I said that, but I really, really don't hate you."

"I know." he kissed his forehead. "Sometimes you just have to expresso your feelings and it comes out wrong. I understand."


	11. But There's A Wildness In Our Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Therapy time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will quit with the 'expresso' after this.

“So we all need to expresso our feelings better?” Chris blew across the top of his coffee. “Victor, that is the single most precious thing I think I've heard in a week and a half.”

“I nearly died.” Victor pressed his hand to his chest. “I mean, I fully walked in expecting to go to war. He was so angry with me yesterday morning.”

“What changed?” Chris tilted his head to the side, enthralled as always with stories of the little blond boy. He had fallen in love with him when they met. Something about the light on his hair, the suspicious look he had in those angelic eyes. Chris may or may not have also enjoyed the way that Yura kept Victor on his toes.

“Yuuri bought him bubble bath and rubber ducks. He hadn't had any before.”

“Victor Nikiforov! Are you meaning to tell me that sweet angel baby didn't even have any bubbles for his bath?” Chris nearly dropped his cup.

“It... slipped my mind?”

“Next you're going to tell me he still has to use your boring guest room duvet and doesn't even have a proper nightlight.” there was a sheepish silence.  
“Victor!”

“Well, I am sorry. But I've been so caught up in getting him into school, and finding someone to pick him up... and then the whole school thing was falling apart. And half the time I couldn't even get him to sit down to eat dinner, Chris.” he rubbed his eyes. “And the bedwetting and the not sleeping. I was just trying to get us through the end of the day.”

“And that's understandable. And that's why you need some therapy, too. Victor, your whole world got turned upside down in one day. Your last living parent died, your stepmother peaced out. You still don't know where the hell she is. And you became a parent overnight.”

“I know,” he drank his coffee. “I don't know what we'd be doing without Yuuri.”

“Yet another reason for therapy.” he shook his finger. “He can't keep you all afloat forever. You know that.”

“I know. We have an appointment for tomorrow morning.”

“Oh?”

“I found a family therapist who can see both of us. I think she specializes in grief.” 

“That's a start.” Chris put his mug in the sink. “Well, come on. Those accounts need seeing to. The life of a worker bee.” he sang.

They both knew they were well above the worker bee status, but it didn't matter. Their slipped into their shared office and got back to work.

Returning home, he was happy to see the nanny and charge sitting in the living room. Their heads were pressed together over a story book, one of the few that had been in Yuri's room to bring. He watched them for a moment, remembering when he had packed up Yuri's room.

It was one smell bed, a handful of stuffies. One sack of Lego, which Victor knew their dad had bought. The clothes in the dresser were too small. He frowned and had run out to the store and bought anything he could find in the kid's size.

And moving him into the guest room had been easy. But he had to admit that Chris had a bought. It still didn't seem like Yuri's room. It seemed like Victor's guest room that he was letting his baby brother sleep in for the time being.

“What are we reading?” he asked softly.

“The three little pigs,” Yuri didn't look up from the pages. “And they're at the house of sticks, so can we finish the story? Please?”

“Of course. Far be it from me to get in the way of the enjoyment of literature.” he bustled around the kitchen, emptying the dishwasher as he listened to the story. Yuuri would adopt a high, squeaky voice for the pigs. He had a low growl for the wolf.

When the wolf didn't get into the house, and the pigs were safe in the brick, Yuuri clothes the book. Yuri had been curled into his side, with the older man's arm around his shoulder, drawing him in tightly. The little boy stayed against him as the book was closed.

“I think Victor wanted to put you to bed.” he murmured. 

“I'm not tired.” he frowned.

“Well, maybe if you lay down and get all comfy under your blankets, you'll get tired? Your teeth are brushed, your face is washed. All you have left to do is close your eyes and dream.”

“I don't want to dream.”

“Why not, love?” Victor came in with a frown, pushing his sleeves up.

“Because of the monster.”

“Monster?” Yuuri repeated. “What kind?”

“I don't want to talk about it.” Yuri slipped off the couch. “Can I have a kiss goodnight?” he asked shyly. 

“Of course you can.” Yuuri was melting. He wrapped his arms around the tiny child, kissed his cheek. He let the kid cling to him for just a moment before giving him a fond pat on the thigh and pushing   
him towards his guardian.

“Come on, Yura. Let's get to bed. Yuuri has to go home.”

“But why couldn't he stay here?”

“Because Peaches gets lonely if I don't come.”

“Oh! Well I don't want Mr. Peaches to be lonely. Good night! Tell him I said hi.”

Yuuri gathered his coat and bag, listening to Victor telling his brother good light, switching on the night light and closing the door most of the way. 

“Ah, good. I wanted to talk to you for a moment.” Victor was smiling. “What are you doing tomorrow morning?”

“Uh...” he paused. “I'm working. Aren't I?”

“Well, yes. Sure. But we have an appointment, and I thought that it would be nice if you came alone.” he cleared his throat.

“Oh... that appointment.”

“That appointment,” Victor agreed.

“What time are we leaving?”

“Eight. We have an eight thirty. We're her first of the day.” he gave that heart shaped smile that always made Yuuri's mouth go dry. He gripped the strap of his bag and just nodded.

“Well, I'll make sure I'm here.”

The next morning, he arrived bright and early. The lights in the kitchen weren't even on. Yuuri hung his bag and coat, creeping in. He switched on the coffee maker, pleased to see that it was ready to go. He sat down, rubbing his eyes.

“Yuuri!” his jumped a mile out of his chair, spinning. There stood Victor, platinum hair mussed around his face. He wore striped pajama bottoms, and nothing else. His skin was smooth and pale. Yuuri wanted to touch his pecs. His nipples, candy pink, were hardening in the cool morning air. 

“You nearly gave me a heart attack!” he hissed, blushing. Hopefully that blush could be written up to being surprised, and not the fact that he was looking at Victor's bare feet and wondering how they would feel pressed against his calves in the middle of the night.

“Well, I could say the same.” he smirked. “I didn't mean to startle you, I apologize. Oh good, you started the coffee.” he shuffled in, grabbing two cups and setting them down, grabbing the creamer and   
sugar as he did so.

“You don't want to go put on clothes?”

“Hm?” Victor glanced at himself. “Why? Am I making you uncomfortable?”

“No! No, it's fine.” he set to work doctoring up his coffee. 

“We'll get Yura up in a few minutes. Do you think you can pour him some cereal for me? Or would you rather wake him up?”

“I'll get him up.” he gulped down the still scalding coffee, ignoring the heat of it on his tongue and in his throat. He scampered into Yuri's room. 

“Yuri?” he whispered, his hand smoothing back the blond hair. “Yuri, it's time to wake up, buddy.”

“Five minutes,” he mumbled.

“No, we have somewhere to go this morning.” Yuuri smiled. “So we can get up and you can choose your outfit for the day, and we'll brush your hair and teeth.”

Yuri grumbled, but climbed out of bed. He looked like he was sleepwalking as he went to his dresser and pulled out jeans and a sweater and clean underpants. He was quickly wiped up, brushed and combed, face clean, and into fresh clothes. 

“See, not so bad.” Yuuri hummed.

“Terrible,” Yura insisted with a pout on his face. He dragged into the kitchen, Velveteen at his side, and sulkily accepted the bowl of corn flakes, which he picked at. He did at least drink his juice and take a few bites of toast.

“Well, that's done then.” Victor pushed back from the table. “Get your coat and bag, baby.”

“I thought you said I didn't have to go to school anymore.” glared.

“We're not going to school, darling.”

That was exciting enough to get the kid moving. He put his feet into the right shoes, did up the velcro nicely. He put on his jacket and grabbed his bag. Yuuri had taken all the school papers out and dumped them with a slightly larger amount of satisfaction than was probably appropriate. Instead he put in a sketchbook and a packet of crayons, a yo-yo, and some wet wipes.

Yuri let Yuuri buckle him into his carseat, still clutching Velveteen to him. Yuuri waffled between sitting in the back and up front. Victor looked at his strangely as he closed the door for Yuri, on the passenger side.

Victor opened the passenger side door up front. Yuuri knew he was blushing as he sat down. The car was gorgeous. Nice leather interior. Sleek and expensive looking exterior. It even smelled fancy, Yuuri thought. He figured cars that toted kids around would be coated in a thin layer of crumbs and smell like old McDonald's napkins.

“Where are we going?” Yuri demanded.

“Remember how Yuuri told you that you'd need someone to help your with your feelings?”

“Expresso them, yeah, I remember.” he nodded his pretty blond hair. 

“Well, we're on our way there. And I've heard she is very kind, so I'm sure that you'll like her very much.”

“W-will you be going with me?” he asked quietly.

“For this first time, I'll be in there with you. In case you need an adult to help you get started. That's my job, to be your adult.”

The office was tucked into an old Victorian home. They were seated in the lobby, with the nice cranberry carpeting and the white noise machines set outside each door. They sat on the squashy armchairs, with Yuri drawing his knees into himself.

“This makes me think of a doctor's office.” he looked accusingly at his big brother.

“It is, in a way.” he hedged.

“I don't like the doctor.”

“Why?” Yuuri asked, curious.

“Because they give shots and pinch and prod and poke my back and then tell Daddy I'm too skinny.”

“Oh, I see,” he nodded gravely. “That does sound like it isn't any fun. But sometimes things that aren't fun are the most important things to do.”

“That doesn't mean that I have to enjoy them.” Yuri pouted.

“No, I suppose you're right in that. There are some things that we won't ever enjoy, no matter what we're doing. Because they're important to do.”

“Maybe,” he sounded doubtful, fiddling with Velveteen's tail.

One of the heavy, dark doors opened, and an older woman stepped out. She had salt and pepper hair pulled back into a loose bun, and wore a nice pantsuit. She looked at Yuri and smiled. 

“Why, you must be Yuri! Your brother told me about you. I'm so excited to meet you.”

“Are you the expresso lady?”

“I beg your pardon?” her warm smile froze for a second.

“Ah, it's a long story. I can explain.” Victor rose up. Yuuri wriggled his fingers as the little boy and settled in to try and read a book. The therapist looked between Yuuri and Victor.  
“Your partner is more than welcome to come as well. Healing is a family process.”

“We are not partners!” they both said, with Yuuri's voice slightly shrill. 

“That's my assistant.” Yuri piped up.

“Your assistant.” she repeated, raising an eyebrow.

“Yup. His name is Yuuri.”

“Okay! Great! Well, we'll see Yuuri when we're all done.” she looked confused but intrigued. Yuuri had the feeling it was going to be a rather interesting session for her.


	12. You Lift My Spirits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following therapy, Yuuri and Yuri have a day at the park.

Yuri was quiet after the therapy session. Yuuri had asked a few questions, trying to tease out a few things. He'd gotten shrugs and headshakes in response. He and Victor shared a glance across the front seat.

"Do you want to go to the park? Victor, could you drop us off at the park down the street from the apartment? It's a nice day, we'll play before lunch." he tried to sound upbeat.

"That sounds like a great idea." Victor enthused. He looked at his little brother in the rearview. "Yura, did you not like Dr. Jean?"

"I don't know," his fingers fiddled with Velveteen's eyes. "She seemed okay."

"She was talking about a lot of big, scary things, wasn't she?"

"Yeah," he shrugged.

"But it's important so that we can make sure--." Victor began. Yuuri caught his eye and gave a subtle shake of his head.

"What do you want to play the playground? he asked instead. Yuri looked thoughtful.

"The swings. The girls at school always had the swings at recess, and I never got to."

"Well, not today!" Yuuri grinned. "It's early enough that it shouldn't be too crowded. I bet we have a great shot at the swings." Victor pulled up the park, watched as the nanny unstrapped his baby brother and helped him out of the car.

"I'll see you at home after work." he swallowed. He wasn't sure what to say. He felt jealous that Yuuri was able to get these responses out of the kid, who was currently tugging on his hand to go play. But there was something in the way that he spoke, the way that he moved. The way he pushed his glasses up on his nose.

He was captivating.

"Sure, we'll be there, dinner and everything." Yuuri waved and turned to the little boy. "All right, Mr. Impatient. Let's go and swing, like I promised. Remember, though, when I tell you it's time to leave, we have to leave. Otherwise we won't be able to come again."

It was a nice day for the park. The air was still just crisp enough to keep them from overheating in their coats. It was bright and clear. He gave Yuri some pushes on the swings, listened to him laugh. It was good to see him brighten up after therapy. Maybe they should always come after sessions, he mused, to give the boy some time to decompress and unwind from it.

He eventually hopped off the swing and began to scale the play structure. He disappeared into the shadowy place. Yuuri grabbed his ever present pad and began to draw. The wooden play structure, beginning to splinter with age, began a castle, with crumbling bricks. His hand was flying, gliding along the baby.

"Yuuri! Look!"Yura poked his head out one of the windows. "Hi!"

"Hello!" he laughed and waved. He added a little fairy to the windows, with pointy ears and delicate features that skewed more masculine than feminine. He smiled to himself. This was something he could work on.

It was a nice hour and a half, but by then, Yuuri's stomach was starting to grumble, so he knew his charge had to be hungry. He stood up and glanced around, seeing the kid at the top of the twisted tube slide. He gestured, and the boy came down, nearly tumbling off the bottom from his speed. He giggled and bounced towards his nanny. He held his arms out, and the brunet caught him, lifting him up against his chest.

"I think it's time for some lunch, don't you?"

"Sure," he gave a squeeze and scrambled down, carefully taking Velveteen and Yuuri's hand as they walked the short distance home. "Yuuri?"

"Yeah, bud?"

"Do you believe in monsters?"

"Like on Sesame Street?" he asked brightly.

"What?"

"What?" he looked at him. "Sesame Street? Elmo? Big Bird?"

"I don't know that." he shook his head. Yuuri could have choked. He was four years old, nearly five. He was almost what could be considered too old for the show. Although, he mused thoughtfully, it did more than just ABCs and 123s. It was about being kind to others. Maybe he should put some Sesame Street into their lives.  
"I don't know about those monsters. I mean like, really scary monsters."

"Really scary monsters." he repeated. "Do you believe in them?" he asked gently.

"Never mind." he shook his head quickly. There was something here the kid was trying to say, but he obviously wasn't quite ready. Yuuri would wait. Maybe he should prod, but giving him space was working so far. The boy climbed into a chair at the kitchen table and watched as Yuuri made grilled cheese and warmed up tomato soup. He ate some of it, giggling as Yuuri showed him how to dip the cheese and bread into the soup.

"What foods did Mommy and Daddy make for you that you liked?"

"Hmm, one time Mommy made cupcakes. Sort of like when we made the chocolate cake. He didn't let me lick the bowl, but she let me sit on the counter and stir a little. And when they were done we put white frosting and sprinkles on them. It was for Daddy's birthday, she said."

"Wow! That sounds amazing. Were they good?"

"I never had any." he shook his head. "Daddy was at work and he came home so late, and then Mommy was mad. And the next morning they were all in the trash. Vitya saw, and he looked sad, but he brought be a slice of cheese cake."

"That was nice of him." Yuuri was clearing the table.

"It was." he was quiet for a moment. "Vitya was always nice to me. But I still... I still want Mommy and Daddy. Do you think that would make Vitya sad?"

"No, honey." he said softly. "Well, yes. I think it would make him sad that you felt sad. Vitya loves you and doesn't want you to be sad. But he wouldn't be sad that you still miss your Mom and Dad. He misses Dad too, I bet." he shook his hands off in the sink, then reached for the dish towel. "Have you ever asked him?"

"No. Usually when I talk about Daddy he talks about something else." he squirmed down from the chair, trotted to the living room. Yuuri drifted out afterwards and switched on the television. He silently thanked the technology gods for the blessing of streaming and found Sesame Street episodes.

"I think you'll like this."

Yuri was immediately enthralled. He sat on the floor, Velveteen on his lap. His eyes were big and bright as Elmo came on the screen with Abby Cadabby and they began to discuss the problem of the day. It gave Yuuri time to put the dishes in the dishwasher, wipe off the table, and put the clothes in the dryer like Victor had asked. He lounged onto the couch the rest of the time with his phone, one eye on the boy watching the show. He'd ended up stretched out on his belly. He even giggled when the Count came on and began to count.

"That was really cool." Yuri said as soon as the credits rolled. Yuuri instantly wished his life was simple enough that he could think Sesame Street was really cool.

"Good!" he sat up and stretched. "Maybe we can watch daily after lunch? But for now, I think there are some Lego and I want to build."

The bag was dragged out, and they sat down. Yuri began to try and replicate Sesame Street. Yuuri worked on the castle he had drawn earlier. He wanted to continue on that sketch, but he needed to try and consider more about the castle.

"I like Zoe's tutu." Yuri said suddenly. Yuuri was getting used to the way kids spoke, seemingly out of the blue.

"Because it's pink?"

"Because it's pretty and it means she can dance."

"Do you like dancing?" he asked, curious. Yuri just kept putting the Lego away, clearly done for now. Well, best not to push it. Dinner was prepared shortly, and eaten. The boy was dressed for bed and tucked in, another story read from the book. This time, The Three Billy Goats Gruff. By the time the last had trip-trapped across the bridge, the boy was sound asleep. He didn't even stir when a kiss was placed to his forehead.

"How was he today?" Victor asked as soon as he stepped in.

"Fine," Yuuri smiled. The smile fell when he realized Chris was behind him. But he pasted it back on when the gorgeous man stepped in and flashed him a smile. It was enough to make him weak in the knees. He couldn't blame Victor for having such a gorgeous boyfriend and bringing him around. If he was dating someone like that, he'd want to be plastered to him, too.

"Great, I was worried."

"There's plenty of dinner in the oven." he stuffed his arms into his jacket. "He uh, made a comment about cupcakes and..."

"Oh, your Dad's last birthday." Chris hummed sadly. "Wasn't that when Natalie pitched the whole lot and he didn't get a bite?"

"Yeah," Victor's shoulder sank. "That was rough. I meant to take Dad out to dinner that night, but when I got there Natalie was flying around the house in a fury, and Dad was trying to pacify her. I ended up taking Yura to a diner and buying him some cheesecake."

"That's so sad." Yuuri said bluntly. "But I was going to ask if it was okay if we made cupcakes." the couple looked at him for a moment.

"Of course!" Chris beamed. "We love cupcakes. Make a bunch."

"Ah great," he murmured, waving goodbye.

"I suspect you just want to use my nanny's labor and my brother's labor to satisfy your own sweet tooth." Victor glared when the door closed. Chris laughed and poured himself a glass of wine, taking the two plates out of the oven and setting them on the table.

"Well, if he's willing and it makes Yura happy, I don't see why we shouldn't enjoy it."

"Maybe you can enjoy it when you help me pay his fee!"

Back at home, Yuuri pulled his sketchbook out again, along with a set of colored pencils. He turned to a new page and began a more intense drawing of the crumbling castle. Playing with the Lego really had given him a better idea of some of the shapes. Phichit tapped away at his laptop, glancing over at his friend now and then.

"How are things going over there? Wasn't therapy today?"

"Yeah, he told the poor therapist I was his assistant. So I'm sure she jotted that down to chat about." he snorted. "Peach, that boy had never even watched Sesame Street. I would this his Mom had just kept him screen free or whatever, but based on the other things that he's told me, I don't think that's the case."

"He didn't even know about Cookie Monster?" Phichit looked properly horrified.

"I'm sure he'll relate better to Oscar the Grouch instead." Yuuri laughed. "But no." he was quiet for a moment. "He did say something about the tutu one of them wears. And he made a comment about monsters I can't sort out."

"Well, you're not a child development specialist." Phichit pointed out. "Two summers doing Junior Camp at the university doesn't count."

"I liked it. We made pinch pots and did water colors."

"Yeah, but that was what? Three hours three times a week? That's very different from nannying."

"I'm not a nanny." he reminded him. "I'm his assistant."

"Well, a cat can have kittens in the oven, but that doesn't make 'em biscuits." Yuuri choked on air and nearly collapsed as he was laughing.

"Where in the world did you hear that?" he gasped between bursts of laughter.

"I don't know. Television. I also like the phrase that sticking feathers up your ass doesn't make you a chicken." he giggled as Yuuri started laughing again, wiping at his eyes behind his glasses.

"Well, anyways." he snorted. "If it makes Yuri feel better to have me as his assistant, I don't see the harm. He needs someone to help him, and I'm happy to do so. I'll have you know I already read a bunch of Baby-Sitters Club books." he pointed.

"Why would you do that?"

"Because I'm totally a Claudia." he mock flipped his hair. "Besides, it was a long summer in eighth grade and I'd read everything else the library had to offer." he shrugged. "I think you're probably a Dawn."

"I have no idea what that means." he shook his head. "Either way... I just want you to be careful. You don't think you're too far in over your head."

Yuuri brushed off the concern. They bid each other goodnight, and he curled into his bed. He took out the other sketchbook, the one he tucked into his bedside drawer and didn't share with anyone else. He flipped it to a new page and turned on the lamp over his bed. Sitting comfortable amongst his pillows, he began to draw.

He focused on Victor's chest first, the rise and fall of his muscles. The straight line of his hips. The way that his shoulders were so broad and strong. The tired look in his eyes. The way that his eyes fell in Yuuri. The length of his fingers. The raw power that he seemed to have, clad only in pajama bottoms and bed head. He was gorgeous even then, Yuuri sighed. He was basically a god. And what chance did a little peasant like Yuuri have. He focused on capturing the way Victor looked standing there in the quiet of the morning.

No one could stop him from his fantasy, and no one needed to know about this sketchbook.


	13. It Feels Like Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is a bad morning.

It had been a good few weeks, Yuuri thought to himself as he climbed on the bus to take him to the apartment. Yuri had been going to therapy, and while he wasn't exactly falling all over himself to talk about his Mom or the fact that his Dad was dead, he wasn't so quiet. He wasn't so withdrawn. His favorite day of the week, he said now, was the day they went to therapy. Yuuri would sit in the waiting room, and then Victor would drop them off at the park. He'd play while Yuuri drew.

He'd expanded on the castle drawing. He'd trail after the kid, watching the way he played. Yuri on the swings, his hair flying around him, turned into the fairy boy soaring through the air with gossamer wings. Yuri trying to climb the monkey bars became the fairy boy clambering up a tree, the same fierce look of determination on their faces. Yuri creeping closer to a mud puddle became the fairy boy on his knees, peering into a clear forest pool.

It wasn't a therapy day today, but if things were going well, they might try to make cupcakes, Yuuri mused. Phichit had brought home a kit he'd seen at the setore, with kid sized utensils. He'd brought a box of Funfetti mix, a few cans of white frosting, and some food dye.

"You want me to get really messy, don't you?" Yuuri drawled.

"I want Yuri to enjoy making cupcakes!" he looked as beatific as a saint. Then the pious look dropped and he smirked. "And if you come home with blue fingers or purple frosting in your hair, well, that's just a benefit for me, isn't it? Just don't let him eat the cupcakes until just before you go home. That way Victor has to deal with the hyper goblin."

"Dammit, Phichit." Yuuri groaned. "I want Victor to like me and want me to stay as the nanny. Not fire me because I turned his house into a freaking Dr. Seuss scene."

"Well get to it, Sam I am!" he cracked up. "And make sure to bring me home some green eggs and ham."

But when Yuuri opened the door, he cringed. There was that shrieking from Yuri's bedroom. He scrambled to hang his bag and coat and hurry in.

"I don't have time for this!" Victor was shouting. "You can't do what I ask you to do? You can't make my life one inch easier?"

"I hate them!" Yuri was screaming. "And you can't make me!"

"Yes I can!" he shouted back. "I'm the grown up here."

"You are not," a stamp of the tiny foot. "You're my brother, not Daddy. Stop trying to be Daddy."

"I am the only thing that you have right now, and you had better start understanding that. Do you not want to be here? Is that it? Fine! I don't want you here anyway." his eyes were icy, cold. Victor's cheeks were red. Yuri's were red rimmed, and his little chest was heaving up and down.  
"I'll send you to some stranger. Is that what you want? I'll be happy to do it."

"I want my Daddy!" Yuri screamed, an ear splitting crescendo.

"You aren't the only one." Victor spat back. "My Dad died, too."

"Stop," Yuuri hissed in a low voice. They both spun to look at him. Yuri was standing in wrinkled pajamas, and Yuuri realized there was an acrid scent in the air and the pajamas were stained across the legs. He raced across the room and threw his arms around Yuuri's waist, burying his face in his waist. He immediately felt the tears oozing towards his skin.  
"Victor, what has got into you?" he scolded. "That's no way to talk to him."

"I... I..." Victor instantly felt hot shame rolling down his spine. He stared for a moment at the dark haired man glaring at him, his hands wrapped around his baby brother's shoulders. His brother was crying, and he had made him cry. This was all Victor's fault. He seemed to deflate, visibly. The outrage seeped out of him, replaced by fatigue and distress.  
"I did not mean for this."

"Go wait for me in the kitchen." Yuuri spat. He knelt down and was thumbing away tears. "Honey, honey, what happened?" he cooed, in a much different voice that he had been speaking to Victor in.

"I had an accident." he confessed, the tips of his ears going red. "And Victor woke up and he got really mad about it."

"He got mad because you had an accident?"

"W-w-well," his breath hitched. "I was--I wasn't wearing my--I didn't mean--it was--I..." he dissolved into tears, burying his face in his sticky little hands.

"Hey, hey, hey." Yuuri gently grabbed his wrists and put them down at his sides. "I'm not angry with you. I just want to know what happened. I want to help you solve the problem, but I can't if you don't   
tell me the whole truth. So take a deep breath and let's try again."

"I wasn't wearing my pull up," he admitted. Yuuri sat back on his heels.

"Did I forget to give you one last night?"

"No," he shook his head sadly.

"So then why wouldn't you wear one?"

"Because I took it off." his tiny little voice. Yuuri tilted his head to the side.

"Yuri," he prompted.

"Because I'm not a baby and it's a diaper, and only babies wear diapers. I'm a big boy."

"Yuri," he sighed, scrubbing his hand down his face. Of course Victor had been frustrated. He'd been briefed about the bed wetting problem. And Yuri did have several good mornings in a row now, with only occasional problems. And if his pull up was wet in the morning, no one said anything about it, they just wiped him up and went about the day.  
"No one thinks you're a baby."

"Victor does."

"No, he doesn't."

"He does!" his voice was bordering on hysteria again. "He does and he doesn't believe me about the monsters and you don't believe and no one is going to help me!" his chest was shuddering. Yuuri just stared at him for a moment.

"We will talk about it." he murmured wrapping the boy in a hug again. "But I need you to settle down for a me. You're going to make yourself sick, and then how can we have fun?" he nuzzled him. But Yuri didn't stop crying.  
"I need you to stay here like a big boy for me while I talk to Victor."

"Don't leave me." he begged immediately.

"I'm just going to the kitchen. I will be right back." he got the feeling that Yuri didn't quite believe him. Well, he reasoned, would he believe him? It wouldn't be the first time that Yuri had been left alone with no grown up coming back. He was sure that was a thing that had happened with his Mommy. He shuffled out to the kitchen.

The older man was sitting at the table his elbows on the table, his fingers clenched in his hair. He looked so lost, Yuuri thought. He looked so scared. He looked--broken. Where was that charming man that had hired him?

He'd been here the whole time, Yuuri realized. Somewhere underneath. He quietly walked into the kitchen and put one hand on Victor's shoulders. Victor's hand came up to hold it, giving it a squeeze. He listened to Victor take in a snotty breath and realized that he'd been crying. He came in, guns blazing, ready to give the older man a proper dressing down.

But he was hurting. How could he not be hurting? His father died. His life changed, too. He stood there for a moment, letting the hand, bigger than his, clutch at him like he was a raft in a storm. He didn't speak.

"Wet sheets are not worth this much agony." he finally spoke

"It's not about the sheets, is it?" he prompted.

"No. I was running late. I was frustrated. I was angry. I shouted when I should not have. I'm the adult."

"Adults aren't perfect." Yuuri chuckled humorlessly.

"You are," Victor murmured. Yuuri jolted.

"Have you told the therapist how you're feeling?" he tried to side step the comment.

"We've been focused on Yura. I don't even know how I'm feeling." he groaned. He rose. "I owe him an apology."

"Sure," Yuuri agreed. "And you can do that after work. He's too wound up right now to hear it. Let him clam down. You go and calm down somewhere. Maybe you should call Chris and see if he can help?" he suggested.

"Chris is excellent at helping." Victor agreed. He grabbed his keys and jacket, and left. Yuri headed back to the little boy's bedroom, and found him standing just where he'd left him. He patted him on the head and smiled.

"Are you going to help me clean up this mess?" he asked.

"Yes," he said, sounding properly contrite. He carried some of his bedding to the washer. Yuri was impressed that Victor had a washable waterproof pad on the bed, so no one had to scrub the mattress. He pitched it in the washer, helped the boy out of his sodden pajamas, and walked with him to the bathroom, naked little tushie shivering as he started the bath.  
"It's not bath time?"

"I thought you'd enjoy it." he poured in the bubbles, plopped in the duckies, and opened the packet of bath crayons. "Watch this." he said mysteriously.

Yuuri selected a green crayon and began to draw a tree.

"You can't draw on the walls!" the little boy was scandalized and enthralled.

"With these you can." he smiled and went to hand them to him. He jerked his wrist up at the last moment. "But only with these crayons and only on the walls of the tub. Nowhere else. Not ever. Not over here," he pointed to the tile floor. "Not over there," he pointed to the hallway. "Not anywhere." Good Lord, he really was starting to pull a Green Eggs and Ham, wasn't he?

"Okay!" he nodded eagerly. He made grabby hands and Yuuri smiled as he handed them over. Yuri knelt in the tub and drew. He barely noticed when he was scrubbed over with the washrag. He barely flinched as his hair was washed, and sat impatiently as his hair was rinsed. Yuuri sat on the closed lid of the toilet, watching him for a moment.

"How come you took your pull up off last night, buddy?" the little boy stopped his scribbling and let his arm drift into the bubbly water.

"I hate them." he said simply.

"I know that. But you know that no one thinks less of you, right?" he tilted his head to the side. "No one thinks you're a baby because you need them. There are lots of kids who have that problem." he cleared his throat.

"I hate them." he repeated.

"I know. But do you like having to do all this laundry more? Because I can talk to Victor, and if you'd rather spend your day doing laundry and having to take a shower every morning, then I guess that's your choice." he shrugged. "But it would be too bad if you had to shower like that every morning and spend so much time stripping the bed and putting it in the washer and making the bed later. Because then we wouldn't have time for things like Sesame Street or going on walks or--."

"No!" Yuri jolted. "No, I still want to do those things."

"Well, it's your time." he said sweetly. "And you get to decide how to manage it."

"But if you're my assistant, shouldn't you be assisting me in changing the bed?"

"Oh, of course! And I will! You can't reach the knobs for the washer, or measure the soap. So I can do those things for you. But I don't touch the wet sheets." he thought quickly. "It's against OSHA code."

"What's--Ocean? Like the big water?"

"No," he bit the inside of his mouth to keep from smiling. "OSHA. It's like--it's a bunch of people who make the rules about what's safe to do at work and what isn't."

"That's a job?"

"Indeed. And if you and Victor get caught breaking those rules, Victor could get in trouble." he grabbed a towel and began to drain the tub. "So why don't we keep the pull up on for now, okay buddy?"

Yuri was pliant and quiet the rest of the day. He asked for crayons and paper and began to draw. He didn't seem to have an real pattern, relying on bold colors and thick lines. Yuuri was tempted to ask what it was supposed to be, but he didn't like to be bothered when he was trying to work. So why would the kid? He did eventually coax him into some Lego, and episode of Sesame Street. Lunch was only picked at.

"Yuuri? Do you think Victor would really send me away?"

"No!" he sounded horrified at the question. "God, no. Never. Sometimes when we're upset we say things we don't mean."

"Even grown ups?" he cast a skeptical eye on Yuuri.

"Even grown ups. You should ask your therapist about it. I bet you she'd have lots to say to you about it."

It had not been a very good morning for Victor, either. He had arrive late, realized he hadn't put the right paperwork in his briefcase. He spilled coffee across his shirt and hadn't had time to put a spare in the trunk since Yuri had gotten the last one dirty with muddy shoes. He collapsed into his desk chair. Chris came in and gave a smirk.

"Rough day?" Victor didn't even have the strength to flip him the bird. He just stared at the ceiling. "Vitya? What's wrong?"

"I told my baby brother today that I would send him to live somewhere else." his voice cracked.

"What happened?" Chris set down his folder and came to Victor's desk.

"My Dad died, Chris. That's what happened."

Chris spun him in his office chair. He pulled Victor into a standing position and gave him a crushing hug. They stood there quietly while Victor buried his face in his friend's shoulder. They stood there, holding tightly to each other. Chris didn't speak, didn't prompt him. He simply let his friend cry, pressing his cheek to the side of his head.

Chris always smelled amazing, Victor thought. Chris always looked so put together. It was too bad he was going to get snot on the jacket. He'd have to pay for dry cleaning. The thought reminded him on the pile in his room that needed to be taken care of. The doctor's appointments that needed to be made and kept. The dentist that needed to look at Yuri's teeth. The school that had to be selected for kindergarten in the fall. The birthday gifts that had to be selected and purchased.

"I don't have my Dad to call and ask for help." he admitted. "I have to figure this out on my own."

"You don't, though. That's what I've been trying to tell you all along. You have me. The good doctor you've chosen. Yuuri, even. I know that he's paid to care, but from what you tell me, I really think he genuinely cares."

"He does." he scrubbed at his eyes with the heels of his palms. "He cares more than anyone I think I've ever seen. Yuri is crazy about him." he blew out a breath through pursed lips.  
"Maybe we need an emergency appointment."

"What, exactly did you say to Yura?"

"That he couldn't make my life one inch easier. That I was the best he had since Dad was gone. That I didn't want him there, and I'd be happy to send him to stay with a stranger."

"Victor!" Chris gasped. "What would possess you to say things like that?

"He had taken his pull up off after I told him good night. So of course, he wet the bed. And I woke up late and he was in a bad mood, because he'd woken up soaking wet. And he wasn't helping me by even trying to go get changed, he just kept screaming no at me. I just--I lost it. And he said he missed Daddy, and I told him that my Dad died, too."

"Did you seriously try to Pain Olympics your baby brother?"

"I am embarrassed to admit that I did. I messed this up." he brightened for a second. "Maybe if I brought him home a present he'd--."

"Victor. No." Chris grabbed his wrist and shook his head. "I agree the kid needs more real toys. You can't buy his forgiveness. Don't start doing that now." he warned.  
"Go home and tell him that you're really, genuinely sorry."

"But is that going to fix it?"

"I don't know," Chris said honestly. "There might not be fixing it in terms of making it go away. You can't just pretend that it never happened. You can move past it."

Victor left early. Thank God for flex time, he thought. He parked the car and headed into the apartment. As usual, the kid and his assistant were curled on the couch, that book spread across their laps. They were at the tail end of Cinderella, where she marries the prince. He stood and listened to the end. He gently cleared his throat.

"Baby?" he called softly. Yuri was already wearing a pair of Superman pajamas. He looked up at Victor, weariness in his eyes. The man dropped to his knees, arms spready wide. The little blond scrambled off the couch and raced towards him, throwing his arms around his neck. Victor hugged him tightly. His bones were so frail, almost hollow. Like cupping a hummingbird in your palms.  
"I am so sorry."

"I'm sorry, Vitya," he pulled back, putting his hands on his cheeks. "I won't take my pull up off again." he hesitated. "But you won't send me away, will you? To live with a stranger?"

"Not in ten thousand years." he stood up, those legs wrapping around his waist. He walked them to his room, where the sheets and blankets were still warm from the dryer. He kicked off his shoes and laid them both down.  
"I've loved you since you were born."

"Were you there that day?"

"I was," he nodded. "Daddy let me hold you. I sat in a rocking chair and he put you in my arms. And one look into your big eyes, I knew I loved you. Even if you do have a booger nose." he teased.

"I love you even though you have old man hair."

"Oh, you shoot your arrow straight into my heart." he gave puppy eyes. "Do you love me even though I'm a stupid head?"

"Vitya, you're not a stupid head." he shook his head. "Your mad just came out bad."

"Mmm, you're right." he nodded. "And I made an appointment to see the doctor tomorrow to talk about my mad. And Yuuri is coming with us."

"Yuuri is?" the man in question asked from the doorway, where he'd walked to say good night.

"She has a few questions."

"Ah. Well. Bright and early?"

"Bright and early." Victor agreed.


	14. I Will Feel You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. Jean talks to Yuuri. Yuuri creats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How To Survive The Loss of A Love is an EXCELLENT book.

"So I'm going to start today with Yuuri," the therapist was smiling to see all of them. She did pause at the purple bags under Victor's eyes, and the distance look in Yuri's. Strangely enough, he was clinging to his brother, wrapped like a barnacle around his leg. Unusual, she thought to herself. Ususally he seemed so independent in the office. Sure, the first session, he had shied away from her, stayed close to Victor. But now he walked in and would plop down and begin playing with some of her toys.  
"Is that okay, Yuri?"

"Yes," he whispered, not looking Dr. Jean in her warm brown eyes. They weren't the same color as Yuuri's, his were nearly amber. Her were closer to rich dark soil.

"Thanks for letting me borrow your assistant." she gave a huge smile and opened her office door. Yuuri walked inside with a gulp, tryin to remind himself that he wasn't in trouble. This wasn't like going to the principal's office.  
"I've heard so much about you." she sat in a heavy office chair with a high back.

The floor was littered with neat piles of toys. Lego, dolls, a little table with paper and crayons and clay. There were some bean bag chairs, too, but Yuuri opted to sit in another armchair like the ones outside.

"Thank you," he murmured.

"Yuri is quite taken with you. I have to admit that I've never seen a four year old with his own assistant before." she chucked, "But after talking to him for awhile, I can see why he'd need one."

"He is pretty special." Yuri agreed, clasping his hands on his lap.

"You're not in trouble." Dr. Jean said gently. "You can relax a little bit."

"You got me." he joked. "I just feel like I've been called to the headmaster's office. And that you were going to tell me I was taking care of him wrong."

"Oh, goodness me, no!" she looked alarmed. "I would say that you've been one of the pillars for him right now. I don't know how much you know about the situation..?"

"Ah, Victor filled me in. It's my understanding that his dad died and Yuri's Mom disappeared? And I was there for the problems that he was having at school. And I've witnessed some of the issues."

"What do you think some of the issues are?" she subtly put a legal pad on her lap.

"He's withdrawn with other kids and strangers. It's hard to get him to take risks." he squirmed. "He tells me things that happened with his Mom even when she was around, and they just sound not great."

"That's about the size of it." she agreed. "Those are the things I've witnessed and suspected."

"So what do we do for him?"

"Well," she tapped her pen thoughtfully. "Him coming here is a step in the right direction. He has a lot of issues to work through, and I'm going to help him do it. But I want you to know that it's not going to happen over night. And he'll have regressions and bad days, especially as we start to tackle some of the actions that Mom took against him."

"I know. These things take time." he cleared his throat. "I've struggled with anxiety at a few points in my life."

"Ah, okay, so you understand." she looked pleased. "That's good."

"It--it is?"

"Oh, silly me!" she laughed. "It's not good that you have anxiety. It's good that Yuri has someone in his life that can see it from his perspective." she tilted her head to the side.

"What about Victor?" he blurted.

"I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to discuss Victor's treatment."

"He needs it, though. I think. Yesterday was a very bad day."

"Oh?" Dr. Jean looked interested.

"Um, maybe I should let them tell you." he rubbed the back of his neck. "But, Yuri didn't want to wear his pull up to bed and he took it off, so he had an accident, and Victor woke up late and..." the doctor was nodding along.

"That's stressful for anyone, let alone them."

"Right. And I walked in and they were screaming. Victor threatened to send Yuri away, and Yuri said Victor wasn't his Dad."

"Oh wow," Dr. Jean shook her head.

"So I separated them and got Yuri calm and then calmed Victor down. And he said he was making an appointment with you." he rubbed his upper arm. "I don't know that they slept so good tonight,   
either."

"Probably not." she looked sad. "All right. Well, I have some books for you, and some handouts." she reached for a paper sack. "Here you go. How to Survive The Loss of A Love, some handouts about trauma. Read at your leisure. Please make sure to check in with me if you're worried about anything. I'd really like you to be part of the team in healing Yuri... and even Victor."

"Do you think he will be okay?" he asked, not looking at her, clutching the bag. "I'm not a child care expert, Dr. Jean. I was a camp counselor at a kid's art camp for a few summers. But it was nothing like this."

"You'll find,, Yuuri, that not ever expert knows everything." she gave a soft smile. "You're doing your best, and that's all anyone can ask of you. Now, if you'd send them both in, I would be much obliged." he nodded quickly and left, beckoning to them.

By then the brothers were curled in one armchair, Victor's cheek on top of Yuri's head. The little boy seemed to whisper exhaustion. He paused in the doorway, tempted to just take the two of them home and put them back to bed. Instead, he walked quietly towards them and put his hand on Victor's shoulder. Victor looked up with a soft smile.

Yuri's fingers were twisted into his sweater. He was staring blankly at the wall, blinking slowly. Yuuri told himself today was going to be a nap day, and that meant that he'd have to bump up his Sesame Street time. His mind was immediately changing the daily schedule as the pair walked into the office, Yuri's head against his big brother's shoulder.

The door closed behind them, and Yuuri dropped into a chair. He pulled out the ever present sketchbook and began to draw. His fairy boy came to mind once again. This time he was laying on a long, flat stone, the same pained look on his face that Yuri had. But the rock seemed wrong. Even adding some moss to it didn't give it the right look.

Victor is not a stone, a voice said in his head. Victor is more like a wolf. He smirked at the thought of Victor as a world. He flipped the page and quickly sketched the fairy boy laying against a wolf. They both had such sad looks on their faces. The wolves tail, long and fluffy, was wrapped around the fairy boy. There was something protective in his gaze.

He wondered about the background of the picture when the door opened. He stood up with a smile. Yuri was still in Victor's arms, and they both looked a little weepy. Yuri looked at him with glassy eyes. The assistant reached into his bag and pulled out Velveteen, silently offering him the toy. The little boy took it and seemed to curl into a tighter ball.

"We have decided that I am taking the day off." Victor announced.

"Oh, okay. Do you not need me then, or...?"

"No, no, you're free to go. Thank you, Dr. Jean," he called absently over his shoulder as he carried the boy out.

"Sure, okay." the prospect of a day off sounded nice. "I'll see you tomorrow, buddy."

"You promise?"

"I promise," he helped Victor strap him into his car seat, put his backpack down. "Have a fun day with Vitya."

Something sparked inside of Victor to hear the brunet call him by the nickname. A lump rose up in his throat to watch the other man cupping Yuri's face as he adjusted the straps on the seat. He wanted to grab the man and kiss him when he saw the soft smile Yuri gave him in return.

"I'm happy to take you home." Victor said instead.

"Nah, I gotta go to the grocery store."

"Errands. You have to run errands." Yuri supplied.

"Exactly," he grinned. "I'll miss you, though. Who will hold the basket for me? I'll manage on my own, of course. But it's more fun with you." he waved and headed to the bus stop, reaching for his earbuds. Victor leaned against the car and watched him go. He gave himself a headshake and climbed into the front seat, starting the ignition.

"Where do you want to go, Yura?" he looked in the rearview. "The day belongs to you and me. Dr. Jean had a wonderful idea to have us be together."

"Umm, the pond? With the duckies to feed?"

"Sure," he shrugged. They'd only gone once before, but it would be fine enough. He'd stop and get a bag of seed to feed them. There was even a little playground.

They had both been sad and sorry in Dr. Jean's. Yuri kept repeating he'd never do something like that again. He kept begging Victor to not be mad at him forever.

"I'm not mad at you forever." he tried to reassure him helplessly. "Why would you think that?"

"Because I'm mad at you forever!" he admitted. "I'm mad at you forever that you lied and didn't tell me Daddy died and that Mommy was gone."

"Forever?" he repeated weakly.

"It's okay that you're mad, Yuri." Dr. Jean cut in gently. "It is something that would make a lot of people mad. But forever is a very, very long time. Isn't it?"

"Yes,"

"Do you want to be mad forever?"

"No!" he was in tears then. "That's why I'm mad, too."

"Big, big feelings." Dr. Jean said softly as the boy dissolved. Victor sat on the floor with him, holding him tightly. They walked through a few breathing exercises together that Dr. Jean coached them with. And when he had stopped crying, she suggested a whole day together, just the two of them. They could do anything that they liked, but they needed to do it together.

"Do you have big feelings, Vitya?" a little voice asked from the backseat.

"I do," he said seriously. "Sometimes I'm mad or sad, just like you. But my other big feeling is love. Big feelings don't always have to be bad, Booger."

"I want good big feelings."

"You will. It takes time, baby. And we can give you all the time in the world, hmm?"

True to his word, Yuuri had gone to the grocery. He filled his cart, Uber'd home, and then left to the art supply store. He purchased a canvas and a new set of paints. Previously, he had used a lot of darker colors. But for what he had in mind, he needed some brighter ones. And, he thought to himself, he didn't want to open those old paints. He didn't want to carry their energy into this artwork. He brought his treasures home and went into his room, locking the door. The easel and drop cloth were set up quickly.

Yuuri loved music while he painted. So often, he would turn on a song he liked and begin to pain without planning anything out. His hands seemed to be moving without his say so. He would just flow to the music. But this was going to be different. He had a solid plan in mind. It was time to put the fairy boy to canvas, starting with the one with him at the castle.

He took some brushes in his hands and inhaled deeply. Tingles ran from the bottoms of his feet to the top of his head. He hadn't felt this energized in what felt like weeks. He squared his shoulders and lifted his arms. As the music swelled around him, he began to paint.

After a bit with the ducks, both brothers seemed calmer. Yuri got on the swings for a little bit. Victor gave him a few underdog pushes, feeling much better when Yuri giggled. He climbed the monkey bars, went down the slides. And when they both felt mellow, they climbed into the car to go on one of Victor's surprises.

"Booger, how come there weren't many toys in your room at Daddy's house?"

"Mommy didn't like them." he shrugged. "She let me keep Velveteen and Lego, but said that anything else was silly and a waste of time and money."

"Did Daddy know that?"

"Yeah. He'd try and bring toys, but Mommy found them and threw them away, so he said we'd better listen to her, because if she got mad she might take away the other stuff." his hand tightened on Velveteen.

"I see," he hummed. He pulled up to the toy shop and opened the door. "Come on, you need more."

"What am I allowed?" he asked carefully.

"We'll figure it out together." he smiled.


	15. My Universe Will Never Be The Same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Victor needs to go on a business trip.

“A business trip?” Yuuri repeated as he drained the spaghetti noodles into the sink. “How long would you be gone for?”

“A day and a night. I'd be home before dinner the second night.” Victor watched him. He liked the swing of his hips, he thought. He liked the way that Yuuri moved around the kitchen, not having to dig for things. Like he belonged there. Like this was the perfect place for him.

“I don't know...” he hesitated, stirring the sauce on the stove. “I've never had him for a whole night. What if he didn't like it? What if he only wants you?” 

“I think we both know who the clear winner is around here.” Victor snorted. “But we can ask him, if you'd like?” the Japanese man nodded, and Victor called for his baby brother.  
“Booger, I have to take a business trip.”

“Oh,” he looked slightly sad by the news. “When?”

“Next week. So would it be okay if Yuuri looked after you for the night that I'm gone? I'd be home by dinner the next day.”

“Really?” Yuri squealed. “Yuuri would stay here with me? For the whole night?”

“If that's what you want.” Victor smiled. The little blond nodded and launched himself at Yuuri, who returned the squeeze and laughed. 

“You got me.” he confessed as the boy ran back out to play. When Yuuri had come the day after their sessions with Dr. Jean, it was less like a stiff apartment, carefully decorated, and more like a child actually lived there.

There were toy cars, and a garage for them. More Lego, and some wooden blocks. More stuffed animals, leaning heavily towards being cat themed. Toy airplanes, even some that could glide through the air. Balls and chalks to be taken to the park and played with. Action figures. A few train sets, heavily featuring Thomas the Tank Engine. A few play sets, mainly Sesame Street. 

“Did you buy the toy store?” Yuuri blinked at the pile of toys in the living room.

“He needed toys!” Victor had said defensively. “And well... you've seen his eyes.”

“They are lethal.” he agreed. So that day had been spent unboxing and setting up toys. Victor had also ordered new shelves for the bedroom, and even a toy box, so things could be put neatly away. Yuuri shouldn't have been surprised when a few Amazon packages arrived. 

He had expected new toys. Instead, there had been new bedding. A new comforter, printed all over with stars. It promised to glow in the dark, according to the package. There were some blankets, with Sesame Street characters and Thomas the Tank Engine characters on them. The regular sheets would work fine, evidently. There were wall stickers to decorate with, and even a small lamp shaped like Oscar the Grouch, and a nightlight shaped like a rocket ship to plug into the wall. The most interesting thing, Yuuri thought, was the package of plastic stars to stick on the ceiling and wall. These also promised to glow in the dark.

He had acquiesced to Yuri's request that they spend the afternoon decorating. They put up stickers, changed the bedding. He got a chair and put up the stars in shapes of the constellations that night. Bedtime had never been easier. 

Yuri had gotten dressed and laid down. As soon as the light was flicked off, it was magical. He had stared in wonder at it all. Victor came home then, and he too was amazed. He sat next to Yuri's bed on the floor, holding the little hand until the owner of it fell asleep.

Yuuri had gone home that night and went straight to his room. The painting came throughout the night. He did not sleep, he did not feel tired. The fairy boy laying with the wolf, on his back, arms folded behind his head. He was staring in wonder at a velvety blue colored sky, spilled with brilliant white stars. Yuuri wondered if he could add glow in the dark paint to it.

“So you'll do it then?” Victor perked up.

“Yes, I will stay for a night. I'll email you my overnight rates.”

“It'll be a bargain at any price!” that heart shaped smile that made Yuuri melt. “You'll be brilliant at it, I'm sure.”

“Maybe I should bring my roommate. Would that be okay?” he asked.

“The one who built the fort in my living room that I wasn't allowed in?”

“Are you still upset about that?” Yuuri pulled the garlic bread out of the over and removed plates from the cupboard.  
“Buddy, please pick up your toys so that we can eat supper!” he called into the living room.

“Well, it is my living room.” Victor pouted. “And they were my couch cushions. But yes, he can come.”

“I guess I'm just surprised you're asking me and not Chris.” he began to pour Yuri's milk into the plastic tumbler.

“Chris is my partner, of course he's going with me.” Victor shrugged.

Well, that made sense, Yuuri reasoned. He plated the spaghetti, put some garlic bread on the side and laid the two dishes down. Yuri came scampering in and sat at the table, accepting the napkin he was handed. Yuuri dropped a kiss on his head and waved good bye to Victor before heading out.

“But maybe I don't want to baby sit!” Phichit protested as he carefully picked up the hamster ball that was rolling towards the door.  
“Koala, why do you always want freedom? You are very small. The world is very big. You will not survive.”

“It isn't really baby sitting, it's helping me.” Yuuri gave him a pout. “I thought you wanted me to do well at this job?”

“I do! And you have been. You've been doing beautifully. That's why you don't need my help. Panda, come here!” he grabbed another hamster ball. “This is just too much. You really must learn your own limitations. It's a plastic ball, not a force field.”

“Well, okay,” he sighed dramatically. “I'll just tell little Yuri that Mr. Peaches doesn't want to come and play with him.”

“You wouldn't.” he froze.

“I would. I would tell him. I would look him straight in those big green eyes and tell him that his beloved Mr. Peaches has better things to do on a Thursday night than come and play with him. He got a bunch of new toys to show you. But that's okay. Don't put yourself out.”

“You're evil,” Phichit shook his head. “You know damn good and well I don't want to break his little heart. Fine. We'll go. Justin, no, get back here.” he grabbed the last hamster ball.

“Peach, why is that one named Justin and the other two are named after animals?”

“Because he looks like Justin Timberlake.”

“Right. Sure. Of course he does.” Yuuri sighed. “I really don't know what I expected or why I even asked.”

Yuuri and Phichit arrived Thursday morning. Victor was wandering around in an unbuttoned dress shirt, with a lovely red tie undone around his neck. He was, at least, wearing proper pants. Phichit gasped a bit, choking it off when Yuuri elbowed him in the gut. 

Victor glanced up at the two men, standing by the door. He grinned and waved, a pair of socks clutched in his hand. A horribly attractive blush was on Yuuri's cheeks, his eyes wide and slightly wet. He was trying very hard not to look at Victor's waist, the hard slope of his abs and chest.

“I didn't pack last night.” he confessed, looking at the socks in his hand. “I just need a few more minutes. Chris will be here with the car. I haven't made breakfast.”

“I'll make French toast.” Phichit muttered and headed towards the kitchen, pulling out the ingredients.

“I'll wake Yuri so you can tell him good bye.” Yuuri hurried to the little boy's room. He switched on the little lamp and touched the touseled head.  
“Come on, sweetness. Don't you want to tell Victor good bye before his trip?”

“Oh!” Yuri sat up and rubbed at his eyes. “Vitya is gone tonight, and then it's you and me and Mr. Peaches!”

“Right,” he laughed.

The little boy scrambled out of bed and snatched a clean outfit. He scurried to change and go potty, brush his teeth and struggle with his hair. Yuuri supervised, leaning in the doorway with his arms crossed, laughing to himself.

“I will comb out the knots, buddy.” 

“Can we do it after Vitya leaves?” he begged.

“Well, sure, but--.”

“Great!” he raced out into the kitchen, were Victor was finishing up a cup of coffee. He beamed to see his brother and opened his arms. Yuri came to give him a hug and a kiss.

“Okay, I love you, have a good time, bye!” Yuri chirped. “I'll get your briefcase.”

“Uncle Chris isn't here yet.” he blinked.

“Well you can wait on the steps.” he grabbed his hand and tried to pull him up. “And we'll see you tomorrow right before supper, right?”

“Yuri!” Yuuri scolded lightly. “Don't rush your brother. Phichit made French toast, don't you want any?”

“Mr. Peaches!” Yuri cried happily. The Thai man set down his spatula and dropped to his knees to accept his big hug. He smiled at the wriggly little boy.

“Hi pal! I'm so happy to see you. Go and sit, your plate will be ready in just a few minutes.”

Yuri got up at the table, took his glass of juice and waited for his French toast, hot and fresh and with a healthy swirling of maple syrup. He gave Phichit a winning smile. Yuuri watched and raised an eyebrow, watching his best friend melt into a puddle, a slave to the golden hair and wide green eyes. 

“And you didn't want to.” he muttered to him under his breath.

“Never breathe a word that thought even crossed my mind!” he hissed, looking at Yuri out of the corner of his eyes. “I never want my syrupy angel to be sad.”

“Right,” he rolled his eyes and made his own plate. Victor's phone buzzed and he rose, grabbing his rolling suitcase and briefcase. He hugged Yuri once more, dodging the dripping fork, kissing him on the side of the head.

“Be good for Yuuri and Phichit, please.” he murmured,

“You don't have to tell me that.”

“I know,” he sighed. He hesitated. “Are you sure this is okay? I can cancel if you want me to. I'll stay home. I'll figure something else out. You've never been without me for a night since you came here.”

“I'll be fine. I'm a big boy, Vitya,” he puffed his chest out.

“So you are. I love you, Booger Nose.”

“I love you, Stupid Hair.” he hummed. Victor drifted towards the door as his phone buzzed again, sounding angry and desperate.

He walked out of the apartment down to Chris' car, feeling the sting of tears in his eyes. He put his bags in the trunk of the car and dropped into the front seat. His throat felt tight as Chris pulled into traffic and began to steer them out of town.

“Doing all right there?” Chris glanced at him.

“I've never left him before.” he sighed. “I know that Yuuri isn't Natalie. I know that Yuuri cares about him, and he'll be fine. But the last time someone was in charge of him and I wasn't there...”

“You can't blame yourself for Natalie, Victor. Natalie is his mother. That's the one person that we should have been table to trust to take care of him” Chris frowned.

“I know that.” he shook his head. “But now I'm the one person. And if anything happens to him...”

“It won't. Relax. They're fine.”

“He didn't even seem sorry to see me go, Chris! He could have shoved me out the door.”

“Well, who is more fun? Your nanny with games and toys and park trips, or your dad who makes you eat your vegetables?”

“Fine, I get it!” he sighed dramatically. “Yuuri is amazing, I am terrible. We already knew that. I can't help but agree with him, anyway.”

“Are you still pining for the nanny?” Chris raised an eyebrow. “Don't you think that's a little Hallmark Channel movie?”

“Shut up,” he spat. “Let's just get through this trip.”

After breakfast, Yuri asked Phichit if they could build another fort, but this time in his room.

“You're gonna love it!” he bounced on his toes, dragging the Thai man before he could agree or disagree. It was a great room, Phichit thought. With the stars and the bedding. Much nicer than the last time he'd been around.

They spent a pleasant morning constructing the fort, using all the couch cushions again. They did manage to leave the kitchen chairs alone this time, at least. The two of them did manage to make the fort big enough for the train set, though.

After lunch, Yuri begged nicely to go to the park. It wasn't too hard to say yes, with the lovely weather that day. Phichit agreed to push him on the swings, and Yuuri worked on more sketches of the fairy boy in flight. When they began a game of hide and seek, the boy hid among the bushes. Yuuri sketched a little drawing of the fairy boy amongst a dark, leafy place, sitting on his knees, giggling.

As it stood, Yuri couldn't hide long. He giggles gave him away. 

Dinner and bath went easily enough, too, Yuuri thought. He actually ate almost all his dinner, the first time he'd done that since Yuuri started with him. Then again, maybe the fact that it was dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets and veggie fries was helpful. He'd take any win he could get. The kid begged again for Phichit to give him his bath. He said he wanted to show him his new boat and submarine star projector.

“We're gonna need to buy one of those for the apartment.” the man sighed after the bath. “Single most awesome thing I've ever freaking seen.”

“Maybe for Christmas, Peach.” he snorted and patted his friend's cheek.

“He asked for you to dress him for bed though.”

“Oh! Okay,” he went into the bedroom, where Yuri was wrapped in a towel and looking seriously at the door.  
“What's up, buddy?”

“I didn't... I didn't want Mr. Peaches to know.”

“To know what?” he selected a pair of astronaut pajamas and reached for the drawer.

“That,” he said flatly. “I didn't want him to know that.”

“You know he wouldn't think less of you, right hon?” Yuuri frowned. “I would never bring someone around you that wasn't kind to you.” he just shrugged and let himself be dressed in the pull up and pajamas, climbed into bed and waited for his story.  
“Do you want Phichit to do your story?”

“No, I want you,” he whispered.

He curled into Yuuri's side, listening to the story of the tortoise and hare sweetly. He was asleep before the end of it, of course. Yuuri stayed with him for a little while, his arms around him. He switched off the lamp, the nightlight coming on automatically. He looked at the plastic constellations on his ceiling and exhaled deeply.

“You're in this deep, aren't you?” Phichit was in the doorway, barely illuminated by the hall light.

“I'm afraid I am.” his voice was hushed.

“Is it the kid or Victor?”

“I can think of no reason it isn't both of them.”

“Uh, other than Chris?” Phichit watched as Yuuri laid the little boy down, smoothing back his hair, kissed his forehead. He watched as the blankets were pulled up, the ever present stuffed cat set in his arms. 

“I prefer not to consider Chris.” he groaned.

“Yeah, I bet.”

The roommates fell asleep in the living room. Yuuri claimed the couch, Phichit had stretched out on a recliner. The television droned on low, some old movie full of action where the plot hurt if you thought too much about it.

Yuuri's eyes snapped open, aware of someone looking at him. His head turned slowly, his heart in his throat. He yelped at the tiny figure, covered in shadow. The figure shouted too, and then Phichit was leaping out of the chair.

“Yuri!” he gasped, putting his hand on his chest. “What, honey? You scared me?”

“I had a nightmare.” now that his eyes were adjusting to the dim, he could see tear tracks on his face. “And I went to Vitya's room and I remembered that he isn't here. I was scared.”

“Wanna talk about it?” he yawned and rubbed his eyes, reaching for his glasses. The boy shook his head stubbornly, held out his arms in that universal plea to be held.  
“Right, okay. Go back to sleep, Phichit,” he kept his voice low as he carried the boy to the bathroom. A quick potty break, and they were snug in Yuri's bed. It was a tight fit, but one look in those fearful eyes, and Yuuri knew that he wouldn't be able to say no. Not to him. Not for something like this.

Yuri's arms were around his neck, face buried in his chest. 

“Yuuri?” 

“What is it, buddy? It's late, and you should sleep.”

“You won't leave me, will you?” he whispered, a fearful tone that only desperate children are able to have. Yuuri rubbed up and down his back.

“No, honey, no.” he whispered. 

“Mommy did. Daddy did.”

“But Victor didn't.” the brunet pointed out, in the middle of the night hush that had spread through the apartment.

“No, Vitya didn't. And you wouldn't.”

Victor rushed through his meetings. He kept checking his phone constantly. He sat through meetings, squirming and tapping his pen. He ignored the dirty looks Chris gave to him. This was an important client, and he shouldn't piss him off.

The night in the hotel wasn't like the others. They didn't go to the bar and drink, didn't try and schmooze further. Didn't see if there was anyone pretty who wanted to come up with them. Victor wanted to get to bed early, start their goodbyes early, see if they could get home early.

To his credit, Chris played along, smiling indulgently.

“If I didn't know better, I would think you missed your kid, Vitya.”

“I do!” he groaned, flopping on his bed. “I really do. I didn't think I would.”

“The joys of parenting.” his friend snorted. But he ordered their room service, was polite enough about waking up to an early alarm. The client, as it turned out, was impressed with their dedication to their work.

They made it home shortly before dinnertime. Victor ran up to the apartment before the car was even parked. He threw the door open, his heart pounding.

“Vitya!”

“Yura!” the little boy came skittering out of the kitchen, wearing an apron smudged with cupcake batter and frosting in various shades. He didn't care, lifting him up anyway in a big hug.  
“Was everything fine? Were you a good boy?”

“He was wonderful.” Yuuri was there, wiping his hands on a dish towel.

“Thank you!” Victor smiled, and Yuuri smiled back. The platinum haired man walked closer, still clutching his brother. The distance between them closed. Victor's hand pressed against his cheek.  
“It meant a lot to me that you kept him.”

“I—just doing my job.”

“You know it was more than that.”

There was a moment between then, hanging delicate as a spider's web. Their eyes were locked. Before either could move, or speak, the door swung open.

“Where's a hug for Uncle Chris?” Chris sang out. Yuri squeaked and got down from Victor's arms. The two moved away from each other as Yuri began to babble to Chris about all the things he had done while they were gone.

“I—I guess we can go early?” Yuuri swallowed hard. Victor just nodded.

“See you Monday.”


	16. I Want To Make You Proud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Yuri's birthday!

"Yuuri, Yuuri!" Yuri was already awake when Yuuri came a few weeks later. "Guess what?"

"Chicken butt," he said smoothly. The little boy burst into giggles as he watched his assistant hanging his things. Yuuri cracked into a smile in spite of himself. He generally liked when Yuri was still in bed when he got there. He had a few moments alone with Victor, drinking coffee at the table. Sometimes they talked about Yuri, but more and more often they discussed other things. Television, books, music.

"Noo! It's my birthday!"

"It is!" he gasped, mock horrified, hand pressed to his mouth. "Why, I plain forgot."

"You did?" his smile fell like the strings had been cut. As if he could have, Yuri had been talking about it for days.

"I'm just teasing." he said gently. "No, sweetness, I didn't forget your birthday. How could I forget my favorite kid's birthday?"

"Am I really?" the little blond trotted next to him as he headed to the kitchen.

"Really what?"

"Your favorite."

"Of course!" he lifted him onto his chair. "Eat your oatmeal, please."

"Never been anyone's favorite." he murmured, dragging a spoon through the oats before putting them into his mouth. Yuuri sat down at the table and accepted the cup of coffee that Victor handed him. Somehow, the platinum haired man remembered just how he liked it. Today, he was dressed casually in jeans and a t shirt.

"You're going to be late for work if you don't get dressed." he warned.

"I'm not going to work today."

"No?" Yuuri raised an eyebrow.

"Nope," he popped the 'p' sound. "It's my Booger's birthday, and we have to go and get his present."

"Am I staying home to do laundry or something?" he asked.

"You're coming too! It's a big surprise." Yuri said seriously.

"Oh, well then." Yuuri laughed. "I guess I have to come along, don't I?"

There was a birthday present, nicely wrapped for Yuri in his bag. He only hoped that he'd like it. What did you buy for a kid who recently had a toy store vomit into his living room? Phichit had, of course, insisted on sending something along. They could wait until they'd done their outing, though. It seemed cruel to let a kid open a new present and then drag them away to do something. Yuri finished his oatmeal and trotted it to the sink, standing on tiptoe to put it in.

"Let's wash hands and then I think we can go." Victor stood up and stretched. He arched his back, hands above his head, chest thrust out. It was a beautiful pose, Yuuri thought. He swallowed hard, trying to commit it to memory. This would go nicely in his little sketchbook in the nightstand.

Hands were duly washed, and they were taken down to the car. Yuri sat calmly in his car seat, holding Velveteen in his lap. Yuuri sat up front, feeling a bit awkward. But Victor just turned on the radio, humming along as they drove.

"Where are you going?" Yuri finally asked. He had more patience than they gave him credit for, Yuuri thought. When he was newly five, he never would have been able to sit quietly and wait for a surprise this way. And, if he was being honest, he wanted to know what the surprise was, too.

"If I tell you, that'll ruin it!" Victor grinned in the mirror.

"But waiting is so hard!"

"Well, you're doing a great job."

They pulled up in front of a nondescript building. Yuuri blinked, confused. Victor only gave him a mysterious smile and beckoned him out of the car. He went and helped the birthday boy down, who clutched his hand as they entered. As soon as they stepped through the glass doors, they heard the sounds of barks and meows. Yuri's little face lit up.

"Did we come to look at the kitties?"

"Well, we could do that." Victor said thoughtfully. "Or, we could find one to take home?"

"Really?" he froze, his eyes so big and hopeful that it almost hurt to look at.

"Daddy did promise you, didn't he?"

"Yes," he hurried in. There was a lady waiting for them, who walked Yuri into the kitten room. The little boy sat in the middle of the floor and was immediately covered in cat. Small kittens, teenager type   
ones. All sorts of colors and lengths of fur. He giggled and petted them all, eager to make sure that none of them felt left out.

"A cat, huh?" Yuuri drawled.

"I know we should have discussed it, first." Victor did have the grace to look a little abashed. "But Dr. Jean felt that it would be good for him. He's increased that monster talk lately."

"Yeah, I noticed that, too." the nanny admitted.

"And I did feel like I should have fulfilled the last promise Dad made to him. For all the things that I wasn't able to do for him."

"Victor," Yuuri put his hand on his elbow. "You can't own the things that Natalie did to him. That wasn't you. That was her. I don't know why she did the things that she did. I don't know why your dad didn't leave her. I just don't know, and I don't think we'll ever know the answer. And that's okay. What's important is that you're here with him now, and you're giving him his best life."

"It doesn't feel like it." he admitted.

"Well, your lives got turned upside down! You've had to change everything that you've ever known. Look at how much better he is." he nodded to the boy, cupping a kitten in each hand. "This is so different from the little boy when I first came."

"You know at least part of that is because of you, right?" Victor said softly. "He adores you. And I think you're pretty special too, Yuuri."

"I'm just doing my job."

"You're working magic on him." Victor turned to look directly at him. Yuuri's hand didn't leave his elbow. Victor wondered at the trembling he felt there in those fingers. He reached out with his other hand, covered it. Their eyes locked, and Victor's head bent towards him. Yuuri was certain that his heart was in his mouth. Could Victor hear it? Could he feel it?

"I'm just the nanny." he whispered.

"You're so much more." came the hushed response.

Their heads came closer together.

"Look!" Yuri suddenly cried out. He held out one fluffy kitty with seal point markings. She had long, fluffy fur and a look on her face like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. But she was happy enough to have Yuri holding her. He cuddled her to her chest, where she sat like a queen, looking around.  
"Isn't she perfect?:

Yuuri jolted away his heart pounding in his chest. He gave a weak smile and nodded. Almost satisfied, he turned again to look at his brother. Victor nodded enthusiastically and gave him a thumbs up. The little boy cuddled the kitten, who didn't even flinch at his enthusiastic appreciation of her. Well, Yuuri thought, that was at least something.

They filled out the paperwork for her, nodding along to the car instructions.

"Have a great life!" the worker scratched her behind her ears. "It's a perfect match. Mind if I take a picture for our Facebook page?"

"Please," Victor stepped away. The woman snapped a photo of a broadly smiling Yuri and the cat in his arms.

She was content to sit on his lap with Velveteen before they stopped at the pet store. Victor ran in to get a litter box, litter, the recommended food, and a few other odds and ends for her. Yuuri climbed into the back seat, sitting next to them. The cat let him pet her, even rub under her chin. But it was obvious that she saved her big heart eyes for the little boy. She even gently kneaded at his lap.

"What is that about?" Yuri looked confused.

"It's what kitties do before they get comfortable. Maybe it's because they do that to their Mommy cat to get milk, maybe it's how they make sure that there aren't pests in their nests. I really don't know."

"Do you think she misses her Mommy?" he asked quietly.

"Maybe." he hummed. "But you can help her. You know about missing a Mommy, don't you?" the little boy nodded.  
"Maybe when she misses her Mommy, she can come to you for a cuddle. And maybe when you miss your Mommy, you can go and see her for a cuddle. Won't that be nice?"

"Do you think Mommy is thinking about me today?"

"I bet she thinks about you every single day." he swallowed hard. "You're so special, Yuri. There's no way that anyone could not think about you. You know that you can always ask me and Victor and Uncle Chris and even Phichit for a cuddle too, right?" he stroked the boy's hair back. "We're all right here for you when you need us."

"But Mommy said that I can't always count on people like that."

"Hey, Yuri, look at me." big green eyes peered into him, uncertain. That hurt that was so evident the first time they met came back to the surface. Yuuri had hoped that one day, all that hurt would dissolve. He was now wondering if maybe that hurt didn't leave forever, it just got easier and easier to deal with. Easier for all of them, really.  
"Mommy was wrong." he said firmly.

"About what?" well, most things, probably.

"You can count on people like that. Especially Victor and me." he didn't even blink, and left his tone firm. "We would never, ever abandon you or not care about you. We're always here for you. And so are all the other grown ups in your life. I know it's hard, and you're scared. But sweetness, we're all right here to help you. When anything is hard, we're here to help."

"Do you promise?" he said skeptically.

"I promise, cross my heart." he did the exaggerated gesture. Yuri seemed satisfied with that. He sat back to keep petting the kitty, and Victor came back pushing a cart stuffed with various cat items. A litter box, litter, food, food dishes, toys, brushes, combs, a cat bed. Yuuri stared. Victor could only shrug happily and begin packing the trunk.

Back home, Yuuri helped him unpack and arrange the cat items, complete with litter box in Yuri's bathroom. The boy laid on his bed with the kitten while she curled up and napped. When everything was placed, they managed to coax him away from her just for a few moments.

"You have more presents!" Victor sang. Yuri climbed onto the couch and was first handed the package from Phichit.

"Oh wow!" he grinned. It was a set for a toy hamster that had little wheels. It had a small plastic and enclosure with a racetrack, two hamster friends, and even a little plastic ball for them.  
"This is amazing!"

"Peach said you kept asking about his hamsters, so he thought you might like some of your own." he snapped a picture at the thrilled way he looked. Peach would love to see that.

"Tell him I said thank you?" he pleaded. Yuuri agreed and then handed him his own package.

"Happy birthday, sweetness." he patted his head. Yuri opened it and found a soft black pair of dance pants, a white top, and a black pair of dance slippers. Yuri looked at him, confused.

"Vitya and I agreed you can take dance lessons. Like Zoe. If that's what you want."

"I do!" he was bouncing on the couch. "I really, really do! Thank you!" he threw his arms around his neck. Yuuri hugged him back tightly.

They both had agreed it would be good for him, and so did Dr. Jean. He needed something that he could do and feel confident in. If he wanted to dance, he could dance. It would mean more work for Yuuri to have to get him back and forth to lessons, but it was well worth it. The bus rides were never that unpleasant.

They spent the rest of the day setting up the toy hamster cage. A knock came on the door and Victor threw it open, revealing Phichit and Chris. They came in, full of hugs and smiles and birthday kisses, carrying pizza and a bakery cake.

The two of them respectfully fawned over the kitten, still unnamed. They looked at the hamster cage, and Phicht got a big hug from the boy in thanks. They dished up pizza and ate around the table. It was almost like a family, Yuuri thought as he wiped sauce from Yuri's face. Singing to him was especially wonderful. The way the candles, all five of them, illuminated his face, how he screwed his eyes tightly for a wish.

It had been such a nice night, it was almost a shame to end it. Yuuri eventually urged the little boy to bed, reminding him he'd see him tomorrow. He observed tooth brushing and face washing, helping him into pajamas. The kitty was already on the bed, waiting for him it seemed. She looked satisfied when he got under the covers.

"I hope it was the birthday you were hoping for." he murmured as he pulled the blankets up and kissed his forehead.

"It was even better."


	17. We're Gonna Die Young

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Carry on dancing.

The paintings of the fairy boy stacked in the closet. There were paintings now of him on his knees, contemplating a cat cub of some kind. Pictures of him at the very top of a rock formation, inspired by the time that Yuri managed to climb to the top of the monkey bars. He was even able to climb down by himself without help, an accomplishment he was very proud of.

"I can't wait to tell Potya and Vitya!" he had nearly bounced beside Yuuri as their made their way back to the apartment. Yuuri just smiled indulgently.

"Is Potya what we settled on for a short name?"

"Yes," Yuri nodded solemnly. "Puma Tiger Scorpion is really too long of a name for her. She's a queen, and queens have more than one name. But we can't just call her that in conversation all the time, you know."

"Of course not." he agreed.

Sure enough, when they got home, he found the fluffy kitten on the couch. She uncurled from her tight circle and yawned, purring as the little boy rubbed under her chin and began to chatter about their time at the park. Yuuri wished he could be close like that to another child, but the cat was better than nothing. Even if he got the distinct feeling that Potya didn't care for much of anyone other than Yuri

It figured, he snorted as he unloaded the washing machine. He was the one who scooped her little box and made sure that there was water in her bowl. And she looked at him like he was the scum between her paws. Yuri was the one who filled her dry food twice a day and gave her the smelly wet food once a day. And she obviously adored him.

Typically, cats made it look like some sort of coincidence that they were sitting on your head. Potya made it clear that she was following Yuri around, although she made it look like it was simply par for the course. Or maybe Yuri was meant to be her entourage. They watched Sesame Street together. They slept together at night, her bed tucked into a corner of Yuri's. They colored together, they played Lego and trains together. The trains typically involved Potya stalking them and smacking them off the tracks, wiggle butt and all.

"You can't do that!" Yuri would scold as he reset the trains. "The people will all be late to work. And it isn't good to be late to work, you know." if Potya knew, she didn't care.

Victor wasn't entirely thrilled with her, not since she had found his favorite suit jacket and decided to make it her bed. He'd spent what felt like hours with the sticky roller, trying to remove every strand of hair. Potya had sat watching him do this, cleaning off her paws delicately as she did so. Victor finished and hung it back up, ready to use tomorrow.

The cat jumped up, yanked it down, and curled happily on it again. Victor stared, unsure if he was going to scream or pull his hair out.

Yuuri found that he couldn't hate the cat. Even if she scattered litter he had to sweep up, he couldn't be angry at the happiness she was bringing the little boy. He couldn't scowl at her when she was sitting on his lap, purring, letting tiny fingers bury into her fur and rub her all over. It was a game well played, and Potya came out the winner.

The best inspiration, though, came from dance class. The little boy had clutched his hand as they walked into the studio, eyes cutting around. He was the only boy in the class, but that didn't seem to bother him, and it certainly didn't bother any of the girls. They were happy enough to have another friend. Yuuri had given him a tiny shove towards the teacher, waved, and went and sat outside in the parent waiting area.

It was nice, with squashy chairs and coffee, magazines, and free WiFi. The other adults clustered in groups, laughing and chatting. Yuuri gave them smiles, but stared at the big picture window provided so they could see the dancers. He watched Yuri following along, moving his arms above his head, trying to point his feet just so.

He was thrilled after the class.

"The teacher said she can teach us to spin without getting dizzy. Isn't that amazing!" he breathed.

"It is. But you can't spin like crazy in the house, buddy, you'll knock into things."

Twice a week dance class became something they both looked forward to. Yuuri would watch, his sketchbook on his knee. A few of the parents nudged each other and nodded to him a few times. One of them finally approached him.

"Um, I know this is weird." she began. "But like, what are you doing here?"

"Uh--drawing?" he blinked.

"Yes, I see that," she smiled a frosty sort of smirk. "But why, exactly, are you drawing our children?"

"I'm not," he flipped the book, where he was working on a drawing of Yuri not as the fairy boy. Just him, in his dance clothes, with his arm stretched above his head, gripping the barre, his leg extended and his foot pointed. His hair was the most interesting part of the whole thing.

"Yuuri? Can you do my hair pretty, like the girls in class?" he had asked that morning. The girls typically wore their hair pulled into buns on the tops of their heads.

"You want your hair in a bun?"

"But with the braid part." he nodded. Yuuri had pulled up images on his phone, Yuri pointing to the one that delighted him the most. They watched a few Youtube videos together, and the little boy sat patiently between Yuuri's knees while he combed and twisted and tied with tiny elastics. He ended up with a bun with a braid around the base.

He looked adorable.

"Why are you drawing that little boy?" she asked.

"I'm his assistant." it sounded silyl even as he said it. He swallowed hard. Were they going to call the teacher over? Have him booted? Call the police? There wasn't a law against drawing a child that you were in charge of. Not that he was aware of, anyway.

"Wait!" another mom perked up. "You're with Yuri! Ah yes, Samantha has mentioned him!" she chuckled. "She was amazed that a kid could have their own assistant."

"Well, don't tell him, but my duties stray more to the nanny side of things than administration." he stage whispered.

"I'm sorry." the nosey mom looked uncomfortable. "But I had to ask, you know. We don't normally see dads or anything around here. It was just strange."

Well, maybe they'd come around more if they didn't get glares and questions. He didn't bother to clue them in to this. After all, they were just trying to protect their kids, even if it did come across as sexist. He focused on his drawing instead, trying to capture the delicate way that Yuri was holding his fingers. And none of the parents there ever did question him again.

He might not have exactly been invited into their coffee club, but they were friendly enough, and he was happy enough with that.

So far, though, Yuuri's favorite picture was from a rainy day. They had walked to class, with Yuri in his rain boots and rain coat. It was green, and the hood looked like a froggy. The rain hadn't been too bad then, but just before class was out, it really started to pour. The brunet had sighed inwardly, not looking forward to dragging a tired kid through the wet. He was so likely to be fussy, and Yuuri was worried that he'd end up carrying him. The bus wasn't going to get them any closer, and he didn't feel right taking a Uber without a car seat. He resigned himself to carrying the kid the whole way home.

But Yuri had surprised him.

"Look at the rain," he stared at it splattering the windows of the studio, the drops catching one another to build streams to head to the bottom of the glass.

"Let's hurry home so we don't get drenched, sweetness." Yuuri hummed. "You're made of sugar, you'll melt."

"I don't think I'm made of sugar." he thought intensely for a moment.

"Oh no?" he was helping him on with the coat, changing the ballet shoes for the rain boots.

"No, I'm pretty sure I'm made of little boy?"

"My mistake," Yuuri coughed to hide his laugh.

When they got out in the rain, he started dancing. His boots found puddles to splash in. He leapt and swirled, jumped and danced. It was, without a doubt, the most lovely think Yuuri had ever seen. His heart ached in his chest, exploding with love. He thought, for one fleeting second, that it was dangerous to love a child so much, especially when they were not your own. He trailed along behind the boy, even as his hood fell down and his hair flowed freely while he played in the chilly rain.

He didn't have the heart to hurry the child. When they finally arrived home, he stripped Yuri from his wet things and plopped him in a warm bath. The little boy wriggled his toes in the bubbles, relaxing into the water. Potya had taken the nanny's usual spot on the closed lid of the toilet, flicking her tail as she glared at the bubbles. Yuuri wondered if she wanted to try and walk on them, although that seemed like a terrible idea.

When Yuuri got home that night, he locked himself in his room right away. He painted the fairy boy, leaping into a puddle, his arms out behind him, his knees nearly to his chest. He tried to capture the motion of the hair perfectly. As he finished late into the night, he wondered what Yuri might say if he ever showed him these pieces.

Would he be in awe? Would he be embarrassed? Would he understand that these were paintings made from love? Yuuri could name that feeling now, that bubbly feeling. The joy he got from going over and waking the little boy up. The way he was thrilled when the child was thrilled to see him. He did, indeed, love this little boy. And it made him all the more outraged that Natalie had left him.

"So you're going to be a very good boy for Vitya this weekend?" he asked as he cleared their dinner plates one early Friday night.

"I'm always a very good boy." Yuri protested, crossing his arms.

"I know that you always try your best." Yuuri smiled. "And Victor and I appreciate that more than you know. I just like to ask to make double sure you know to be a good boy."

"I am!" he insisted.

"So that means no bickering about getting ready for bed?" he raised an eyebrow. Yuri blushed, looking down at his plate. Lately, he'd been rebelling against the pull ups again. And Yuri felt for him, he really did. But they were just wet too many mornings to really try it without. He sighed and sat at the table, putting his hand on his shoulder.  
"No one is upset with you."

"I don't like them," he said for what felt like the thousandth time.

"I know you don't, And soon enough, I'm sure you won't need them." he gave the little shoulder a squeeze. "Sooner than you can even think! I know it feels like forever now, but time has a funny way of moving."

"Do you think that Mommy lost track of time?"

"What do you mean, buddy?" he asked. Victor had told him that Dr. Jean didn't want them to discourage talk about Natalie. She had said that even if they didn't know all the answers exactly, they could answer to the very best of their abilities. The most important thing was to make Yuri feel heard, and to validate the feelings that he had. Even if, perhaps especially if, they were uncomfortable.

"Is that why she's not back? Maybe she lost track of time." he looked hopeful. "That happens, right? Because sometimes I'll tell Vitya it's time for my bedtime story, and he says okay. And so I go get into bed an wait. But he doesn't come! And when I come out to get him, he says he's sorry and that he lost track of time. Maybe that's what happened to my Mommy."

"That's possible, maybe." Yuuri gave a weak smile.

"As long as the monster didn't get her." he said as Yuuri stood up.

"What kind of monster do you think would get Mommy?" he asked carefully. He didn't want to encourage the idea of monsters. That would be setting him up for a long weekend of no sleep. And he couldn't imagine that Victor would be especially pleased by that sort of thing.

"The same one that comes for me."

"Honey, I don't--." he began. But the door opened then. Victor came in, grinning, with Chris right behind him.

"Yura, Yura!" he sang. "I have something fun planned for you, tonight!"

"You do?" he perked up.

"Sure. My intern, Georgi, has said that he'd like to come and play with you and Potya. He tells wonderful stories, and guess what else?"

"What?"

"He likes to dance!"

"But why can't Yuuri stay? He's my real assistant." Yuri frowned.

"Because Peaches and I have plans for tonight." he ruffled his hair. Victor had approached him a week or so ago. But they'd had this night scheduled for almost a month, and so reluctantly, Yuri said he wasn't available.

"But I like you." he pouted and crossed his arms.

"Maybe, if you're a very good boy..." Chris began. "I'll take you to get pancakes in the morning?"

"With chocolate chips?" he peeked up through his bangs.

"With chocolate chips and whipped cream." he tempted. "But of course, you have to be a very good boy for Georgi. Just like you are for Vitya and Yuuri." he crossed his arms.  
"It's a tall order, little man. Think you can handle it?"

"I can! I can! I promise." he cheered up considerably. Yuuri laughed and gathered his things, then opened his arms.

The blond haired kid came flying to him, wrapping his arms around his neck. He held him to his chest tightly, swaying just a little bit. Friday evenings were always difficult for them, knowing that it would be two days until they saw each other again. He gave a few loud kisses to the top of his head, feeling the vibrations of his giggles.

"Pinky promise you'll be good for Georgi?" he held out his pinky. Yuri solemnly wrapped his around it. "You can tell me all about the fun you had on Monday. I can't wait to hear." he waved good bye to the two adults, subtly took his pay envelope, and headed home.

Yuuri hadn't been lying when he said he had plans with Phichit. His best friend had decided that they'd had enough work/school/home nonsense. He declared that they were Going Out. And when it came to Phichit, Going Out was going all out. As soon as Yuuri arrived home, he was directed to the shower. His friend hovered around the bathroom, directing him to put in contact lenses, slick his hair back. He was dressed in tight black jeans and a black silky long sleeved shirt.

Phichit even teased him into a little bit of eye liner, and just a touch of clear lip gloss. He did look stunning when Phichit was done. He just squirmed in the pants and waited for his friend to be dressed, though.

"I hope Georgi knows not to tell him any spooky tales." he mused. "And to make sure he's in the right pajamas. And to leave the door cracked so Potya can go in and out. And..."

"Yuuuriiiii." Phichit sighed as he finished his own make up. "I'm sure things will be fine. Victor wouldn't leave Yuri with just anyone." at this, the Japanese man raised an eyebrow in silence.  
"Well, he might have at first. But now he knows better! You'd kick his ass. I'd kick his ass." he balled up his fists just thinking about it. "Yuri is way too cool of a little kid. No one would hurt him."

"Let's just head out then." Yuuri shook his head. "You know once I start drinking, I start dancing."

"I'm counting on it." Phichit gave a wicked sort of grin. It was the kind of grin that there are either too many of or not enough of in this world, depending on how you looked at it.

Getting into the club had been easier than anticipated. But Phichit said he knew someone at school who knew the bouncer, and as soon as he spoke a nape, they were past the rope and inside. The music was already pounding, bodies on the floor. It was exactly the kind of place that Yuuri rarely thought about and went to even less.

It was exactly the kind of place he needed at the moment.

The drinks were poured with a heavy hand, and they downed two or three each, just to warm up. When Yuuri felt warm and loose, he winked at his bestfriend.

"Uh oh!" he teased. "Look like drunk Yuuri has arrived!"

"And he's gonna have fun!" Yuuri giggled, heading to dance. He wedged his way in, letting the music flow around him. He thought, for a moment, to the way that Yuri looked when he danced. He wondered, fleetingly, if he looked so innocent and carefree, so lovely. But, then again, he was ready to twerk, and someone came up to grind against him. That put out any thought he had then of looking that sweet.

He was dancing with anyone who came up to him, who wanted to. The music was faster now, louder.

"Yuuri!" a familiar voice in his ear, causing him to jump. He spun then and saw Victor, wearing his own tight pants and loose shirt. The top few buttons were left undone, and his skin, so pale and smooth was on display. His silvery hair fell into his eyes.  
"What is someone like you doing in a place like this?"

"Dancing," he said simply.

"I hardly recognized you." his voice was down in a low purr. Yuuri felt his heartbeat quickening. A hand was reached out to him, the silent invitation lingering between them.

It was a bad, bad idea to dance with his boss. It was not something that could end well.

And it wasn't something that Yuuri could say no to.

He put his hand in Victor's, and they were dancing. The whole world around them melted. It was only them, the music, and the way that their bodies were moving against one another. The heat of him, Yuuri thought, the way those eyes were staring into his soul. The curve of his lips. What did he taste like, he thought, nearly frantically.

He didn't have long to wait. Victor bent his head, caught his lips. Yuuri moaned, knowing that no one could hear him, and fairly melted into the music. When they broke away from the kiss, it was like a slap to the face.

"You shouldn't kiss me." he gasped.

"Well, maybe not here, but--."

"What about Chris?"

"He didn't see." Victor looked confused. "I really don't--."

"I have to leave." he spun on his heel and ran out, texting Phichit on the way.

This was not at all how he thought the night would go.


End file.
